Microwedding guest list?!

The reality is this even for the elopement ceremony I did I am sure a good friend I would've had there if we had more people was bothered I didn't find a way to allow her to come but my husband has social anxiety and didn't want more people. It was what it was. Some people will be bothered by it's your day and you invite whom you want. If anyone asks just say you want to keep it really intimate and unfortunately couldn't invite everyone.

View Quoted Comment Thank you ♥️

I decided to cut out friends completely and only invite our parents. At one point, I considered siblings but I don't get along with my FH's brother and FH isn't too keen on my sister. And both siblings can't go to any event without bringing a significant other, which they have a new one every 1 to 3 months. They have even skipped out on family reunions precovid simply bc they didn't have a significant other to bring.
We didn't want to invite any friends bc, I, personally couldnt choose between my friends. It also decreases COVID risk. To my knowledge, no one has been offended.

View Quoted Comment Good advice - thank you! I agree it would just be easier to eliminate friends altogether but do have some friends that have really been my family over the years, so it’s important for me to have them there.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all of this wedding planning, it’s that the guest list is the worst! Tbh, I don’t think there is any perfect solution when it comes to trying to keep your guest list small. No matter what, someone is getting left out or feeling disappointed. I think the only way to avoid it is to invite literally everyone that has ever had any significance in your life- which is usually unfeasable (and undesirable). In the end, you just have to do what is right for you and your fiancé, and hope everyone is understanding.

We’re not having a micro wedding but I feel where you’re coming from. I have a large family, his side not so much & we have a ton of friends. My siblings each have 5 grown kids plus their partners & some of them have kids of their own. If we invited all of our family & friends we’re looking at around 250+ which is something we did not want. We wanted a small intimate affair with around 80 guests (that’s small for us). So we made serious cuts. I told my siblings that they’re invited but as far as their grown kids are concerned, they aren’t invited siting we just couldn’t afford it. We’re also having a no children ceremony (except for the flower girl & ring bearer). We just don’t want to have a bunch of kids running around. Our kids (he has 1 son $ I have 4 from previous relationships) are older & out of the house. We were nervous about how people would react but this is our wedding & our vision.

It's difficult, but I think it's good that you've set parameters to help you decide!

We initially had a list of 130 but downsized to 35. Our guidelines were wedding party + SOs/kids, and immediate, local family that we consistently talk to.

View Quoted Comment Sounds exactly what I’m thinking of

Reality is not all friends and family will know each other so that criteria won't work for most couples.


The best thing to do is make a list of those you absolutely want in attendance and cannot imagine the day without.

View Quoted Comment Probably a better approach 😊

My fiancé and I had to do the same thing this past summer. We had to come to terms with our wedding being downsized so we decided to build our list based on who knows the two of us as a couple and have spent time with us as a couple. When we were done our list went down from 80 to 46 and we are very happy with it. We want our wedding to consist on those who are dear to us and communicate with us often. It was hard at first to cut the list more so for me since his family is so small and I know all of them very well, whereas my family is so large and majority didn’t even know my fiancé’s name. So you can try to trim your list based on that. We only have 5 friends in attendance two of which is the best man and maid of honor our long time best friends and the other three were the ones who were with us from the very start of our relationship, basically there when we met and fell and love and have been with us over the years. So it was very important to have them in attendance. We still plan to have virtual guests which I love because every wedding COVID or not has a cut off and you’re never truly able to invite them all but live streaming allows you to include everyone. So you can look at it from that perspective too.

View Quoted Comment Thank for the perspective! Also important to not just think in friend/family circles and really make sure you’ve got the people that mean the most to you and your partner

Since most of my family is out of state and can't travel, I won't be able to have them at my wedding. Just my parents and two sisters. My mom suggested that we could have a get together for our 1 year anniversary with my family that wasn't able to be there and also because my FH has only met a few of them and wants to meet ppl that would have been there.

Do the micro wedding then have a at home reception for cheap casual so everyone is happy. That's what we are planning in doing. And if you do decide to do that and you have a videographer you can play that then so it's like their still part of it.

View Quoted Comment Good call! Yes we’d plan for an at home picnic type gathering. Thanks

I can relate but a little flipped-we chose to have only close friends and no family. Scrolling through your comments, our friends have been on the forefront with us most of our lives(before and now during our 6 year relationship). Given that it’s same sex we want to be around that genuine energy and be able to get lost in our day of love and unification without any distractions of what others are thinking or just anything. Having it out of town gives us an immediate out for a lot of people in that way lol I know it sounds bad but like you’ve said-my friends have truly been my family over the years in a lot situations so it’s important to me they are there 😊 you are doing the right thing by inviting those that are important to you both and actually KNOW you both as a couple ♥️

View Quoted Comment True! I find it important myself to have people there that truly know me as a person and know me and my fiancé As a couple. Thanks 😊♥️

View Quoted Comment No problem! 😊

Kristen,
My FH and I come from big families. As much as we want to invite all of them for our special day, we want to have a very small wedding because we want it to be more intimate. We're going to have 40 people in total. I had to be very strict on my list (20 people from my side and vice versa for FH) because it would create a domino effect if I invited one family and not the other who is just as close. At the end of the day we already know that other family members (not so much our friends who will be a little more understanding) will be sad or upset for not being included. And at the end of the day it's about me and my FH, not them.

Just invite those who TRULY matter (those that you really would want to be there) and stick with a number. Make sure to let them know if they are or are not allowed to bring a plus one or other.

My wedding planner give us a survey to email to guests to gauge how comfortable they would be attending a wedding during Covid-19. This helped eliminate people who would not feel comfortable attending in person or who had unrealistic expectations (everyone getting tested, etc). For everyone else, I kinda went with my gut and how disappointed I would feel if they weren’t there. My family is small and not close, so close friends ended up taking a priority. I also thought about who has made an effort to keep up the friendship during Covid when it’s so easy to lose touch. Those are people worth inviting!