B
Dedicated August 2019

mil and fil Drama

Blag, on July 11, 2020 at 11:56 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
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Hey people... so


My husband and I have been married actually just almost a year. His mom texted him yesterday saying some rude things about me and him which I saw. We share phones since we got married but anyways I was extremely upset when I saw her text to him because of what she said about me. I decided to text her about it how it was disrespectful to me (I actually stood up for myself for once :-) ). My husband always never deals with confrontation so I have to be the one to be that person in the relationship. His mom blew up and said all of this extremely unnecessary things which obviously led me to say some things since she wanted to be immature and to be a disrespectful rude person to me. At this point I am very sure that MILs who have (sons) who like to be rude to their daughter in laws mainly just don’t like it when they marry another woman or something. She was nasty and disrespectful in the way she spoke to me to the point I was shocked. As much as I think it would be good to be mature I just can’t fathom having my children around them one day. I feel like their parents are SO immature, manipulative, controlling, etc. I guess like mom’s who have sons are like this...? It’s not the first time I have heard this being the case and how the daughter in law does not have a good relationship with the parents in law. When one day I am a mother in law I know I will be very respectful and kind in mature towards my son and his woman, my daughter and his man etc because that is what I want in return. Why are parents so bad like this like they were towards he and I? I just can’t understand how and why they feel like it is appropriate?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Fany, on July 12, 2020 at 5:24 PM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    I'm so sorry your MIL is like this. I promise not all are! I am super fortunate to have a good relationship with my husband's family. Some people are just miserable. Honestly, it sounds like she isn't worth the aggravation. Just keeping doing you and avoid her as much as possible. What does your husband say about all this?
    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated August 2019
    Blag ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree. He thinks that she is just someone I have to put up with. There’s not really anything I can do. I can & I will not however have a close relationship with her nor his dad. They are the same way. I just don’t get it and I feel
    so sad to have parent in laws like this. Do you think we should not be together? I am starting to wonder this because of the life I will live and be unhappy with for the rest of my life..? It sounds really depressing and horrible unless we move VERY far away from them then maybe we could manage..I don’t know, I feel so sad it is like this and that I’m thinking this way.
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    I highly recommend going over to Baby Center (google DWIL Nation) and posting your story there--the posters are highly experienced in "dealing with the in-laws."

    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated August 2019
    Blag ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    But we def aren’t trying to have a baby right now lol. So is this what they all
    Deal with???. :-(
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Yeah it can suck. I love my mother in law but initially we didn’t really talk much. She was never nasty to me but i always got the idea she preferred my husbands ex girlfriend. Over time she and I became close. But you know some relationships just take time to build.
    But prior to that I had felt like man is she just someone I gotta put up with?! Possibly. Some people are unfortunately just people you might have to put up with and be cordial to.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    Sorry this is happening! The good news (I guess?) is you are in control of who you interact with. I can't really interpret since I don't know what was said (and that wouldn't matter - we're not the same person) on whether I'd take any significant steps, or allow it to cool off before trying to reconcile a bit.
    If I felt it required action, I'd actually hold the conversation myself (or as a family meeting but I'd lead) but I'd game plan it with my partner (since he knows her best).
    There's probably something else going on with her, I'd suspect - if you do choose to go the repair route, definitely seek to understand her before bringing your feelings in. Good luck!!
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Megan ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Being or not being parents isn't relevant--the specific DWIL board is open to anyone. It's actually more productive to nip this in the bud before kids, as they'll all tell you (if you plan on having kids).

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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
    • Flag

    I am so sorry for what you are gong through. My MIL has said and done some questionable things to me and my sister in law. I honestly feel she is jealous that her sons are married and living their lives. She also is very desperate for attention it doesn't matter if it's positive or negative attention she craves it and will do anything to get it

    • Reply
  • Chantelle
    Devoted October 2021
    Chantelle ·
    • Flag
    I say don’t put up with it and your husband shouldn’t be laying low about it either. My man and his mom are close but I know that if my FMIL was ever rude/nasty/cruel to me (whether it be briefly or consistently) he would back me and make sure she knows that we’d be cutting her out of our lives if she continues to act a type of way. Love yourself fiercely and don’t tolerate your MIL’s behavior for yourself, your husband, and your future kids if you have any!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Dedicated August 2020
    Michelle ·
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    My future MUL has only boys and is a sweet person and absolutely adores me. I think this is beyond a MIL with only sons. You really need to get your hubby on your side to be a United front. How will she treat your children if she doesn't like you? Bring that to his attention and see what he thinks.
    She could be seeking attention in the worst way possible. I don't know what was said, so I'm not sure if it's that behavior or another. Is she cruel to you in person? Was she like this to your hubb's past partners or her other son's partners? Does she think you are stealing her "precious baby boy"?
    Also, learn the term "grey rock". Become the most boring grey rock to her. Do not react beyond what a grey rock will do unless your life or your hubb's life is in danger.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. Not everyone is like that. My exs family hated my guts no matter what I did to get them to like me. And they were the biggest reason he broke up with me. My fiancés parents however love me and I spend a lot of time with his mom. I got very lucky cause my family loves him and his family loves me.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Also I'd definitely try to get your husband to back you up. If she treats you terrible then how will she treat your kids. My dad's mother hated my mom. Then when my parents had us my dad's mother hated us to. She treated us like crap all our lives and you could tell she favored all the other grandchildren but us. And anytime my parents fought she would always try to convince my dad to divorce her and ditch us kids as well. Years later my dad's mother disowned my dad all together.
    • Reply
  • Britteny
    Dedicated July 2020
    Britteny ·
    • Flag
    My FH mom I didn’t get along with her at first until recent when she told me she was depressed and I reached out to her to see if she was okay and she broke down from there. My FH father we don’t see eye to eye but we respect one another because we love the same person. So I’m glad you stood up for yourself but also see why is she upset try to see on her end. That’s just my opinion ❤️
    • Reply
  • Jayne
    Dedicated June 2022
    Jayne ·
    • Flag

    Wait a minute..................we haven't really heard the story here have we? You didn't say anything at all about what the issue was or what she actually said. I am first in line to say a MIL is talking dog dodo if I hear it.

    You also need to understand that what your generation calls disrespectful, often times is the straight up not always pleasant truth. Unless she's not addressing an issue and just calling you names, I don't consider that disrespectful anymore than I would having you tell her your view.

    What's good for the goose is good for the gander, It IS a 2 way street .

    I suggest you actually WORK to resolve your issues rather than just trying to create and hide behind some artificial boundary. I often wonder when I hear a spouse not standing up for their other half if it's truly something they don't agree with so they play the non-confrontational card to avoid a confrontation in their own home/.

    Time for a reality check

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  • Fany
    Devoted October 2021
    Fany ·
    • Flag
    Sounds like your hubby is the issue, not your MIL. If he tolerates his mom disrespecting you then your marriage will continue to have issues. I get a long with my FMIL now but it wasn't always the case. It mostly got bad because my FBIL would fabricate things I say and run to his mommy and cry. My FH told his brother that if he's ever offended then he needs to seek clarification first before fabricating my words into what he thought I meant. We haven't had an issue since then.
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