mil Help

Well my first question would be: what is it your MIL wants that’s different and what does your FH think?


My next concern is that your FH is siding with his mother and getting mad at you. That is a HUGE red flag that needs to be addressed before you even think about getting married.

Before you attempt to address anything with your MIL, you need to address the issue with your FH before anymore planning happens. If you are being treated poorly, that should not be brushed aside, surely not from someone you are going to marry. As far as your MIL, is she paying for the wedding? If she is, then unfortunately she does get a say. If she isn't then she shouldn't be involved in any of the planning anyway.

View Quoted Comment My future husband has seen it all and he constantly tries to get he to treat me better, but she’s who she’s and wants things her way. She’s contributing a little but my parents are paying the most and aren’t demanding things from me.

View Quoted Comment The MIL wants to be under the chuppah and neither of us want that. What’s upsetting is everyone me and my FH agree on something if she doesn’t agree we have to cave to her.

View Quoted Comment That’s not true though. Your FH should be setting boundaries with his mother and if he isn’t willing to do that and just caves whenever she wants something, your future will be filled with doing things her way. That’s a FH problem, not a MIL problem.

Ya your fh definitely needs to put his foot down now, unless you want her involved in ever future decision, moving, possible future children. Unless you are ok with her being in and making decisions for all those life events. Cause I promise you it won't stop after the wedding is over.

Sweetie you need to stop planning right now and talk to your FH because if he’s going to be anything close to a mama’s boy you are going to have problems in your marriage. He needs to put his foot down reasonably since she is making some type of contribution and maybe meet a middle ground instead of her being under the chuppah she can be next to it.
Once you have the conversation with him though it may be a good idea to bring all parties together express what you and your fh desire to have your wedding ceremony look like. You should have already decided with your FH where you’re willing to sacrifice or compromise. This should be discussed with the parents so that they have a clear vision of your vision for your day and then you have to stand your ground with that vision. Good luck This should be discussed with the parents so that they have a clear vision of your vision for your day and then you have to stand your ground in seeing that vision to fruition. Good luck

I agree with PP that this is a FH problem not a FMIL problem. You and your partner need to work on improving communication in your own relationship, and THEN worry about wedding planning.

The very same thing happened to me! I'm a reform Jew and my in-laws are modern orthodox. In tranditional Jewish weddings, both sets of parents stand with the bride and groom under the chuppah. I originally said no to this, not be because I wanted it to be just the two of us, but because I didn't want to draw attention to the VERY upsetting fact that neither of my parents were attending the wedding because of serious illnesses. My MIH insisted they stand there anyway and eventually I gave in. Because you pick your battles with your family and it was just SO important to her. However, looking back now at my ceremony pics, I'm annoyed that all of them have my in-laws standing around there awkwardly...

View Quoted Comment That’s exactly what I don’t want is to see a bunch of pics of them in that special moment for us. I already have a toxic relationship with the MIL to begin with and I just don’t want her involved in the ceremony. We’re already going to have bridesmaid and groomsmen and it just seems like too much. My own parents don’t even think they should be up there. But the sister in law said I will be a bridezilla for stopping that

Definitely speak to your FH one on one about your feelings of mistreatment. He shouldn't be siding with his mom on ANYTHING. It's actually quite ridiculous. He's supposed to be standing up for you above anyone right now.