mil issues

Yes!! My future MIL and I did not get along at first! I had to have a conversation with her to basically let her know I'm not going to out up with her crap. Of course, it was nicely said but after that she got the point.

I have next to no relationship with my MIL. She's said awful things about our marriage and frequently oversteps. It didn't take long into our relationship before my wife and I realized that we needed to set and enforce boundaries with her mother. Is your spouse on the same page about the relationship? You will need to be a united front when dealing with issues like these.

Mine said we should be doing justice of the peace and referred to our wedding as a "bill." She's also very overbearing and tends to buy necessities for my FH, which I try to be understanding about because he is an only child and has always been spoiled, but it makes me feel like she doesn't think he is in good hands. Like I can't handle taking care of him. It can be a bit much. It's also little things she does that makes me feel like she's purposely trying to get under my skin. She learned early on from dinners what foods I dont like, one being mushrooms. Ever since she found out I hated them she puts them in almost everything. It's just weird. I can go on forever, I seriously feel like I'm in one of those romance movies where the MIL is out to get me haha

My FMIL is without doubt the most negative person I've ever met in my life. She behaved relatively well the first year or so that I knew her, but as she got used to me her true nature started to emerge. Honestly she's pretty neutral to my face, but I heard her on the phone when my FH told her about our engagement (we were in quarantine at the time and couldn't tell her in person), and she had not a single good thing to say about it. And the way she treats my FH and his brother is nothing short of horrific. When we lived near her, we'd go have lunch at her house every weekend, which is customary of the country I live in. I can only remember a handful of times where our lunches there didn't end with my FMIL screaming and ranting for more than an hour about how awful her children are and how she does everything for everyone with no thanks from anyone ever. Any small thing can set her temper off, which turns into a snowball effect of her venting and literally screaming about anything and everything she's ever felt wronged about. She rips into my FBIL about his weight every single time we're with her, I'm pretty sure she blames me for my FH moving with me to a different city, and rants constantly about the perceived failings of her sons. It's heartbreaking; I can see how much it affects both my FH and FBIL. I'm all for cutting off contact with her, honestly, but that's pretty unheard of in my FH's culture and would probably cause even more drama.

My FH says she's always been like this, but that it's gotten progressively worse over the years. I suspect it's a combination of residual bitterness from her divorce from my FFIL years ago, and resentment that she doesn't have the close relationship with her sons that her sister (my FH's aunt) has with her daughter (FH's cousin).

Needless to say, I'm not a fan. FFIL, on the other hand, is great!

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Great advice! It is very important to be on the same page to avoid any other drama. Having support from your spouse is supper important!

I get along with my FMIL, but it wasn't always this way. She struggled with gossiping and repeating negative comments her other son (FBIL) said about me such as "why is my brother with her?"
I asked her politely to stop and I brought it to her attention that it was extremely hurtful especially since I have spent thousands of dollars on FBIL's child which is FMIL's grandchild and I have spent countless hours with her of free childcare. She quickly got the point and learned from her past behavior.

My FH and I set up boundaries with not toleratimg gossip and if someone has an issue then confront us ASAP. My FH also reminded his mom and brother that I do a lot for the child and that his brother never thanks me and lacks appreciation.
We haven't had any issues in about a year.
My advice: it is your husband's responsibility to check his mother, not yours.

While I love my mother-in-law, she drives me crazy. She is used to getting her way so when it came to wedding plan I would tell her no we are doing it this way, but she wouldn't listen so then my husband has to get involved and tell his mom we already made the decision. This has happened with other things and I've told my husband that I don't feel she respects me, but he tries saying I'm not forceful enough. I'm currently pregnant and I'm worried how she's going to be when it comes to our children.

I do not have issues with mine but initially it didn't feel like we were close and that was really due to the fact that we never really knew one another. sometimes these kind of relationships take time to build

After about 20 years of marriage, trying to respect this toxic mom of his, I had enough. I got stepped on and disrespected from her in any way, no matter how much I tried to love her. I thought showering her with respect and love would kill her toxic behavior. Nope. It only hurts me more. I cut her from my life, and dh doesn’t even call her from my house anymore. My life and my marriage has improved soooo much without her.

We keep hubby's mom and dad at a distance. Very opinionated and rude and have no respect for how others may feel. Any time we go over there we keep limited and only stay for like 2 hours then leave. If they say something I dont like, I call them out on it because its very inappropriate and can be hurtful.

Not with my mother in law but I feel the same way about my father in law. I as well as my husband choose to not really be around him. I've snapped on him before (after being provoked many times) & I just don't want to be around that negative energy. My husband completely respects that

Oh I’m thanking my lucky stars my FMIL isn’t like that! My fiancé & I were going for 11 yrs the 1st time- when we broke up, she naturally took his side. When we got back together, she was furious! He did defend me- flat out told her that it wasn’t just me, that he did some pretty bad things too. We both took responsibility for our parts. I gave it some time but I really wanted a better relationship with her. So I started calling her but the 1st time I did, you can tell she expected that I wanted something from her. I kept it lite & just said I just called to see how much was going. Now, I talk to her more than he does. It took time & we have discussed all our passed issues.

My MIL aren't close but cordial. She really wanted a daughter but had 3 sons instead and I can tell she feels left out at times because of it. I think once we're married (and maybe when we aren't on lockdown anymore in Socal) I can spend some more time with her as a daughter, but honestly our conversations can be very dry as she's a woman of few words even if I'm the one driving the conversation.

My FMIL and I have had an interesting relationship. She loved me until we got serious then she overstepped MANY boundaries and even stressed me out to the point where I had our son three weeks early and she was banned from our house for 2 weeks. We have a much better relationship NOW and were able to be honest about what happened. My FH is her FAVORITE child and she was so used to him not telling her no about ANYTHING that she became jealous. It also didn't help that she was dumped by her gf of 13 years right when we got serious. I'm also a very direct person and was the first one of her son's gfs that stood up to her and didn't let her disrespect me. She and her only daughter also have a rocky relationship and when I was pregnant, she wanted to be closer to me but I really just wanted MY mom. That caused some issues as well. My FH had to stand up for me quite a bit and give her some boundaries, that helped the most. I also talked with her sister about how to approach her and extended an olive branch for the sake of us becoming family.

I never had any major issues with my MIL, only a small flare up after we got engaged, revolving around subtleties she’s made regarding the "speed" in which we’d be getting married. I had to ask my FH to explain to her that the point of getting engaged is to eventually marry so the "speed" is dependent upon how quick we want to begin our lives together, not that I’m trying to take him away from her (which was insinuated). It was disrespectful just something to be expected from mother’s with sons. As time progressed she came to realize that marriage is the eventual next step and while it still hurts she’s got better with acceptance. I didn’t have the conversation with her directly but she understood afterwhile

My MIL thinks that she is my husbands forever love and first priority. When we got together we had to deal with enmeshment from his family and how to separate that because it was too much. On our wedding day I thanked her for raising such an amazing man being all sweet and she goes, “remember I’m still his mother and don’t forget it.” Husband and I were PISSED! Smh

My Mother In Law loves attention, It does not matter if it's positive or negative attention she craves it and sometimes will go above and beyond to get it and it will not matter who she hurts. I just try and be polite and keep contact with her to a minimum.

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Wow!!! I am so sorry she said that to you. I will never understand why some mother in laws act like that.