MIL controlling my wedding

No pay no say!

Let FH deal with his mother.

I've had the same issues with my FMIL she asked if she could invite someone, I said no, she threw a fit. Not only have they not offered to pay for anything, all they do is tell FH he owes THEM money over bullshit that doesn't even exist. Then we're inviting other people from his side that she's not happy about and trying to tell us we can't. Not how this works.

Stand your ground. It's your and your FH's day.

Absolutely ridiculous. She's not paying, she has no right to make any demands or say what you guys can and can't do. It's your wedding day. I'd let your FH handle it if she continues being unreasonable.

"I'm sorry but we are at our maximum guest list and cannot afford to add any additional guests."

I would tell her if she has an issue with FH guest list - to talk to him! I don't get why our mIl think this is our is issue

I'm having the exact issue with my own mother. We're also paying 100% and we'd like to keep the guest list down and invite some of our own friends, not just relatives, and it's like you HAVE TO invite so-and-so and you HAVE TO invite blah blah...

And we're like listen.... we're not inviting ALL our friends, why do YOU get an entourage at $1xx a pop at my expense?? I love you but go away and shake the crazy out while you're at it!!

My FMIL did the same even after her son said no. She thought I would budge...NOPE!

I went through this with my own mother many many times. Every time I told her, "Well, next time you get married you can invite them to your wedding!" Eventually I got pretty nasty with her since she was getting pretty demanding with me, and told her this is exactly why we don't want her money for the wedding. This is not her wedding. This is about Ian and I and the people who love and support us. Not who will make you look good. I'm not a huge fan of my mother, but it's nothing new...

Getting that "wedding reciprocation faux-etiquette" from both my mom and grandma, too. You know where they (mom/grandma) need to invite guests to my wedding because they (again, mom/grandma) were invited to theirs? Except it's not their own wedding that they are paying for and neither I nor FH were invited to said guests' weddings.

Ugh do you people not see how this makes no sense? On what planet is this "etiquette"??

Well, at least know that you are not alone! Parents and In-Laws thinking your guest list is a free for all family reunion is something a lot of couples have to deal with and it's infuriating. Maybe a generation or two ago, when the parents traditionally hosted the wedding they got a say in who they invited because it reflected on them as the hosts. If parent's still think they need to invite all the church ladies and your great aunt's cousin's daughter's neighbor because of their "reputation" they need to pay for those guests themselves because doing it on your child's dime is complete bullshit.

Do we have the same FMIL?

You want say feel free to pay! lol

I think FH needs to have that conversation with his mother

Same here with my own mom. She's insisting on inviting some of her cousins and their kids. People who probably wouldn't know me if they saw me! ugh.....

Yeah. Let FH deal with her.

At times like these I am so glad none of our parents give a shit about our wedding.