Memorial tribute to loved ones

@Bailey--I live where Monarchs migrate during the time that I will release them, and I have done my research. Animal cruelty? You do not know me, nor do you know what you are talking about. I don't understand why you would have such a tone; there is no need to be rude. Especially when someone is sharing about something emotional, maybe consider censoring before you hit post. Be kind.

FH and I have both lost a lot of people close to us, especially in the last year. I think that we are just going to have photos with a sign that says something like "we know you'd be here today if heaven weren't so far away" or "those that love us never really leave us". I'm not a fan of the empty chair.

Small photo of my FH father in my boquet

FH's sister sent the locket that she wore in her wedding. It has a picture of their mom in it. But in addition to that, we're going to have a white candle with lilies around it as the centerpiece for the sweetheart table with the names of our loved ones carved into it. His mom, his grandpa, his brother, and my grandma.

We were thinking something like this.

We got 4 candles for each set of our grandparents and will light them at the beginning of the wedding that will sit on the small table with the sand for our sand ceremony.

I'm having a picture of my dad on a locket attached to my bouquet. My mum died nearly a year ago and I have kept some of her ashes. I'll be putting some in the flower arrangement for our table so i know she'll be there. Only me, FH and my sister know I'm doing this.

We are having a vase with 7 roses in it with a framed poem. The 7 roses represent both sets of my grandparents and my FH parents and sister.

We're going to do pictures and either a candle or a sign on top of the mantle of our venue.

Jac? Please do not do butterflies. It almost never works, it's cruel and it it's just, frankly, a little weird. When they migrate? They migrate to die. I know this because I had a partner who was from southern NJ, one of the places in the northeast that is known for this.

There was nothing rude about the tone of that post. I've seen this with several of my couples and it was so miserable I'd never recommend it.

what you COULD do, and several of my couples have done this, is include a silk or feather butterfly in each centerpiece. Inevitably, people ask about it. I think it's subtle and meaningful too.

@Alexis? Someone needs to sit next to those empty chairs, and I've seen this unravel ceremonies in the most heartbreaking and irretrievable way. There is no way to gauge how the other people in the audience will react to seeing that.

@Nicole? I love that. It is simply perfect.

My Mom passed when I was 21 years old. As I was planning, people kept asking if I'd put out a memorial table. I personally find them to be a bit morbid. Instead I had photos from every immediate family members wedding, including our parents and grandparents. I viewed it as a nice symbol of our families merging. It was a big hit!

I also wore my mothers veil, had lilacs in my bouquet (they were Mom's favorite), and her photo in a locket on my bouquet. My father also requested we played their wedding song, so we ended the night with it. The only one anyone really knew about was my Mother's veil. All of the rest of them were there to make me feel closer to Mom, so unless you knew her I kept it private.

As per the empty chair, I would never want to be next to the empty chair. You might tell and clear it with the loved one sitting next to it, but you never know how they'll react that day. I would keep it as personal as possible. You don't want to trigger anyone else that day!

We are doing a 'wish you were here' chalk board sign that I just painted on a frame from the dollar tree, a lantern with a candle in it, and a photo of each person we have lost, which is 2 sets of grandparents and aunts, but I am at a loss as to where to put the table? I see that some people say by the guest book but then others say by the altar on like pinterest.

I'm personally having 5 seats that say "reserved" on them for the 5 loved ones that are no longer with us!

Our guestbook table was set up as a memorial table on the other side to honor those we wished could be there.

UO: anything a guest can recognize as a memorial is inappropriate at a wedding. Remember your people in ways that only you know about. No one should look over at an empty chair, or sign, or table, or candle, or whatever and be reminded that their loved one isn't there with them.

Oh and I have attended two weddings with butterfly releases, and both had drifts of dead ones. It turned out to be really morbid. Just a thought.

Thanks so much for all of your ideas!

I've seen weddings where they just have a small table set up with photos of the loved ones with maybe a candle. Not a "dinner table" just a small table, near the entrance or something.

My fiancé's mother died of cancer a few years ago. We are going to have a small table up front with our family sand tribute in the middle of two ferns. Ferns were her favorite plant & so will make a note of it on the program.

@Celia--I did not post the original question asking for critique. The OP asked what others were doing. I shared what I was doing. I did not ask for people to comment on my decision, nor do I think it is okay to offer criticism when it is not asked for. I read the tone as off-putting and unnecessary, and I reserve the right to tell someone not to be rude to me when I was not the one asking for advice; I was simply sharing my choice. Which is what it is. Perhaps I am oversensitive, but this is an oversensitive topic, and I am a sensitive person. It does not make my reaction wrong, and I do not need you to tell me what I am to feel or not feel--just as I also did not ask for your perspective on my choice.

Since you care so much about my ceremony, at least understand my position: I live in Pismo Beach, CA where the Monarchs are living in June/July. I have spoken with a Park Ranger at the habitat, and I am fully confident in my decision. I am having my ceremony as a private ceremony with my FH and officiant on my 80 acre property under two oak trees where I have a memorial bench for my brother. I have found great comfort in feeling his closeness to me since his passing through encounters with butterflies. It is not for a public display. It is for him.

I think it is important in a public forum that people are especially mindful of content and tone. We are all in very stressful places in our lives as we are planning our weddings. There are nice ways of being critical. There are nice ways of offering concern. There are also times when people should reserve their comments and self-censor. Long story, less long. She hurt my feelings. I do not need to justify my feelings to you or anyone else. It is okay that I stood up for myself.

We are doing a small table with pictures and a sign.