Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes June 2021

Matron/maid of Honor

Lauren, on July 7, 2020 at 9:14 AM Posted in Planning 0 15

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I had about 8 months to think about who I wanted to ask to be in my bridal party as which role. I finally decided to choose a matron and maid of honor, along with 6 other bridesmaids & 2 attendants. My matron of honor is my FSIL who I’m also best friends with & have been for about 9 years. My maid of honor is my best friend/roomie from college who has been one of my closest friends for about 7 years. I wanted both of them to be involved because I love them both a ton and it was hard to choose. Plus, I'm an only child so none of my family will be in my party, while my fiancee has 4 siblings that will all be in it, and my friends have always been like family to me. One lives right down the street from me while the other lives about 4 hours away, and one is a bit more organized than the other for bach party planning purposes. When I told my FSIL that I was going to have them work together but have her be the one standing next to me & doing a majority, she started crying and tried to talk me out of it. She said “if I’m being selfish I’d rather it just me” & said she was sure my best friend from college would still help me and understand even if she was a bridesmaid.. I was going to ask my college friend while my FSIL was there so we could also celebrate together but ended up putting it off so it didn’t hurt my FSIL. I still haven’t asked my college friend yet because the whole situation made me feel uncomfortable. I just want to be excited and not stressed about the people that are supposed to be there for me every step of the way. Has anyone else dealt with anything similar?

Flag
Hide content

15 Comments

Latest activity by Veronica, on July 7, 2020 at 5:02 PM

Expert May 2021
Michelle · on July 7, 2020 at 9:18 AM
Flag

Hide content
Your friend sounds a bit silly. It is not up to her. If you want two people to be MOH then why is that a problem for her? Maybe I’m missing something.
- Reply
Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 7, 2020 at 9:19 AM
Flag

Hide content
I agree that it's unreasonable for her to make these requests and to be so upset, but it also seems like you're asking them both to be MOH for all the wrong reasons. Your MOH (or maids of honor) should be the closest person/people to you, how organized they are or where they live shouldn't matter. It's not their responsibility to plan or organize anything for your wedding. That being said, I would tell your FSIL that you have already made your decision and if she doesn't want to be your MOH because she has to share the title, that is her choice to make.
- Reply
Just Said Yes June 2021
Lauren · on July 7, 2020 at 9:20 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

I want to ask her why it bothered her so much. Maybe because I was the MofH in her wedding. That’s all I can think of. 🤷🏼‍♀️
- Reply
Expert May 2021
Michelle · on July 7, 2020 at 9:26 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

It just doesn’t make sense that she would be upset. Does she not like your other friend maybe? It seems like there is more to It. I would ask her why she feels the need to make requests, and leave your other friends out. Also if this is how she is behaving already I would be concerned for other wedding stuff and decisions.
- Reply
Master October 2019
Meghan · on July 7, 2020 at 10:03 AM
Flag

Hide content
It really is not up to your FSIL who you choose to have as your MOH. If you want to have both of them, then do it. Don't let her sway your decision because she is acting like a child. This is your wedding, not hers.
- Reply
Expert August 2020
Erin · on July 7, 2020 at 10:10 AM
Flag

Hide content
This is your wedding. Do what you want. If others aren’t going to accept that, I’d reevaluate the situation entirely.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 7, 2020 at 10:39 AM
Flag

Hide content
It sounds like she thought she would be the only one to have that special role in your wedding. If she doesn't want to be matron of honor, you can't make her. I kind of understand where she is coming from because my husband is really hurt that the best man in our wedding didn't pick him to be the best man in his. In fact, he is the last person in the line up which he felt was like a slap in the face.
- Reply
Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 7, 2020 at 10:45 AM
Flag

Hide content
That’s unreasonable of a request- she doesn’t get to decide who or what role people have
- Reply
Just Said Yes June 2021
Lauren · on July 7, 2020 at 12:29 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I totally understand where he’s coming from, and I would be upset too. I guess what confuses me though is I am asking her after she asked me. Like just because I’m asking her and my other friend does not mean that she doesn’t have that role, you know?
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 7, 2020 at 12:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I do, but unfortunately she might not see it that way. My guess is she sees it that she's not as important to you because she is sharing the role with someone else. I don't agree with her, but you can't change how she feels.
- Reply
Just Said Yes June 2021
Lauren · on July 7, 2020 at 12:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I totally get what you mean. I hate that! I wish I knew how to make her feel better about it because I don’t want to make her upset either. She’s going to be family, and I want to enjoy it together. I feel that the only way I won’t upset her though is to do what she wants me to do, which brings me back to square one of thinking that I had my decisions made. I always care so much about others, and it’s extremely hard for me to put my wants in front of her feelings.
- Reply
Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 7, 2020 at 12:44 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Sadly, I don't think there is a way to make both of you happy. It sounds like you want both of them to have a special role, which is totally fine and I've seen other brides have more than one maid/matron of honor. If she isn't willing to share the role that's really petty of her. I would proceed with having the other friend as your maid of honor since your FSIL has made it clear she won't be matron of honor unless she is the only one with the role.
- Reply
Super October 2021
Ashley · on July 7, 2020 at 1:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
I’m honestly shocked. I can’t believe that not only is she that petty but she also actually made it an issue with you. Goodness. It’s your bridal party, and she has no right to give input on who gets which honor. There’s nothing wrong with having two people with the same title, and I think it’s super sweet that you wanted to include both of them! It’s your wedding, and you have to do what’s best for you, not someone else. She is being very selfish, so let her be upset. That’s on her, not you. You cannot control how others react and respond, but you can and should include those closest to you in your bridal party with the titles you want them to have. It would be completely unfair to your friend and to yourself for you to allow this person to selfishly push your friend out of the role. Again, it’s your wedding, not hers.
- Reply
Just Said Yes June 2021
Lauren · on July 7, 2020 at 4:45 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I just asked her why it made her upset & she told me that she thought from the beginning it was going to be them two together, but then when I put matron of honor on her proposal box instead of “co” maid of honor that’s what made her upset. She told me to tell my fiancé that when he asks his people to make sure he writes “co” on their gift
- Reply

Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 7, 2020 at 5:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

That's serious ridiculous. Has she agreed to be your matron of honor if your other friend is your maid of honor? If so, I would just let it go.
- Reply