Middle Eastern Catholic Traditions

I've been to a wedding where there was a belly dancer. Mind you, the bride is Middle Eastern and she is the one who hired her. She didn't have drums at her wedding.

I don't know any middle eastern catholics but I do know plenty of people from the Middle East.

It's no stereotyping to hiring belly dancers- lots of people do. What may be more offensive is if his family is super religious and wouldn't enjoy it.

Lots of people also hire drummers to enter with. Most venues allow it but I'd ask the venue you're using directly.

My best advice (if you don't want to involve his family) is to look to his friends from that community. Ideally you would have gone to some of their weddings or seen pictures and you can ask for suggestions.

The Middle East is a big place and cultures are diverse. There are a lot of "American" traditions that I've never heard of or would totally cringe at if someone surprised me with it at my wedding. That not only goes for regionality and religion, but also social class and simple familial preferences. I would ask someone in your FS's family that you trust to keep a secret what traditions might be meaningful to do and capable of doing as a surprise.

View Quoted Comment I should have clarified in post. They are Palestinian. Both parents born and raised in Jerusalem.

They are Catholic but not super religious. Last year we went with them to a Brazilian restaurant and they liked seeing the Samba dancers. They weren't offended.

View Quoted Comment Yeah this is a HUGE distinction. It also depends on how they identify themselves religiously. Jewish or Muslim or? Do the speak Arabic or Hebrew or both?

I'm half Saudi Arabian so I can give a little insight for weddings that would be generic and pretty wide spread...fairly common things such as having a henna night, having Mabrook played (pretty typical song for ANY celebration but particularly weddings), etc.
Most weddings (if Palestenian) are separated by gender and men/women never mix..yet TONS of dancing and loud music..there is never alcohol etc...this would be the Muslim side.
For a fairly detailed account of typical weddings for Palestine, here's an article:
https://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/aljazeeraworld/2016/08/palestinian-wedding-160830122422677.html

View Quoted Comment Ah so Palestenian and catholic! What an interesting mix! I'd say you should really ask his parents, or maybe a close friend of his. This is an interesting combination and there may be things I previously mentioned that they would not do, since they identify as Catholic.... belly dancers and drums are generally from different regions (particularly in the kind of music played) but maybe ask if there is something besides the chair/money dance (which is an odd mix of a traditional Jewish celebratory dance and a different tradition!) that they would enjoy seeing at the wedding/reception. If anything they will appreciate you trying to be respectful and blend it in and if it's something their son truly loves, I'm sure they would keep it a surprise!

Hi! First of all congrats! I am half Palestinian and these are some of the thinks I can think of:

Something easy to do is to include middle eastern music in the wedding. A classic dance is the Dabke. I am not sure if y'all were already planning on it but when it comes on it is just something everyone naturally knows and will want to get up and dance to. It's a lot of fun!

Also I know this one is a bit trickier but another option is doing a classic Palestinian Henna tattoo. Again that obviously is pretty different and is on your skin so that one may not be the best option depending on your preference. Those are really some simple things to add that would make a difference. Sorry, hope this is helpful!

View Quoted Comment I didn't know that is an interesting mix. That would explain why all his family is here (even grandparents) and haven't gone back. They speak Arabic but are Catholic. My fiancé, his siblings and all his cousins had their baptism, communion and confirmation. I've been to two of weddings (from his family) and I've seen the chair thing his father asked about. The bride and groom are lifted on chairs, money is thrown at them and there were some guys holding swords. It was different. The two weddings I went to also had this dance that was similar to what Greek people do. I don't know if you k ow what I'm taking about. At both weddings the men and women weren't separated. The brides family on one side and the grooms family on the other side.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. Also thank you for the name of the dance. I was trying to figure out what it's called. I've seen them do that dance at both if his family's wedding. They haven't said anything to me about it, but I was going to ask my Fiancé if they wanted to do that at the reception. I couldn't remember the name and didn't want to say it's that dance that reminds me of a Greek wedding.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I know what you mean. As pp said Dabke is pretty normal and low key traditional for weddings
When I first read your post I thought you were Catholic and mixing in the middle eastern

Yeah being of any "Christian" faith in the Middle Eastern countries is uncommon and generally persecuted - it is not easy to be any of the general Christian faiths and be there...that could very well be why they have left and not gone back, they could have come on asylum from wars etc. There are many, many reasons.
Since they speak Arabic I would say to look online and look for the song Mabrouk...this is a pretty classic congratulatory song - it is the song my FH and I will be entering our reception to (My dad doesn't know and this is going to make him VERY happy). You can look up the literal English words for it if you like, but Id say it is a fairly safe choice. (Link to sing on youtube):
https://g.co/kgs/8zhkq6

However, since you've said they've never gone back, please ask someone close to them - in this case, traditions without asking can do one of two things: make them extremely happy and proud, or sad, it's a fine line when you don't know their reasons.
A surprise is only great if you KNOW it is a happy one and I think it is wonderful you are incorporating them and wanting to do nice things, but maybe ask your FH or a friend etc. and leave it as a surprise for his family - still a surprise, but something you know will be taken in the right context

View Quoted Comment

There is actually a large percentage of Christians in Jerusalem and the Catholic church is pretty big there. This post actually brings back so many memories! I was engaged in college to a Palestinian from Jerusalem and I moved to Jerusalem after I graduated. He was a Christian pastor with his own church in Jerusalem. Jerusalem is actually divided into 4 quarters: the Christian quarter, the Jewish quarter, the Muslim quarter, and the Armenian quarter. A lot of Palestinians left Israel during the 1st Intifada (Palestinian riots) during late 80's/early 90's to escape the conflict and persecution from Israel. Many came to the U.S. during that time period, but a lot more probably went to Australia. My ex's family moved to Sydney, Australia where there is a rather large Arab population.

Anyway, I went to his brother's wedding in Sydney. He married another Arab woman but she had grown up in Australian so she was quite Western. They did have a lot of Middle Eastern music and food, but the men and women danced together and for the most part, the wedding resembled a Western wedding. The unusual thing that stood out to me was all the women would make loud, hollering noises with their tongues to signal a joyful celebration.

When my ex and I planned our wedding, there weren't any Middle Eastern traditions that we were incorporating. Though, the bride usually goes about a week to a few days before to a salon to have her body hair waxed, if you know what I mean. They were doing Brazilians long before they became popular in the U.S.!

As for the belly dancing, I would ask someone in his family or his friends about this. This is not really something you see in Jerusalem, though my ex did say they (boys and girls) learned this in gym class in school as a form of exercise.

View Quoted Comment I asked him about the belly dancers. He said they do have it in Jerusalem, but for his family it's purely entertainment. It doesn't have meaning for them.

View Quoted Comment I decided to talk to my fiancé about it. He's fine with our ceremony being in Italian and how we are having Italian food at our venue so I want him to feel comfortable putting more of his traditions in the wedding. He said my parents are paying for the ceremony and reception he doesn't want to impose. It took a long time for my parents to accept him. They were worried that he was actually Muslim (not really Catholic) and they were upset that he wasn't "a nice Italian boy". They eventually started to accept him and are excited about the wedding. He says he doent want to lose that. His father really wanted that chair/money dance and he is going to dance with his mom with an Arabic song. They are more than happy with that. I told him if he and his family wants to do the Dabke dance then they should. There's nothing more I can really do, right?

View Quoted Comment Technically, you are eight and if he andhos family are REALLY ok, then yes all set. But with the way you explained it, I wonder if he is concerned that your parents will be unhappy/cause conflict if you and he were to incorporate more of his family and their traditions.
If anyone is to do anything, perhaps it would be your parents saying "we want you to feel welcome" (assuming they now do...)...have you spoken to them about all of this? Your phrasing makes it seem as though there might be other things (small or big) that he/his family would like, but are afraid of "rocking the boat"....

Perhaps one way to put it to your parents would be " I want them to feel as welcome in my family as I am in theirs...imagine how we would feel as a family, how you would feel, if it seemed like our traditions were being ran over and didn't matter, it would hurt yes? So maybe we can communicate to them that we are at least open to ideas?" And if they do and the answer from your fiancé is still the same, COOL!


Just an idea and my opinion on what to do if you got the same feeling as I did by what was said, not at all required of course .