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Just Said Yes September 2020

mil diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer

Kimberly, on November 16, 2019 at 10:30 AM Posted in Planning 0 10
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My fiance and I got engaged January 1st, 2019. We immediately started planning for our wedding scheduled for September 4th, 2020. The venue, band, church and all other details have already been booked. This month we found out that my future mother in law has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We haven't heard back from the doctors if there is possible treatment yet. I suggested moving the date up sooner and having something smaller with just our immediate family instead of the larger wedding we had planned. We don't really know what the results are going to be but I thought it would be nice to move it up and have his mother enjoy the day before she starts treatment or becomes too ill. Seems like his siblings didn't like this idea. I don't want to offend anyone so I'm really just staying out of it at this point. My fiance and I don't know how to approach the situation considering its a very difficult one.

10 Comments

  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
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    Why don’t his siblings like this idea? What does your FH want to do?
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  • Jess
    Expert October 2019
    Jess ·
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    I’m so sorry first off that this is happening. It’s always heartbreaking to get news like that. I might suggest to keep your big wedding but to do a smaller thing maybe at someone’s house with only immediate family and just have it super super simple so that his mom can be involved but that you’re not losing all the effort and money you already put into the wedding you were originally planning on having.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal Online ·
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    If she just received her diagnosis and doesn't yet know what, if any, treatment options she'll have, I'd try to hold off for a little bit regarding any change of plans. Given what you have invested, I'd probably still plan on your wedding/celebration next fall. If the prognosis is poor, you can always decide to do a simple ceremony at any time, if that seems like something his mother would like. I could see how asking about it right now, before the family has all the info, might come across as insensitive and/or might suggest you don't expect her to survive until next September. That may well be true, but it might be that no one is ready to consider that possibility just yet. I'd probably try to avoid discussing anything related to the wedding right now with them while his family comes to grips with this very sad news. Good luck to you and your fiance as you support his mom and family in every way you can. Smiley heart

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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Kimberly ·
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    We haven't brought it up to her yet because we just got the diagnoses and it's best not make her more stressed. My fiance would love for her to at the wedding.

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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Kimberly ·
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    Thank you for your advise.

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  • Amber
    Super September 2020
    Amber ·
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    I would hold off and see what doctors say the treatment plan will be first and see how long the doctor's give her which sometimes it's a few months or longer. If they say she's only got this amount of time and she probably won't make it to 10 months you could do a little wedding that she'll be apart of💜
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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    Wow I’m really sorry. Like others have said, I would try and hold off making plans until you have a better idea of her options. You two were coming from a really sweet place offering to change your plans so she could enjoy the wedding with you but I could see how his siblings could take it the wrong way in this stressful time. They probably need time to comes to terms with the diagnosis and don’t want to think about the possibility of her passing before or being too ill to come to the wedding next year. Best of luck with everything ❤️
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  • V
    Veronica ·
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    I am so sorry. I'm sure that his siblings didn't react well because thinking about moving the date means that they have to acknowledge that her prognosis may not be good. I think it's wonderful that you are open to moving things up and doing things more simply; I think at this point, don't book anything else until you hear more about what kind of treatment she will need and what the overall prognosis is.

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  • Eva L.
    Dedicated March 2020
    Eva L. ·
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    Im so sorry you guys are going through this.My MIL passed away last July, unexpectedly. Our wedding is March 2020. I suggest to ignore your FH's sibling and think what you and your FH feel. There was a possibility for my fiance and I to eloped but he decided against it. That's one of the things my fiance regrets. I would even to a small court ceremony with her and tell no one if that can cause a big issue. Also, I will ask her if she is ok with it as well. I hope everything gets resolved peacefully. Prayers for your mil, you, your FH and his family.
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  • C
    VIP January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    I would plan to push it up. You can always still plan a big reception/celebration of marriage next sept, but i would go ahead and get married now while FMIL is still here, just Incase. If treatment goes well, she gets to celebrate twice. If not, the your husband will have gotten to celebrate once with his mom.
    This is what I would do ultimately it is yours and FH choice. His siblings shouldn’t get a say one way or the other.
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