Memorial Table: What did you include?

I have a table outside the sanctuary that is a beautiful table & when I saw it I went “that’s the table for the memorial” my FH doesn’t know about it though he lost his grandfather 10 years ago who he was quite close to. He was a pastor , and we are having our ceremony & reception in the family church. I have asked FH’s grandmother (wife if grandfather) to provide one of his bibles so I can open it to a beautiful piece of scripture. I will add pictures & candles. I found really pretty glass ones at $tree that we’re a perfect look of what I was picturing, along with 2 big pillar candles & a sign telling what the table is for. My father who I was never very close to will also be honored but the main reason for it is his grandfather. He also had a tradition where they ate a certain kind of chips& drank a specific soda, and I will be having. His BM deliver a bag& can to him that says “I believe your granddad would want you to have these today” I hope it makes him happy & loved not sad tho.( his parents said it’s an amazing tribute as a surprise and they both started tearing up when I told them my idea)

This is a personal decision having a memorial table at your wedding. Some will agree others will not. We are having a memorial table but we will have photos of our mothers. With a vase of white Roses and burning candles. Other family members will be remembered thur songs or acknowledgements.

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Charms are a wonderful subtle idea. I am going to wear my dad's HS graduation ring on my finger. My bigger concern is my sister showing up with our mom's ashes. Gotta have that conversation soon......

That's a nice ideas

Im planning on doing the wedding pictures of those who past. Black and white and i will probably have a candle lit.

My FH lost his mom two years ago. We’re going to place a reserved sign on a chair for her during the ceremony/ place a single rose in the seat. Nothing at the reception.

My florist offered to incorporate something of hers into my bouquet by my FMIL didn’t have anything so we’re just doing that.

So I want to do this for my FH dad who he lost a few years ago and for my PopPop. We actually found some old windows and my MOH and BM are going to help me build out a little box and make then paneled

My MOH also got me a little picture frame I can hang in my bouquet that I can put my PopPop's picture in (I always thought my PopPop would walk me down the aisle so she did this so it will still be like he kind of is) my FH didn't want to do an empty seat for his Dad or my PopPop as it might make us sad looking at where they should be.

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I am with you...the whole idea of a " memory table" gives me the creeps..

I struggle so much when I see posts about memorial displays. I woyld encourage you to reconsider doing an obvious display and opt for subtle btouches that honie your lost loved ones or something that celebrates life, not the loss.

I lost my grandmother a few days before my wedding. Prior to that, we had decided against any kind if memorial table because between the two of us, we had 8 deceased grandparents and to have a memorial table for 8 seemed like it would be incredibly overwhelming and morbid, like guests were entering a funeral home, not a wedding celebration. After my grandmother passed, I was asked by multiple people of I'd do a memorial table for her. I still decided no, that it would not be the best way to honor her. I felt like it would be wrong to just do a table for her and not the other grandparents. A memorial table for 9 seemed so sad and impossible to pull together in just a few days. I also felt that guests would not understand a choice just to honor her in this way because of the proximity of her passing to our wedding because DH and I had also each lost another grandparent in the year leading up to our wedding. His family and the other side of mine would have been hurt that their loss was being ignored. And if we had chosen to just do a memorial table for the three grandparents who had died in the last year, there would have been members of our families hurt that we did it for some and not others.

I also felt like greeting my family with a memorial display for our grandmother so soon after her passing would have thrown them into focusing in their grief as soon as they arrived at the wedding. They would have been emotional, unable to control their reactions, and the would have spent the entire evening focused on our loss, not that they were gaining a son in law, a brother in law, a grandson in law, a new nephew, or a new cousin. My cousin reached out to me the day after our grandmother passed because she wanted to assure me that she and her family were showing up Saturday ready to celebrate. She wanted me to know that this was not going to be a sad occasion because our grandmother lived suched a great life filled with blessings and me getting married to my now husband was one of the blessings that had come of her life. Celebrating and being together that weekend was going to be the perfect way to honor our grandmother. I know if I had seen a picture of my grandmother the day of my wedding, I would have lost it. I am sure many of my relatives would have had a very strong reaction to that, as well. My cousin was right: just being together and having something to celebrate was a wonderful way of honoring her life. No display highlighting our loss was necessary.

I think small touches are good ways to honor a list loved one. I would have loved to have a bouquet charm for my grandmother, but there was no time. I've also heard of people sewing a piece of clothing that belonged to their lost loved one into the inside of their wedding dress, or using a tie or handkerchief that belonged to them to wrap around their bouquet. Also, wearing a piece of jewelry that belonged to the person or incorporating their favorite flower in your bouquet or maybe their favorite color in your decor. These are small, personal touches that can help you feel connected to the loved on you've lost that aren't totally obvious to all of your guests so your guests don't see a huge reminder that someone they also loved isn't there on your wedding day.

What I did end up doing is dedicating a song to my grandmother during our reception. I asked the DJ to play a jazzy version of a song she used to him and sing around us growing up. He was tasteful with his words, stating that it was for the bride's grandmother who couldn't be there with us that day and asked everyone to join us on the dance floor. He didn't come out and say it was because she had died. It didn't feel like a sad moment being up danceing with my family and our friends because we were up and we were doing something she loved (dancing) and enjoying life.

Again, I'd just ask you to consider that a memorial display can put a lot of focus on loss and you can't predict whether you or any of your guests could gave a strong, emotional reaction to seeing a memorial for that person. It may not matter how long it's been since the person has passed, people could still get overwhelmed by a memorial display. This is a hard choice to make, and I'm sorry that you and everyone on this thread is in a position or has been in a position to make this kind of choice.

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Yep - I am in my early 50's - do you know how many aunts/uncles/parents/grandparents/close friends/cousins have passed? Holy moly it would take up two tables!!! LOL!

It just is too risky for me - an already emotional day then seeing loved ones in frames. Like one poster said: Her eyes were bloodshot and sore from crying from seeing photos.

View Quoted Comment Prior to your comment, I was really set on a table honoring our loves ones through photos but now that I think about it, it would just be too crowded and emotional of a sight. What I may do is just have a candle on the table with an arrangement of rose petals and bags of forget-me-not seeds for guests to take home as a secondary favor.

I've had to be really honest with myself while reading these comments and I've come to the conclusion that I'd be a sobbing mess if I had to look at photos of my dad, our 8 grandparents, my aunt and uncle, an aunt of my FH. Thank you so much for your input, I'll try to find ways to be subtle in honoring those before us.

One idea you had that I LOVE is the scrap of fabric from a loved one to sew into the dress, I might use my grandpa and dad's shirts to make little hearts over my own. Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Oh, I've heard of cutting a male relative's shirt into a heart and sewing it into the inside of the dress and i think that one is so sweet! A piece of them will be with you the entire day.

I used to think that in theory, a memorial table was a good idea, but that was before I had lost so many grandparents. When it came time to actually make a decision for myself, it just didn't seem like the right thing to do, and I'm glad that losing my grandmother right before our wedding didn't make me change my mind on that. It would have been too hard for me and for everyone else present.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

I agree, I thought a memorial table with photos would be a beautiful idea and felt for years that I would have one. I had mentioned wanting to include one to immediate family, to which everyone replied that they would love and be comforted by one, but I may have to forgo the photo element. Our wedding date, 7/28 is almost exactly a year from my Nana's one year anniversary so I wouldn't want to stir any sad feelings, especially with my aunt who lost a mother when that happened and a brother (my dad), shortly before that.

View Quoted Comment That's a really good point. Your aunt may appreciate if you mention to her the little ways you plan to incorporate your lost loved ones so she can feel like she's a part of it. Maybe she has a piece of jewelry that belonged to your grandmother (her mom) and you could ask if you could borrow something like that to wear on your wedding day, and at the same time you can tell her about your fabric heart plan for your dad.

I lost my uncle who was like a second dad to me a few months ago and I've also had a lot of other significant losses in my life. To honor them I am doing a memorial table as well but no pictures because I've lost too many people. I will definitely have a quote in a. Large picture frame and a few candles and flowers in memorial for them.

I'm doing during my ceremony. Six empty reserved chairs with family/close friends that have passed. We have six people in the wedding party and each will put a flower on the reserved seats ❤️

Beautiful idea i was thinking about doing a candle that stays lit for the entire ceremony / reception with a sign for all the love ones that are watching from heaven

I had a small cocktail table with candles, flowers and a sign that said “this light burns for those who are watching from heaven” it was subtle enough for people to not notice if they didn’t read the sign. There’s a good picture of it on page 4 of my photos in the profile thing.

I plan on doing a sign with a quote that I've picked out, photos, and a candle burning in a vase for the night. My brother has been gone for 12 years, but I can't even imagine not acknowledging him on my wedding day. My grandmother and grandfather also both passed away years ago, so I'd like to have photos of them all. We have some really funny ones of my mom mom and brother, so we plan to use those to make it a little lighter (he was always the one to make everyone laugh.)