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Just Said Yes October 2021

Micromanaging “mob”

Heather, on June 12, 2019 at 1:28 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

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Hi wedding wire peeps! First of all CONGRATS on your engagement and upcoming wedding 💍🎉! I know I’m over the moon with excitement, but my wedding isn’t for another year and a half and the stress is already getting overwhelming. I know stress is expected, but is anyone having or has had problems with their mother being WAY TOO MUCH?! We had been engaged an hour before she started micromanaging pictures, posts, and etc. Now she is taking over the wedding venue and all plans, she will one minute say it’s all about us and what we want, but then we say what we want and she comes up with a 100 reasons why that won’t work just bc that’s not what she had in mind 🤦🏻‍♀️. It’s way too early on to let this go any further. I don’t want to upset her, but I also want her to respect our wishes. Any recommendations?! Is this a common thing?!

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on June 13, 2019 at 8:09 AM

Master January 2019
FutureMrsKC · on June 12, 2019 at 1:34 PM
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I think it can be common but you need to cut her off from planning for you until it gets to be too much, which it sounds like it already is. Is she paying for everything? If not, tell her you appreciate her input but you really want to plan the wedding with your FH and you will let her know your plans as needed.
Have a talk with her that you want to do this yourself and take the reigns and that she is more than welcome to help in a non-overbearing way.
Take care of it now before you're too deep in.
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VIP September 2019
Lauren · on June 12, 2019 at 1:35 PM
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Is she paying for it?
If yes, then she gets a say in how her money is used and what she wants.
If no, then stop sharing details and asking her opinion on things.
Mothers are just as excited if not more so, about the wedding. She is most likely just really proud. If you have a good relationship I would suggest sitting her down and talking about the ways she can help reduce your stress. In a positive and calm manner.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on June 12, 2019 at 1:46 PM
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Common! Mine wanted to pick the wedding party!
You have to be blunt and just say you do not want her to help with planning.
Unless she's paying, then it's kind of hard because she does get input
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on June 12, 2019 at 2:23 PM
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If she is paying she Does get a say since it is her money. I think you your fiancé and mom each should make a top ten list of what you want in the wedding.
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Expert October 2019
Heather · on June 12, 2019 at 4:15 PM
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Our DJ said he once had a bride hand him a photo of her mother and tell him “not to listen to a word this woman says.” The photo was so he would be able to identify her lol. Let’s hope you don’t have to take it that far, but if speaking to her doesn’t work, you can always make your vendors aware that she has no say.
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Master October 2017
karen · on June 12, 2019 at 4:41 PM
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AT least she did not want to pick out the groom!!
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Just Said Yes October 2021
Heather · on June 12, 2019 at 4:41 PM
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So my dad is paying for the majority of it, but she “rules the roost” so she could easily pull the “my money, my way card”. Thanks for all the comments! I really try to sit her down and have a reasonable conversation with her about boundaries and see where it goes! I do want to respect her wishes and keep my sanity at the same time lol!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on June 12, 2019 at 4:47 PM
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Take back the reigns immediately. She should not be planning/managing vendors or this will quickly become her wedding, not yours. Tell her you appreciate her joy but you need to be leading your wedding day. If she continues to be an issue, tell her, then only share some details AFTER you booked/decided. Still a problem? Tell her & stop sharing details.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on June 12, 2019 at 5:01 PM
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Yes. Yes I have.
I had a full on meltdown one day because of her. In front of her. I'm not one to freak out about much.
After that, she shut up.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on June 12, 2019 at 6:51 PM
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Oh she would have if she could! Thankfully she's happy with him.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on June 12, 2019 at 6:56 PM
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Also I want to add that a lot of vendors might not feel comfortable not talking to the bride or groom, especially so if the mother of the bride is over the top. While help from family is common typically the bride calls the shots and they might be more reluctant to work with you or neogaite prices if your mother looks like she's being over bearing. It makes a higher risk with someone being unhappy with their services so they'll want to protect themselves. You could probably gently point that out to her because I am sure nobody wants to spend more money than needed. It'll at least allow you to have direct contact with the vendors.
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Dedicated July 2019
Michelle · on June 12, 2019 at 7:53 PM
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Yep. Had a full blow out fight in the driveway over mothers day. My mom was insisting on things, and I wasn't having it. She then admitted that she is afraid that she will be embarrassed if it doesn't go the way she envisioned, she thinks it will be a joke (she wants a really religious theme, and I'm just not going there - I'm an atheist! Why would I???), and she will be too sad and upset to enjoy the day unless she gets her way. I told her if she was going to be that upset, sad, and embarrassed, she didn't need to be there. She quickly changed her tune. I needed to remind her that she is not in charge, she is not the decision maker in my wedding and marriage, and all decisions regarding the wedding are made by myself and my fiance. That's it.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on June 13, 2019 at 8:09 AM
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Well I decided to do a destination wedding because after being engaged for 2 weeks My mom had a list 100 long who NEEDED to be invited. It wasn't easy to do but I took her out to her favorite restaurant and we were laughing and joking then I politely explained to her that I appreciated how excited she was and that we decided to do destination wedding to keep it more intimate but my compromise was I gave her the Bridal Shower she gets to plan, book, hire, fire I'll just show up! She was upset and first but now her eyes light up like a kid in a candy store every time she talks about the shower.
So maybe you can compromise have the talk with your mom but let her own one thing. Maybe she can be in charge of your engagement party if you are having one but tell her that you and your FH really want to plan your wedding together you want it to be your vision. Just keep reassuring her how you appreciate her excitement.
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