mil Banned from Bridal Suite?

I think you’re doing the right thing. If your relationship with her is hostile at best, which is what it kind of sounds like, she has no business spending time with you the morning of your wedding. It sounds like she’s likely to stir the pot no matter what you do so I’d put your own comfort first in this situation.

You are definitely doing the right thing. I wouldn’t want her there dragging the mood down on what is supposed to be a joyous day of celebration

I'd say that's definitely the right thing. You don't want that kind of negativity around you on the morning of your wedding. It sounds like thing are very hostile between the two if you so it would probably be for the best to keep her away from for the wedding.

NO! She is NOT ALLOWED! This is a Private sanctuary for you and FH & people that will NOT cause Drama!
Don’t let her in... she sounds like an emotional vampire and once you allow them to cross the threshold they are forever allowed to enter!

You’re dong the right thing by not allowing her to be there.

I honestly don't understand why you would consider inviting her. Apologizing when she was the one with the inappropriate behavior only reinforces her nonsense.
People with those types of personalities only get better with therapy. I'm very serious about that statement.

Her manipulative behavior will not magically go away. It's a symptom of what lies beneath. Your hubby needs to be the one to communicate with her and "protect" you by setting up boundaries. Avoid her and focus on your future marriage.

I think you're doing the right thing.

You have to distance yourself from toxic people, or they'll completely soil everything.

My MIL and I have had some rough patches, but our relationship has improved over the years. Like your MIL, my MIL is also manipulative. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is how mental illness works, she has a irrational fear of abandonment, so she pushes people away from her in a self-fulfilling prophecy. She makes everyone around her miserable, because she's miserable.

Her method of keeping her family "attached" so they can't "leave" is to control them. And my husband and his father let it happen, because it was a lot easier than the backlash. She controlled all of their finances, she controlled what my FIL bought, the groceries, the utilities, etc. She wouldn't even allow him to get a haircut, or a cell phone, yet she had a cell phone.

When my husband and I were attempting to get pre-approved for a mortgage, we needed some important documents, which she refused to give. Eventually, a huge fight broke out between all of us and I more or less had to "tell her off"/tell her to back off and let her son live his own life and she caved, but made sure she had a huge meltdown over it.

Things have been a lot better between us since, I don't know why. Maybe she finally realized that her son can't live at home the rest of his life, maybe she realized that she needed to let go of the reigns, who knows ?

I can only hope that you coming to your MIL had made her respect you a little bit more. Perhaps she is still getting over your little tiff, perhaps she'll come around, too.

First, if you guys paid for it yourself, you have 100% control, and it is totally your call! I understand the desire to keep everyone happy and avoid drama, but in all honesty, all you need to be worrying about is keeping YOURSELF happy and calm - it's stressful enough to be a bride

But honestly, I think you ARE doing the right thing. Anyone who will not make the room BETTER by being in there should not be in there. Period. If having her there is going to stress you out, make you upset, or even make you THINK you could have anything less than a perfectly wonderful day, don't have her in there. That goes for FMIL, any family members, friends, whoever. If they aren't ADDING to the joy, don't allow them to BRING the drama. Do what you need to do to allow YOURSELF to be as happy as possible on the happiest day

Yes, you are definitely in the right. That type of behavior don't belong anywhere near you while you are getting ready on your wedding day!

I think you are doing the right thing. It's YOUR wedding day, you need to spend it with the people who love and support you and no one else.

She sounds insane. You are completely justified in not wanting her to be in your bridal suite the day of the wedding (especially because you are paying for the wedding yourselves!) That space should be for your bridal party and very close loved ones, not someone who continuously causes issues for you.
I don’t accept things from my MIL either for the same reasons as you. I’m so scared anything we accept will be used against us, because it has in the past and it’s very upsetting.
My in-laws paid for almost nothing at our wedding (only husbands suit and $200 towards flowers), so I felt no obligations to give them much the day of. I was really salty when MIL and one SIL showed up in the (already crowded) hotel suite that I paid for myself right before I was about to put my dress on, when she didn’t let me know or ask me if she could be there. Then set herself up on a chair directly in front of my dress so that other SIL (bridesmaid) could do her hair. I told her to get out of that spot immediately 😂 Don’t let your FMIL in that room if you don’t want her there!!

View Quoted Comment This really stuck with me:
"If they aren't adding to the journey, don't allow them to bring the drama."
Thank you! You are so right!

Sorry... *joy. Autocorrect

Sounds like the right move to me! Hopefully she comes around in the months and years to come but don't let her sour the bridal suite vibe on YOUR day.

There is no tradition of having the MOG even see the bride before the wedding. This recent thing of arranging HMUA for all in the bridal suite, or of bridesmaids gathering for hours all together, started as a tv reality show thing. Lots of people do it. More (thank heavens) do not gather everyone except maybe for a few minutes around putting on the veil, or scheduled pictures, which are at the church. There is no reason for her to think she must be included. So follow the tradition of many generations, only your family or BM, and only when you personally want them. If you want a group, fine. If you want to have appts for them to see HMUA ( if you have one) in their rooms and they do everything before getting dressed and coming to see you, that is fine. Just because tv and websites, or posts here, talk about MOG and MOB, and BM, does not mean it is necessary, or any more polite. It is what you want.

View Quoted Comment "Things have been a lot better between us since, I don't know why. Maybe she finally realized that her son can't live at home the rest of his life, maybe she realized that she needed to let go of the reigns, who knows ?". Yes, this applies. As long as others accept someone's miserably self centered anti-social behavior, the longer it will persist. These mothers need to learn, you cannot but your adult children and their SO by smothering them with gifts, and expect obedience as an exchange, quid pro quo. You won't accept the deal. And this time they must accept that you are both adults. And you are now building a bond that should put first, with the family you came from, one step behind. Unless you have children, and original family takes another step back. Still front of the line. Beyond your new family of 2 or more. Interrupt tirades by telling such parents to stop carrying on , and behave like adults. And walk away, and refuse to bargain to appease any unreasonable behavior. These are young men who have a parent who has been allowed too much into adulthood. And the moms clearly feed off the attention, and operate on a principle: Any time you do not do what I want, immediately, I will make your life so miserable, next time you will cave in and give me what I want. It takes from age 2-8 for young kids to learn when they can be autonomous, and when they must show proper social behavior. With a repeat going in to adult years, starting around puberty. Moms have to stop this dysfunctional garbage. One of my sister and one brother have MIL who started like this. Not knowing they were raised by my parents : Stop this right now. We do not allow adults to scream, make demands or whine til they get what that want. Either behave like an adult, ir leave ( or we are leaving). Tune them out and walk away. Best when their own child starts, then SIL or DIL follows. But when it is all directed at the newcomer, that younger adult needs to stand up. The final time, after no outburts for 6 months from MIL after cutting off every tantrum over 3 months it came to. Stop it. You know I won't listen when you are like this. Do you think we will ever let you see your grandchildren, if you are going to throw childish tantrums, so they think they can too? . You have to stop it at time of marriage. You cannot stop sneaky stuff behind your back. But you can shape their behavior when with you.

Edit : cannot buy your adult children

I think you’re definitely doing the right thing. Never let manipulative people control you. When she threatened to only see you on holidays and only say hello and goodbye I’d be like sweet, hope ya do. Bye! I’d put your BP on alert and if you’ve got one that’s outgoing and not afraid of anything you could have her bounce her on out if she tries to come around.

I don’t want my (step)FMIL in my bridal suite wither because her mere presence spikes my anxiety. It’s your wedding and your right to have ot not have anyone there during that time. Stick to your gut feeling on this one and ignore her pouting.

I don’t want my step-FMIL in my bridal suite either because her mere presence spikes my anxiety! It’s your choice and your special day; stick to your gut feeling on this one and ignore her pouting. Good luck!