Micro-wedding / Elopement with divorced parents

Is it limited to 6 because it’s a micro-wedding? I know some places have micro-wedding packages and I’ve seen it limited to 10. I totally get the dilemma. My parents would be hurt if they were excluded. I would see if you could bump the guests up to 10 (8 parents if remarried, 2 others). If it’s just awkwardness, they’ll have to get over it and they should be nice to each other (or at least not talk without it being awkward.) They were married at some point and had kids so they’ll have to get used to being in each others lives at some point. I would explain how important it is to have everyone there, how you understand it might be weird, and how much you appreciate their putting differences aside to celebrate you and your fiancé’s love.

Actually, for many people, the reality is that they never, ever , will get used to being in each other's lives, don't want to, and have no intention of trying. That was the point of divorce, for them. This is something you want to celebrate, now. And in the future there will be many occasions, especially if you have children. I think you should cut these foolish strings of obligation, that mommy and daddy will be upset if you marry without them. So what. Up til now they have always put their wish for maximum drama ahead of their grown children's wish that they start behaving like parents first and spoiled children last. So let that continue one more time, to show yourselves and them that you really do have an option of cutting out their dysfunctional selves from their lives. Elope. No info, no advance planning with them. Enjoy yourselves without the nastiness of their bad marriages running
over into yours.

LW’s advice makes sense to me. If you consider the micro-wedding route, have an honest conversation with each of your parents about whether they can handle being together as part of a small group and celebrating with you. If they can’t, then elopement might be the better option. And if you and your FH prefer to elope, then do that - it’s ultimately your choice.

First of all Congratulations on your engagement!! I would say to do what makes you happy and your FH happy. If that is to elope, then go for it. If you choose to do some type of wedding I think you need to talk to all of your parents and explain how important this day is to you. They should be able to act like adults for one day and put their differences aside. My son got married a few years ago and my ex and I just did our own thing on that day and my daughter is getting married in October and we have to do it again. While we’ve had a very toxic relationship we realize the importance of these special moments for our kids and put our differences aside for that day. Your parents can do it I’m sure. Good luck.

Talk to your parents. If they can't handle themselves for the sake of your wedding, then they aren't invited, and you two elope.

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Thank you for your advice! It's not limited because of the venue or anything, we just want to keep it as small as possible. My FH and I are very introverted and prefer something more intimate!

It's definitely mostly because of the awkwardness because my mom left my dad because he was very verbally and emotionally abusive to her, so its really difficult for her to see him.

I just worry about putting her in a bad position and especially since then all day I'll just be worried/anxious about it instead of being excited for my wedding (I'm a super worry wort!)

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Yeah, my dad was pretty verbally/emotionally abusive to my mom so it's hard for her to see him. She wants to just cut him off because of how manipulative he can be.

If they were there, I'd just be worried/anxious all day about it, rather than being happy and excited about getting married. I fear it will spoil the wedding for me, so I'm leaning towards eloping! I know it's what we want personally, it's just about "hurt feelings". Thank you for your perspective!

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Thank you!!

I've talked with my mom about it and she says she thinks it'd be fine with her, but I think all day at my wedding I'm just going to be worried/anxious about her (since my dad was toxic, verbally abusive), rather than being happy and excited about getting married. I'm leaning towards eloping because at this point I'm so sick and tired of worrying about it. I just want to get married and have a great day with my FH!

Thank you for your advice!

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Thank you! We really want to elope, but I fear hurt feelings :/

I'm very close to my mom so I feel like I'm betraying her or something by not including her in our wedding day.

I wanted to do a wedding celebration dinner with her and other people, but I guess it's "not the same". So complicated! Might end up just eloping and having a wonderful day without the anxiety of family issues.

View Quoted Comment Ohhhh that is a totally different situation. You could: include your mom and skip inviting your dad, livestream the elopement, elope and have your celebration with your mom even though it’s not the same. I’m sorry you have to deal with this on top of figuring everything else out!

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Yeah it's been difficult! Very complicated...
I really like the livestream option! I will have to bring that up to my FH! I also considered only inviting my mom since I'm quite close to her, but i feel like if we invite MY mom, then we should invite my FH's mom, and then where do we draw the line? His stepdad was also very manipulative of him in the past so how do we invite his mom without inviting his stepdad? Ugh!But thank you so much for your advice!It's been hard because I can't talk to anyone else about it since everyone is too close. We'll be talking about these options!

Hi Emily!

I can totally relate! I'm having a small wedding with no more than 35 guests and I have divorced parents, sadly my father was also abusive to my mother and all 5 of his kids. They have been divorced for almost 10 years after being together for 13 years. I decided to include them both in my wedding because that's what I wanted to do. If you feel like you don't want to, DON'T, or if you only want to invite certain people please do! It can be really hard to have that conversation, but boundaries and expectations will help your big day go the way that you and your FH really want. I hope it all works out for you and CONGRATS on your engagement!