Me and my sister aren't talking

It really is what you value more. Personally, I would apologize because it sounds like she would turn your entire wedding into her show and cause a lot of drama. But if you think you'll regret it in the long run, it may be better to apologize and appease her.

You don't have to apologize to her for being honest. You could say that you're sorry that whatever you said made her feel upset. That you love her and need her standing up for you on your wedding day. I personally wouldn't take back what I said. You aren't genuinely sorry. BUT you likely are sorry for the way she felt after hearing the truth. Best of luck! I hope she pulls her head out of her ass and is able to be a sister to you.

I think your sister desperate with her condition

Well, only you can know if you'll actually regret it in the future, but I would say it's something SHE's more likely to regret. Not being there for or with you on the happiest day of your life, because she's a bratty drama queen, sounds like something SHE should apologize for, not you.

I honestly wouldn't fake an "I'm sorry" or beg her to be in your party. You want people with you who genuinely support and are happy for you, not just because they're family or out of obligation.

If, in the future, you become close again, you can tease her about why she's not in any of your wedding party pics, and it's her own fault. That's just my take on it, but then I'm not really close to my sister. Like I said, only you can know, but I'm too stubborn to back down just to make peace.

We are having a similar issue. My FH brother hasn't spoken to him since we got engaged. Its a hard place to be in. We have decided not to have bridal party and avoid the drama.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You don't have to apologize for your feelings, but you should extend and olive branch and maybe let her know that you're sorry she's hurt by what you said. However, I'd like to revisit the first part of your post....you said you know she's going through a really tough time the last few years so she can't be there for you...have you been there for her?? Maybe that's where some of these angry feelings are coming from in the first place?

I agree with @LizzyS - have YOU been there for HER? Especially if she's older than you, she definitely sounds like a drama queen but that doesn't mean she should be cut out of your life- she's your sister! Your sister doesn't have to be your best friend but family, blood, has a special connection that it should take a LOT to sever. I think you should definitely reach out to her. Tell her that you're sorry she was upset, but don't apologize for calling her out. Maybe have lunch and try to avoid talking about wedding related things. See how she's doing and how things in her life are going. You don't necessarily have to have your sister in your bridal party, but its important to rebuild your relationship with her for reasons other than your wedding.

Apologize and ask her to the wedding.

Don't have her in your wedding party if you don't want to because there will be drama.

Oh no. I am sorry that you're going through this. This is supposed to be such a happy and exciting time between sisters. I really hope it all works out for the best. No matter what happens, don't let this ruin your wedding.

@HappySnail - I am trying to see your perspective, but are there any details that you can provide to help elaborate on the comments that your sister is "selfish, insensitive, and attention-grabbing." Also, you said that she has had a hard time over the past few years, and hasn't had the energy or ability to be there for you. What have you needed her for and she failed to be there? Just trying to get more information because I have a tendency to be skeptical when people throw out accusations without data to support them.

Yes, it would be good to have a bit more background information since I am in a similar boat with my younger sister and am on the fence as to whether or not I should invite her.

To be honest, family or not. I don't give adults a pass for bad/negative behavior. Blood doesn't make someone family, actions do.

Thanks for your advice! As per the questions - she suffers from depression and has struggled with making and keeping good friends and romantic partners and with finding a steady well paying job. As far as me being there for her, i obviously can't speak from her perspective but until we stopped talking we had been talking by phone (we live on opposite coasts) a couple times a week. I always make an effort to actively listen and ask questions about her life, something she does not do for me even though i have talked constructively about this issue with her and she has made short lived changes in the past. I'm not sure what else to say about our relationship but i am happy to elaborate more if you have mote specific questions

In terms of selfish behavior, she yelled at me for what i feel are ridiculous reasons at key events of my life such as my college graduation (for making her and the rest of my family stay for the entire ceremony when i could have snuck out after i walked - i wanted to see my friends graduate too and she could have left anytime we do have cell phones). As far as my engagement announcement to my family she interrupted me multiple times to talk about herself, made up disapproving things family members allegedly said (they did not, i have confirmed) and made no effort to engage FW in conversation though they have met multiple times and FW always asks my sister questions and has tried to get to know her. When i left my visit my sister pulled me aside i thought to tell me she was happy for me, but it was to tell me how sad and jealous she is and how hard this is for her. I feel truly bad for her but i am do sad and angry that she can't find it in herself to try to share happiness with me at all .I am totally fed up.