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Dedicated November 2019

mil does not want to be photographed

Emma, on July 17, 2019 at 6:03 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 18

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Future mother in law does not like to be photographed. I’ve always known this but didn’t think it would be a huge issue for our wedding day. Recently she requested (more like demanded) me not to post any photos on social media with her in them. I will of course respect her wishes & not post photos of her. However- I will have a wedding highlight video as part of my videography package that I will definitely be posting on my social media. Not all my family & friends will be at the wedding so I want to be able to share it and the highlight video is what I am most excited about. I tried explaining to her that there will be a highlight video which I will post but the conversation was basically shut down and I could tell she was really mad. I plan to sit down with her to express how important it is in keeping memories that she be in the video as obviously she is a big part of both our lives. At the same time I want to leave the option with her to opt out of being in the video all together if that’s what she wishes. I was going to make suggestions on how the videographer could be creative in not having her face captured straight on- like videoing her from the side, back or having her slightly out of focus in the background. Does anyone have any other suggestions on how to handle the situation? I’m really hoping for a positive outcome- I think it would be unfortunate and upsetting if she chooses to not be in the video at all.

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18 Comments

Latest activity by Renee, on August 10, 2019 at 5:29 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 17, 2019 at 6:51 AM
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I would work with your photography and video team regarding this. Maybe they'll have ideas on how they can go about this but ideally... That sounds tricky
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 17, 2019 at 6:53 AM
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Maybe this conversation would be better received coming from your FH?
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Super September 2020
Jennifer · on July 17, 2019 at 7:10 AM
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You're a much better person than I am. 😂

I'm paying for photos and videos, so if someone did this to me, and I don't care who they are (i.e. MIL, MOB, etc), I'd hand them a paper bag...for their head...and wish them luck.
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Beginner December 2019
· on July 17, 2019 at 7:44 AM
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I agree with the paper bag sentiment. I’m paying a lot of money for a photographer and I want pictures. What does FH think? Did he talk to her? Honestly everyone in my family knows I’m a bit of a brat. So you don’t wanna be in them, then she better learn to tuck and roll. To stay out of photos and videos. I wouldn’t tell my camera crew anything, let her figure out how to stay out of everything. Just be like they will be there so you figure that out.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 17, 2019 at 7:58 AM
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I'd tell her too bad. It's a wedding and there will be photographs taken. If she doesn't like it then she shouldn't come.
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Expert August 2020
Arielle · on July 17, 2019 at 7:59 AM
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I second this.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 17, 2019 at 9:26 AM
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You and FH are already paying so much for photography and videography, so I agree with PPs. Definitely talk to your vendors about this and get professional insight. She's an adult who can choose not to attend if it really bothers her that much! This would irk my nerves so much too - good luck!
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 17, 2019 at 9:27 AM
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This is great! Sounds like some petty stuff I'd pull off, too
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on July 17, 2019 at 9:47 AM
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I would have your FH talk to her and let her know that you both want the memories of the wedding to include her and that you won’t share pics of her on social media, but with the video I would just tell her to be aware of the camera and avoid it if she can. It’s not the photographer’s responsibility to work around her. She can work around them.
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Expert August 2019
Ceelie · on July 17, 2019 at 10:11 AM
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Honestly I'd be as respectful as possible, but it is YOUR wedding. As others have said, you've put in a lot of money and time into this event so it's really not fair for you to have to accommodate to those who are being (honestly) a bit petty about pictures. If it were me I would just have my FH talk to her and let the pieces fall where they may.
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Master October 2017
karen · on July 17, 2019 at 1:58 PM
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It is your wedding, but you do not have to post on social media. Tell video not to include her. You may want to talk to a lawyer, she may be able to sue you
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Lady · on July 17, 2019 at 3:02 PM
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I agree with Karen - it's totally unacceptable to post videos or photos of someone without their consent. If there are family members or close friends you'd like to send the video too I think it's fine to do that privately but there no need to post it on social media especially if someone is that uncomfortable with being in it. Also ask your videographer to avoid her altogether or edit her out if you NEED to post it on social media.
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Devoted September 2019
McKenzie · on July 17, 2019 at 3:39 PM
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I can totally understand your FMIL not wanting her photo/ video on social media. If it is so important to her maybe talk some time and chat with her about her reasonings. I have a few family members who have never been okay with their image on social media, and they have VERY good reason for it.
Try and show her your videographers past work and what a social media clip would look like. I feel like these clips may show glimpse of family/ friends but really focus on the bride and groom. This may help calm her nerves. Worst case scenario just ask your videographer to edit the social media clip to not have your FMIL in it, but keep her in the full length family version.
It may seem like a pain in the neck to follow her wishes, but I feel like in the long run it'd be worth it, especially in the future when she may not be with you guys anymore or when you are showing your kids.
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Champion December 2017
earias · on July 17, 2019 at 7:12 PM
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I agree with this. It sounds like the FMIL offered a fair compromise to have her picture taken but not posted on social media. OP, you should respect her wishes. Just send your video privately to the ones who want to see it.
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Dedicated November 2019
Emma · on July 18, 2019 at 4:32 AM
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I’m sorry but I have to disagree here. I am totally understanding of where she is coming from and as mentioned in my post- I will not be posting photos of her. But not posting the highlight video on social media is just not an option. I have paid $5,500 for this photography/videography package and the highlight video I am excited about. Whilst I respect social media is not a part of some people’s lives- it is something that’s a part of my identity. I want the freedom to do what I want with my wedding video. Of course- I would not post her in anything on social media without her consent. Which is why I had planned to sit down and talk with her about it and give her the option to not be included in the video if she feels that strongly about it.
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Lady · on July 18, 2019 at 2:57 PM
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LOL, it absolutely IS an option, just not one you feel like considering. I get it, weddings are exciting. But I promise you that no one is going to love or care about your wedding highlight video as much as you do. I just can't imagine starting off my married life by blatantly disregarding something as simple as not posting her video/photo on social media.
I think talking to her is fine and if she can be edited out of the video or not in it - then share away. If not, I think it's wrong to publicly share it.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on August 7, 2019 at 10:30 PM
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I agree with Karen. I think it’s absolutely rude to post pics or videos of others without consent. Just have her out of the video completely. I hate pics/video of myself as well.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on August 10, 2019 at 5:29 PM
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I'd introduce her to the photographers and the people making the video and tell them to avoid her. You're paying a LOT of money and it would be easier to exclude her. My mom is like that. She never wants her pictures taken and I told her years ago that when my kids grow up and wonder why shes not in any of their pictures, she can explain it to them. They'll have very few memories and no pictures.
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