Micromanagement /Constant Procrastination ="You plan the damn wedding!"

My fh likes to have a lot of say in everything as well (As in take my ideas and turn them into something he likes better). I let him have his opinions on the big things but just buy the small things while he is working to prevent useless arguments We are both happier this way.

I really wish we could divide responsibility that way. The useless arguments and constant questions are exhausting to me. He seems to like debating and questioning things (seems like a family trait), and I don't. I hate it. I'm not about talking and debating all day, I'm former Navy, I'm about action. Although we're compatible in nearly every other way, that part about him drives me insane and makes me dread conversations with him about things we need to get done.

Hi Tamika! What are the debates framed around, is it the budget? Does he question how much you want to spend for different aspects of your wedding? I keep circling back to the part about the guest list, this seems like a very easy argument to settle with him, especially if you already have your venue. Each additional person costs $XX and we only have $XXXX budgeted for our reception, which means we can only invite a certain amount of people to the wedding.

Now, it would probably do you some good to cave slightly on this by saying, "Let's cut out all 2nd cousins across the board", or something similar. Because, if you make it seem like your side is perfect and his is messed up, he's going to protest just because us guys never do anything messed up.

If you try to frame your arguments in a way he'll understand, you can be back on board ENJOYING planning, versus arguing with your FH. I know you don't like arguing with him, no one does, but this is your day! Trust yourself.

Just hang in there take five things that are important to you and non negotionable. you make sure those are done your way. he may not take to this demand too kindly but he should realize you want 5 out of the hundreds of decisions in weddimg planning. The guest list.....get it under control dont send out 200 invites when its only room for 100 people to fit comfortably.

Hmmm, maybe a little pre-marital counseling is in order? People don't change when they get married, if he is like this with the wedding, it could put a damper on your marraige. Just suggestion one or two counseling sessions before the wedding so that you two can communicate better.

Here's another way to look at it. The wedding is a project, and the two of you are project managers. You need to find a way to complete the task without constantly stepping on each other's toes. You're about action, he's about reflection first. Both are legitimate, but can be difficult if you're working on everything together. Divide the tasks. Then he can debate with himself and anybody who will listen, and you can do your stuff.

The point is, you will have many more projects to accomplish as a couple. So the sooner you figure out an effective way to work together, the better.

Thank you! The project management analogy makes so much sense to me. We've been to counseling, and we're trying to learn how to adapt our ways to each other, but its definately a process.

You are aware that these personality traits will not go away once you are married, right? You'll always have these differences. Right now it's planning a wedding. Some day it will be buying a house, or a even a car. Some day it will be how you raise your kids. Someday it will be cleaning out the garage.

At the same time, it sounds like you are trying to do it all- and he may feel left out. The problem is you are doing all the research. Try doing the research together. Set aside 2 hours at a time to work on the wedding- together. It may be making phone calls, or doing online research. Show him your research. This is a huge financial expense- he want to be comfortable with it. You just want it done.

But I seriously think you need to reconsider if this is the type of marriage you want to have. This is a pretty huge issue, and if counseling hasn't helped much- you need keep going.