mil drama

She doesn't get a say, especially if she's not offering to contribute. Do what you want and don't discuss your choices with her.

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She did offer to pay for her side of the family if we had a hall wedding. This however does not help with costs associated with my side, our friends, or his fathers side. She now remind us every chance she can that if we chose to have anything but a hall wedding, she will not be paying haha!

View Quoted Comment She's clearly trying to use her money to get what she wants. Don't let her bully you into doing something that would make you unhappy!

Stick to what you and your FH want to do, it's your wedding you guys get to make the decision! I understand wanting to listen to opinions. Personally I'm not a fan of destination weddings, I would pick option 1 of your choices. You MIL does not get a choice!

She clearly needs a shut-down, probably from her son- “while at first your enthusiasm was appreciated, your ongoing insistence is now rude and hurtful. Will absolutely will not accept any money from you to pay for this wedding, and we will plan it to our liking. Any continued negativity or interference is going to result in you being shut out from the planning and some events.” When she starts getting upset and riled it’s simply, “This is the behavior I just told you about. I’m leaving now and hope in the future you can be more amicable to wedding conversations.”
You two are in the right and is great that you’re in the same page! I’m so glad you have so many other supportive people around you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! That’s excellent advice. Definitely going to have to have the uncomfortable conversation.

Thank God he is on your side with this. One of the first things my FH and I spoke about was how we would not be inviting random people we do not know or allow anyone else to do so either. We are also paying for our own wedding and have no desire or expectations to have anyone else footing any bill. I say it’s YOUR day and whatever you and your FH agree on that is what matters. To keep peace with your MIL just tell her that she can invite 2 people of her choice but you will not be doing things her way. She probably will still have a problem with it, but at least you tried.

This is your opportunity to draw clear boundaries. You can be matter of fact and unemotional. Do not let her control this. If you do, it will never stop. She is acting ridiculous and childish. You and your fiancé need to present a united front. Your MIL already had her wedding. Now, it is time for you to have yours just as you want it. Good luck!

This is a thing for your FH.

"Mom, we did not ask for money. We are not having a hall wedding. End of discussion. If you bring it up again, we will hang up/leave/kick you out."

AND THEN FOLLOW THROUGH.

If... when she throws a fit about that... "We'll miss you on our wedding day."

Agree with Rebecca. “No, this is the date time and location, we’d love to have you.”

“We did not ask for money, you know we are paying for this ourselves.”
“We are not having a hall wedding.”
Don’t JADE - to Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain - because she sees that as an opening. This will take practice, but you keep her from derailing any conversations by answering her in short sentences, and then continuing to talk about something else. “We’re not doing that.” “That’s not in our plan.” “Of course we aren’t asking you to pay, we are, please stop saying that.”

It sounds like she's the only one that has a problem with your ideas and wants the hall wedding. So if you did that, it would only be for her. IMO that's a recipe for future resentment and is probably an indicator of bigger issues with her. It's great that you and your FH are on the same page. I feel you guys should set the tone early that she doesn't get to control your decisions, especially if you don't need her contribution anyway. If you give in to this, then she might think she can do it again in the future. :/

Get away and enjoy Mexico ☺️

I'm having almost the opposite situation here!! This is my second wedding--I was widowed 9 years ago--and my fiance's first. My dad paid for a good part of my first wedding and fought me tooth and nail for every dime I spent. I had very few friends, and the ones I had couldn't travel to where I got married, so it was mainly a party for my late husband's family and friends.

I never thought I'd have a second chance at love, and he has big dreams of a fancy wedding, so we are pulling out all the stops and going to town on an over the top wedding of our dreams. We are footing the bill 100% of the way. Because Covid shut us down last year, we cut the guest list in half and made the wedding even fancier than it was for our remaining guests, and we've had an extra year to pay for it, and have paid cash for everything. So coming out of this in debt has nothing to do with anything... However...

My future MIL never hesitates to tell us how she got married in her backyard with a bouquet of flowers from the grocery store and it doesn't matter, she's just as married as anyone else, and we're foolish for spending the money. She is overall a very negative person, and I know she will say negative things afterwards about the expense of it all.

Ultimately, girl, I just do not care. I've told her a couple of times "we have our own vision" and that is good enough for me. My fiance, like yours, backs us up completely, and we just go with our own style and do our own thing.

You just go ahead with your planning. You can say something like, "Your ideas sound lovely. Next time you get married, feel free to use them." LOL As long as you and your fiance are on the same page and start making solid plans, she will get on board, I promise. Tune out the noise. It'll help your sanity. She's just struggling with her son getting married.

Ur wedding ur choice. If you and ur FH are on the same page, that's all that matters honestly. It's great that he defends u...I love that!! Best of luck to you

At the end of the day remember this: your wedding is about your relationship with your husband, nothing else matters that day. It doesn't need to be traditional and you don't need to please her. At the end of the day she can either support you and her son or not, but it's her loss.

Stick with your decision. It may help to have your FH sit down and explain what he wants to her, without you there and that the wedding you have is one that he and you will be planning together and that he hopes she'll support you both no matter what type of wedding you have. It's about you and your FH. If she continues to be like this, just don't discuss anything wedding related with her. Send her the STD/Invite and be done

I love your tented countryside wedding that sounds beautiful I would firmly talk to MIL and tell her that these are your wants for your wedding,

Do what you want to do. As long as you don't do anything directly hurtful to her in your plans she will get over it. I had never heard of "JADE" before but it sounds like a very effective communication method in this case.

Some of us moms have had things regarding the wedding cause us hurt feelings but you know what, in the end, we are adults who love our kids and we either let it go or put it out of mind and move on to the next phase. In 5 years, it won't even cross her mind again.