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Beckie
May 2022

Maybe on a rsvp

Beckie, on January 17, 2022 at 3:24 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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We have guests reaching out to us stating that someone in their party is a maybe...We put our date out to this group of people one month shy of a year of what the deadline date is for RSVPs so they have known. Now I have to add we both understand things happen but their reasoning is they might have to work. am I wrong for being upset feeling like we arent worth a request off? (I know this family very well and where the two guys work and know that it is an option) what do you do here? whats the best way to handle this? wedding rant --- why can't people understand how stressful and expensive this is (even when doing it cheap) and its not really a maybe thing? ughhhhh. #onestressedoutbride #idontwanttobeabridezilla #whyyyy

11 Comments

Latest activity by Beckie, on January 17, 2022 at 7:10 PM
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Your wedding appears to be at the end of May? If so, your venue and caterers likely don't need a final count until end of April/beginning of May. I would let anyone who replies "maybe" know that you will need a definite response by end of April, and wait to follow up with them until then (if they don't reach out to you before then). Their work schedule may not be as clear as it seems. Not everyone is willing to use vacation time to attend a wedding. They might already have allocated their vacation days towards other trips, or maybe they're working on a project and your wedding is right up at the deadline for their project, or maybe a bunch of other people are taking that day off work and the company needs someone to be at work. In any case, I think that it may be a little too soon for some people to know their availability for end of May at this time.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    If your date on here is correct, your wedding is a holiday weekend 4 months away. I’d expect a lot of people, even if they requested the time off, don’t know if it’ll be granted yet. A lot of companies are having to pivot right now because of the number of people out sick with Covid so it’s possible where they work isn’t granting days off that far ahead. Also, why do you need their rsvps this far in advance? Wait until your closer to your date and check back in with them.
    • Reply
  • H
    Devoted May 2023
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    Just let them know you need a firm yes or no by a certain date so you can give your caterer a final number. There's still plenty of time.
    • Reply
  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag

    They may have requested the day off and it hasn't been approved yet. It's still a *long* time from your wedding and a LOT of places/managers won't approve time off that far in advance. They likely understand that it's stressful and expensive, but they can't give a firm answer if they don't have an answer from their manager yet (and in some places if they've put in for the day, it's rejected, and they call in sick, it's an unexcused absence). Better that they say maybe and hopefully their manager comes back with yes, than they say yes and the manager comes back with no (hopefully that makes sense - it did in my brain). Out of curiosity - why did you send invitations so early?

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  • B
    Beginner May 2022
    Beckie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    A lot of reasons. One being not wanting to stress with tracking people down and having the cater needing the head count. I started a new job after we got engaged and had our guest list and we would like to invite some people from work if able. Time to stay organize. And ideally the plan is to do as little wedding planning the month of the wedding as possible and just be able to enjoy it all. It’s only a few weeks early that we sent them out as well as only a few extra weeks early for the “right” deadline. They say 4 to 8 weeks before the wedding for rsvp we just over 8. We have just been doing as much stuff as possible as early as possible. And let’s be honest we all know we’re gonna be tracking people down that haven’t rsvpd so it was important to me to give myself that time to do so. Also the usps isn’t always the most dependable I have run into a lot of issues with that. So just over preparing and planning I suppose.
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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I mean, your reasons totally make sense, but this is one of the reasons that people say to mail your invitations 6-8 weeks ahead. You may, unfortunately, also discover that you have a lot of "no-shows" because people have the best intentions, but are later unable to make it work.

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  • Beckie
    May 2022
    Beckie ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I feel like with Covid that no shows are going to happen no matter what. I mean work is valid excuse with what the world is in right now. But Idk I guess theres no way to not sound bratty so I'll just play it out and see how it goes. I don't think there is any right or wrong time to send the invites or have the RSVP deadline. I've seen with two of my friends weddings sending out the invites at 6 to 8 weeks back fire in the last year just with so many variables in todays world. best way to look at it is probably it will all work out whatever way it is suppose to.

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    This.

    The tried and true of 6-8 weeks ahead of the wedding to send invitations is to prevent just this. People really don't know what they'll be doing in 4 months. I would try not to take it personally.

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  • B
    Beginner May 2022
    Beckie ·
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    The rsvp date is just over two month before the wedding so I’m not to worried about it. I’m guessing a lot will come in that week in March which is totally okay. Most should know by then that’s all that matters
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with this. People argue right and left that this is archaic and inaccurate and should be done away with for good, but it works this way for a reason and hasn’t had any kinks since the decades when it was considered commonplace.



    Correct me if I misunderstood your post, but why would you put the rsvp date for 12 months out from the wedding? Work and school schedules with time off accounted for are not set in stone prior to 4 weeks. Guests will and do lose the information when invites are sent earlier than 6-8 weeks before the wedding.
    • Reply
  • B
    Beginner May 2022
    Beckie ·
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    My wedding is May 28th lol I was stating the people asking for the maybe spot have known for one month shy of a year for when the rsvp date is. But I get where the hype was for sending them out a year early. Lol
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