mil issue...

Is she paying for the wedding? If not, she doesn't get to have an opinion and you should stop discussing planning with her.

View Quoted Comment She’s actually not paying for anything. I agreed to involve her in the planning process because she wasn’t involved in her own daughters. But I feel like this was a whole mistake letting her “help” plan.

Is she helping pay for the wedding?

Ah just saw the comments above. Agree with PP - stop talking wedding with her. And honestly since it’s his mother he could have a talk with her and let her know that you both want and will have a small wedding and that’s that.

It’s one of those cases where it’s probably best to stop planning with her and stop talking to her about it

In the same boat as you. My FMIL is the same way and really my FH grandmas as well. And hey I'm getting married in September too haha. I've gotten to the point where I had to stop talking wedding details with them. No matter what I said, it wasn't good enough for them. Yes my FMIL is helping pay for some things but only because she went behind our backs and got all the paperwork for the reception venue and paid for it before we could tell her no. I know she just wants to be involved but it gets to be too much at times. You just need to stand your ground and tell them what you two want and leave it at that. If anything have your FH have a talk with her. That helped us as well.

I understand where you are coming from. My FMIL put up a fight in regards to every decision we made in the beginning because she would have preferred for us to have a much more formal wedding, even though she isn't contributing. FH talked to her about it but that didn't change anything, so we stopped talking to her about the wedding. I think she got the point, and now is really supportive about our plans and has been so helpful and enthusiastic about wedding planning lately, which came as a shock to FH and I.

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Sounds like her daughters knew what was up. I know you already agreed to let her help, but I think you can pivot now and just deflect and defer all questions and conversation about the wedding. Cut back on the amount of time you spend with her between now and September. When you ARE together, don't bring up the wedding. If/when she brings it up, answer noncommittally and change the subject (usually asking her a question about herself works well). Repeat forever.

Note: Your future spouse needs to be on board with this strategy or it won't work.

Maybe be more specific when asking for here opinions so theres no confusion on what you want. No need to create bad blood by blocking her. One example is to narrow down her help. Like the either or question, to narrow down( ie eithier Rose's or lilies). If she starts going off track to what she wants, say oh that's a nice idea we will think about, make sure to distract her with going to a different topic. Laugh it off later as you asked for her opinion and you got it, no use later get mad you dont think alike.

As someone posted before, this is probably why her daughter didn't let her get involved. Both you and your FH have to agree on a strategy in how to o limit her and stand by it together.

Yeah, I would take her out of the planning discussions. She can help in other ways like putting together diy projects or a seating chart, but if her advice and ideas are stressing you, then stop asking for them.

So, stop telling her things.

Sounds like the worst thing in the world, if you are her.

Sounds like the fastest way to peace, a healthy relationship with your FH, and preventing her being all up in your business should you have kids if you are YOU.

Set your boundaries now, or she will never respect them.

If she asks, just say you're tired of talking about the wedding, and change the subject. She'll probably throw a fit, but that's her problem, not yours.

View Quoted Comment Just an update: my FH and I have both agreed to just not discuss wedding planning with her at this moment. After talking with her daughter about the situation I very clearly can see why she wasn’t included in that wedding.

View Quoted Comment Good.
I'm sorry she's such a pain.