mil only offering to fly my husband out for a wedding 3,000 miles from home....

I'm not clear on whether you were excluded from the invitation by the cousin or are you being excluded from the travel plans by your MIL? I would be extremely upset if you weren't even invited. If your MIL is offering to pay for your husband's transportation and not yours, I guess it really depends on what her intentions are. Is she being malicious, or can she only afford accommodations for one person and thinks it might be important to your DH to attend?

Honestly, an invitation was never sent to us. His cousin has messaged him on fb asking if he is coming. But not if his family is coming. There was another family event a few months back and my MIL offered to pay for my husband and his son to come out but not myself and our 2 kids. I didn’t want to feel like she is being malicious but it’s starting to seem that way. I just know that I wouldn’t leave my husband behind while I flew 3000 miles across the country for a wedding. He’s not even a part of the wedding, just a guest.

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Yeah, I wouldn't tolerate that behavior from my FMIL or my FW. It sounds like you need to have a chat with your husband and he needs to speak to his mom. It's ridiculous that his child is included, but you and your children are excluded from these events.

To me, it wouldn't be weird for one of us to attend an event in our own extended family without our spouse. We've done that over the years, due to costs or time-off issues, but we've been married for 32+ years. However, the parts that are potential red flags to me are that you were not all at least invited to attend and that it seems a little odd that H's mother is offering to pay for his trip. (To me that seems weird for an adult's mom to offer to pay his expenses....) For those issues, only you and H know enough about the details to understand the motivations and thought process. To me, it seems concerning that MIL has invited H and "HIS child" to events, but not included yours. That seems weird -- like she does not see/acknowledge the five of you as a family? If you haven't yet, I think you and H need to talk this through, then he needs to have a conversation with his mom about what she's thinking. Even if she has no bad intentions, I think she needs to be made aware of how this is potentially divisive to the two of you and harmful to all your children. Good luck!

You should continue discussing this with your FH. No on one this site knows enough to really weigh in nore should we. I can see it from both sides but have limited info. Talk with your husband.

Your mother-in-law seems determined to include her son and grandchild as members of her extended family, but not her son's wife and stepchildren. She is driving a wedge between you, and I hope your husband turns down her offers to separate him from his nuclear family.

I would not attend any wedding where I did not receive an invite in the mail. If it had been addressed to my hubby and only him, he would not go without me. A message on FB is not an invite.

You and SO need to get this cleared up or you WILL have boundary issues with MIL forever.

I wouldn't plan on going to a wedding that I didn't receive an actual invitation for (not a Hey, Are You Coming? on social media), nor would I attend a wedding that my spouse was not also invited to. Not inviting children is fine, plenty of people have adult-only weddings, but not inviting a spouse? I don't think so.

I would also politely decline any offer of transportation if it didn't include my spouse. If that meant I couldn't attend, then oh well. I wouldn't hurt my husband by attending an event that he was blatantly not invited to or welcome at. What an awful way to treat family, extended or otherwise.

Every family is different, so if a Facebook message is the norm for them as an invite, I wouldn’t be to worried about that. While it’s strange to me, it does happen.

I also can understand his mother offering to pay for just your husbands flight, as it is expensive to fly a family of five (which clearly you know). It sometimes is also more important for parents to have their child with them at these events than to have their child’s whole family. Especially if his father is not around for any reason, it can be difficult to go to these things alone. I think you need to talk this over with both of them and figure out why your whole family wasn’t invited. Maybe he’s his mothers plus one and she responded for him presumptively without asking. Maybe he already had told his cousin not to send a family invite because it would be too much money to fly.

There’s a lot of information missing that we can only guess about on here. As far as him going without you, I don’t know as if that’s a huge red flag to me. Every relationship is different, but if this were my fiancé I wouldn’t think much of it. I just went to a wedding without him this spring because he had other obligations that day. It wasn’t a big deal. However I can totally understand how being left home with three little ones can be very stressful. Maybe you can plan on visiting your family the weekend he’s away to get a little help with things.

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I agree 100%! Plus your wedding isn't until Nov right? Some families are in the mindset of that's not his/her wife/husband yet so she may not pay for you. Also married or not I could see my mom saying I will pay for you but not for him and she doesn't mean anything by it. My mom just thinks like your my kid not him