mil + fsil Help. Long Post

I hope I am addressing all the questions. I would say if you want a closer relationship with the mother in law then you should initiate it. I understand you are shy but she does not know what you are thinking. I would keep it simple and meet at her house and open up to her like you did here. Also, be careful with some wedding plans as you want it to be yours and your FH's day so maybe include her in dress shopping or something. Most of the planning should be on you two.

In regards to the bridesmaids. It is all who you want to have. If you are close with some SIL's then invite them because you cannot imagine your day without them by your side. Not out of obligation. At one of my friend's weddings her hubby had his best friend as best man and his brother was a groomsmen. No exact rules on who makes up the wedding party.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for responding.


Do you think I should text her and ask if I can come over? Or would a call be more appropriate? I have already done most of the things but I was thinking decor advice and wedding dress shopping and turning it into a girls day.
I am not close with my future SILs. If I didn’t include them in the bridal party, do you have any advice on how I could include them? Other than dress shopping, I mean. It’s kind of the same situation as with my MIL.

Leaving out the one who is in Hawaii, who cannot come, is a non-issue. She said cannot come, before you could ha e asked ( and been turned down
No discourtesy either way.
I would never choose all 3 SIL. pick one, or none. So often brides choose people hoping to know them better. It blows up, and now instead of neutral acquaintances, they and their family all despise you. And momma feels obliged to side with them. Against the bride, who now loses 1 more important person. If there is one who is very close in age and interests to you, okay. One or none. You cannot do 2 and leave out 1. .... As for momma, go for it. Start with the shy person's refuge: A letter, or a letter in a nice card. Say what you have said here. Say you are shy. That since mom's death you and he have been close, and you really jave only begun to reach out to others. Say that you envy the warm relationship she has with her married children, and her precious grandchild (ren). Ask if she would like to get together to go out for lunch. Would she want to share whare she knows of wedding planning with you? Simple and direct. Doesn't sound like she bites.

To include SIL: don't. But assuming you do not jave more than a couple of friends likely to do a shower, bridesmaids or just friends, those volunteer hostesses might be willing to ask SIL if they would like to help in any way.

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I think you can text her to meet up and let her know you would love to talk with her about the wedding. Hmmmm if you are not close with them and have had issues in the past do you want them to be apart of your day?

I think maybe talk with your FMIL first. Invite her to your place or you go to hers and just tell her that it is important to you to have a good relationship with her since you are marrying her son and you would like her help with some ideas for the wedding and to go dress shopping. You can even mention since your mom won't be there it would be nice to have that.

Do you have any friends you can have in the bridal party? I worry that since there have been issues in the past while I agree it is great to build a relationship with them not sure you want them as bridesmaids as that can cause issues. Heck, some people who have chosen friends or family they love as brides maids give them headaches. I am not sure if this is the stepping stone you want to take to bring them close to you but it is not wrong to do so. I think it is safer to have people you already have a close relationship with. However, of course they can be included if there are any pre wedding events such as a bridal shower or bachelorette. For dress shopping I would not have a ton of people and that is usually recommended but feel free to invite them. I would say maybe invite them over for some beers or wine whichever you prefer and maybe have a heart to heart that you want to build a better relationship with them. I guess I feel like building relationships with them should not be within your wedding rather just in general if that makes sense.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! That was one of my worries.
The closest one to my age is the one in Hawaii, she’s 6 years older than me, the others are all older. One has children that are not much younger than I am. I think that’s why I am having such a hard time to find common ground. A letter would be just what I need I think, thank you again!

View Quoted Comment Yes it does make sense! I have only had issues with the one, however, they all know about it but no one has said anything to me about it besides the one in Hawaii. I have one good friend who will be maid of honor, and I was thinking about having my three closest cousins be bridesmaids as well. They all know each other so that’s a plus. One of my cousins knows my SILs too. Like I said, I realized I’ve always used excuses to talk to them. Like, for example, the wedding is one I want to use but I want and need to change that.

View Quoted Comment Also I am worried because when I talked wedding plans with my future niece, she was trying to give me ideas on how to ask her mom and aunts to be bridesmaids. I’m afraid that they are expecting a bridesmaid proposal and I am not sure how to go about that without being rude.

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This is just me. I would keep your MOH and the three bridesmaids. One you do not want to have a ton of bridesmaids but also in my opinion if you are not super close with them I would not make them bridesmaids but it is good you for the most part get along with them. Truthfully I would have your bridal party there for the dress fitting but I think it would be nice to include the FMIL too. Trust me less is more ha ha ha. I think maybe invite the sisters over to break the ice and build a relationship this way and if anyone throws you a pre wedding event then invite them.

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Or that is a kid just being a kid. You are not asking them and it is not rude. That is their expectation. I am sorry if I sound straight forward so I do not mean to sound harsh however if you basically do things to not offend others or make them happy your wedding will quickly become stressful. Any bride on here will tell you, do not make someone a bridesmaid just because you feel obligated. Also I think you have 4 which is enough. If they say anything you can simply say that you wanted to keep it just to your cousins and best friend and keep it small. Truthfully if that offends them then they can go away. Sometimes weddings are about having uncomfortable conversations. I had some with mine but they happen.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! That’s reassuring and straight forward not harsh!