Expert September 2021

Mental Health

on March 4, 2021 at 9:42 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 16
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I've gotten myself into such a rabbit hole with forums lately! I've come across way more brides than I realized who just seem down and unmotivated with their wedding - whether it be Covid restrictions, postponing, serious S.O drama or just lack of support. It has honestly broken my heart! I consider myself very blessed being a "covid bride" and haven't had significant issues during my engagement, but I know that's not the case for many!

So, I just want see how everyone is doing?!? Are you keeping the excitement if you've had to back-peddle with wedding planning? Are your people helping to make you feel special? Just how is everyone holding up?!

Any advice from brides who are thriving through their engagement?

16 Comments

Latest activity by whirlwind, on March 6, 2021 at 11:55 AM
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I'm definitely one of those brides. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and stress for me. Sometimes I feel like I don't even want to have a wedding. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack from the stress. My fiance does his best to help me out with the wedding and helping me feel at ease, but unfortunately with him going to work and school it's sometimes hard for him. And my bridesmaids have been trying to help me out the best they can rather it be listening to me complain or cry or literally helping me with tasks. Which I appreciate them all.


    My tip that I find that works for me is that when everything seems like it's spiraling out of control and everything seems so stressful I go to YouTube and search up calming natural noises like a river with birds chirping or a beach. Or sometimes I turn on the show planet earth. Nature really soothes me and calms me right down.
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  • Kristin
    Devoted December 2021
    Kristin ·
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    Personally, I’ve been super stressed. I work full time and am in my last year of school while trying to plan. On top of that we have had some major vendor issues. My FH tries to help where he can and talk it out with me but sometimes it doesn’t work lol. I’ve been pretty stubborn on not wanting to hire a planner but FH and my parents finally convinced me to hire one for my own sanity. We only just hired her but I can already feel myself less stressed knowing there is someone to take care of all the little details.


    FH and I do a weekly date night where wedding planning is not on the list of things we talk about. That seems to really help me step away from all of the stress.
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    My wedding isn’t until end of October **** I used to be excited for it but now I’m not at all. My mom is unsupportive and my FH’s family is just too much drama. Maybe as it gets closer I’ll get more excited, but right now just in a lull since have really nothing to plan.
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  • Expert September 2021
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    Good friends are a lifeline! I'm glad you have a good support system - that was one of the main things I saw searching through forums. It's so helpful to have those people who are rooting for! Even when you don't root for yourself! I've never even thought of the peaceful, nature sounds to ease stress. That has to be some sort of meditation! Good for you!

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  • Expert September 2021
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    A wedding planner can be SO nice! It's so relieving to know that someone is taking care of the things you may look over. My fiancé and I also try to do a date night at least once a week and try to avoid wedding talk - it sounds cheesy, but those are the moments you don't always prioritize but they are OH so important!

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  • Expert September 2021
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    I hate that. I've seen a lot of others who don't feel like they're getting much, if any, support from family or friends and it breaks my heart. Since your wedding is a good while away, maybe your mom and FH's family will get their act together and you will feel more celebrated!

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  • Tone
    Devoted July 2021
    Tone ·
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    I’ve been stressed about school and work and the safety of my high risk family that I live with. wedding planning has honestly been the least stressful thing this past year but god has it been stressful.
    What really helped me with the stress is I stopped caring what other people thought. I know that sounds stupid and hard but hear me out, I was so focused on what a wedding /should be/ that I wasn’t thinking about what I /wanted/ my wedding to be. There are so many traditions and rules that I thought I HAD to but I realized that the only thing I have to do it what makes me and my FH happy. So I just stopped caring what people thought. I don’t have to please everyone, and realizing that was so liberating.
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  • Expert September 2021
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    Wow, good for you! That's honestly so inspiring. You and your FH are all that matter at the end of the day - societal norms/standards definitely make it easy to forget that!

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  • H
    Devoted August 2023
    Hhh ·
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    I’ll share a happy story about our wedding that should have been last Saturday... we actually spent the evening toasting to the GOOD fortune of postponing 😊 If covid hadn’t pushed us to postpone, we would have been in TX for the freak snow storm (living without heat/water for the week with my family, helping cut out damaged dry wall) many of our vendors may have been forced to back out, and the outdoor ceremony would have been in 40 degree weather! Instead, we hope to have a safe and warm event in October.


    That said, when we made the decision to postpone, I was truly devastated. So to anyone else feeling that way, sometimes things will work out in ways you could never expect. You can be both sad and upset while still being grateful for the things you do have - hang in there! 😉
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Thank you 😊
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  • MD Parise
    Savvy October 2021
    MD Parise ·
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    I've had to let go of expectations as far as support - my family has never been supportive of anything and they're not going to change. In planning, I'm being careful not to take on anything that I can't handle on my own or with my fiance's help. I've also learned to block out the COVID drama as much as possible and keep those addicted to it at arm's length. It's been a great reason to trim our guest list with hopes of having a relaxed reception. I set aside time every Sunday afternoon to work on wedding DIY projects and listen to calming music and it reminds to enjoy this time and focus on the more important thing - who I'm marrying and why - instead of getting caught up in all the little details.

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  • Expert September 2021
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    What a happy story!! That is so awesome! I'm glad such good came from your unforeseen circumstances!

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  • Expert September 2021
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    This is so perfectly said. I really hate that you've had to learn to be accustomed to letting go of expectations with this - but this is such a healthy and positive attitude and perspective!

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  • Leigh
    Savvy June 2021
    Leigh ·
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    Yes! All of us Covid brides need more positivity!

    My family and friends have been amazingly supportive throughout this crazy planning process. We’ve postponed once and downsized twice which were all extremely difficult decisions. Our family had been great at highlighting all of the traditions and good things about a wedding we’ll still get to experience and have done a wonderful job of making sure we don’t feel slighted. Our friends have been incredibly understanding and have done a great job of letting us know how excited they are to attend virtually. Many of them are dressing up and pouring champagne in their living rooms! I love that they’re still making it a special celebration day. My MOHs are making sure all pre wedding festivities are just as special even though they’re smaller. Our family & friends have made all of our decisions much easier and make sure we’re still excited for every bit of it. I’m so thankful.

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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. I started noticing some similar patterns in posts so the biggest thing I did for my mental health was to take a step back and a break from the forums. I check in every so often to see if there is good news, excitement etc.

    I know it’s been challenging for everyone especially with planning events and weddings during a pandemic. It’s been especially hard this past week as we were in the midst of looking for a day of coordinator to help with several things, and received notice that our photographer will be unavailable for our date, which was completely understandable. After finding another photographer, we received notice that the event space that we reserved for our reception will no longer be available and have to choose an alternate space. The good news is they have 2 other event spaces available. It’s not quite what we had hoped for as we could have chosen one of these spaces from the get-go but it may be better because the space we’re going with is larger so it will allow guests to space apart and spread out more, and hopefully allow the capacity that we are anticipating.

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  • whirlwind
    Devoted March 2021
    whirlwind ·
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    Our engagement and wedding might be a bit unusual. We have a short engagement 3 1/2 months and we will have a wedding at the church and the church's backyard. We have a small budget but amazing support from friends. The hardest thing has been that my family can't come because of covid travel restrictions.

    Neither me nor my fiancé are American but we'll get married here in the States and I just moved here. Navigating cultural differences and expectations has been the hardest thing for me. I really want everyone to have a good time but I have no idea what people expect.

    We are doing pretty much everything DIY. Our only vendors are photographer, chairs and a foodtruck. I have friends who do my Hair&Make-Up, our cake and my bouquet and a friend helping with decorations and a friend being Emcee. I know so many brides here warn about frendors and it's kind of frowned upon, so I hardly want to mention it anymore. But really this was the only way we can have our 80 guest wedding. I know everyone who is involves loves to help. I have helped at friends' weddings and didn't mind at all. Where I come from in general weddings are a little bit more low key than here and it is not unusual that close friends and family come together to make it happen.

    With that much DIY and cultural stress, I have been pretty stressed. Plus my FH helps where he can but he is absolutely not a planner. I have cried, I've been unfair to my FH, I had sleepless nights, I wanted to call it off, I had cold feet, I kept changing my mind, I spend hours looking for dresses in case I wouldn't like mine after alterations, I had decision fatigue, ... I've been through it all.

    But now we are only two weeks out and I am just really excited to get married.

    What has helped?

    I just embraced my stress and moodiness. I read a book about how normal it is to go through a lot of emotions while being engaged. I embraced the saying goodbye to my single years, I grieved that my parents can't be here and that I can't have the German wedding I have dreamed of, I allowed myself to feel super stressed and not excited (I mean who plans a wedding in a foreign country she just moved to, with a short time frame, a small budget and in the middle of a pandemic) and just trusted that by the time the wedding will come around I would be excited.

    I am still nervous if people will like my wedding, what our guests think, how everything will work out. But I myself don't need a lot. I want a beautiful dress, happy guests, a cake and to be married at the end of the day. The closer the day comes the less I am focusing on the wedding but I am actually excited about the honeymoon and everything that comes after that. We are not living together yet, so the wedding and getting married will change a lot for us and we are super excited.

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