Matron of honor

Your wedding is well over a year away, so she probably hasn’t budgeted to spend money on a dress so early. Not to mention we’re in the middle of a global pandemic and many people are going through financial struggles. Ask all of your bridesmaids, in private, what their budget is for dresses. Find a dress that suits all of their budgets. Tell them when it needs to be ordered to arrive in time for the wedding. That’s all you need to do. Kicking her out of your wedding because she’s struggling financially is a sure way to end your friendship.

View Quoted Comment I asked her, and shd said for the whole wedding $300, which works. We just needed to get the girls sized, and she won't go. Not to order dresses right away yet.

I definitely do NOT want to kick her out, but she absolutely refuses to do anything. She also uses that she's Jewish as an excuse to not pay for anything. I dont know why, though.

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I agree. Right now with the pandemic money is tight for a lot of people. I lost my job a few weeks ago due to the pandemic so my husband is the only one working. There is no way I could commit to spending any amount of money for a wedding that is over a year away. Bridesmaids dresses don't take a year to get and bridal showers don't take a year to plan so I would give her some time. We are all very stressed with everything going on around us so kicking her out of the wedding because she isn't responding as quickly as you want will only cause great damage to your friendship.

View Quoted Comment Oh i completely understand the pandemic, but its been going on since Halloween of last year. We were supposed to get married this September.

I mean it honestly sounds like you are being pretty understanding and reasonable. but she could just not be super interested in her duties or in being a bridesmaid overall. also some people ARE SO LAST MINUTE about things. one of my bridesmaids took forever to get her dress. i do agree with the PPs that also, she might just have other things on her mind and money is a sensitive topic sometimes. but i can see your frustrations in this cause it does sound like you're trying to make things easier on her and that she's been like this pre-pandemic. i would just have a heart to heart with her like hey where are you at mentally in this, because if you need help paying for something, if you aren't interested, etc. let me know. maybe something is up with her personal life? financial life? etc. i don't know, but sometimes people might react to these things in ways we don't understand but would need to talk to them to understand.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I'll talk with her and see what I can do and such and ask!

Hmm I would be upfront and ask her what’s going on? See if she’s got a reason. If not I’d say not a bad idea to cut her.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment As a Jewish person, I can tell you I've never in my life heard that before. She's assuming you'll take her at her word and not actually look into it.

View Quoted Comment That makes me sad, because I honestly figured there was a legit reason....😔

View Quoted Comment The only thing I can remotely think of is that, if she's orthodox, she wouldn't spend money on shabbat (sabbath) from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. If that's true though, then she also shouldn't be driving, drinking, etc. And she'd be at synagogue Friday night and Saturday day.

View Quoted Comment She doesn't do any of that from what I know. We go by her a lot, and never ever talked about it at least.

I would just be totally upfront with her. Politely ask her what is going on and express that you are disappointed. I know people are financially struggling right now, but that doesn’t make it okay to just ignore everyone. Some people disagree with me, but we ASK people to be in our bridal parties and they know what comes along with it when they accept. If she couldn’t or didn’t want to participate, she should have just explained that she couldn’t take on the obligation right now when you asked in the first place.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I will do that.

My bridesmaids ordered their dresses from Amazon. 🤣 I didn't want them spending $200+ on something for one night. On a side note, she needs to budget in the expenses if she's going to be apart of your wedding.

As a PP said, your wedding is over a year away. Honestly, there is at least 10 months before your bridesmaids need to buy their dresses. I would just table this and worry about it later if it's still an issue.

I think it could be a million things and the only way to know is to ask. If you kindly bring up a heart-to-heart conversation, hopefully she'll respond well and tell you what's going on!

View Quoted Comment I feel like posting in bold magic marker, saying, back off before you wreck your wedding party.
uour wedding is 14 months away, July 31, 2021, and you are faulting people for not already having done what they are not supposed to start doing for at least 8 months. That is like getting on your kids' case for not studying every night for final exams, and working on a paper due in June, in September. way, way out of line. Nothing, beyond expressing an opinion, or volunteering to plan a party when the time comes, NOTHING that your ladies are responsible for, needs to be even started until next January. Bridesmaids dresses come in usually in 2-10 weeks. Even with Covod delays, that is not going to become 13 months.
Bridesmaids are generally asked to consider dress styles by 5 months out, and order 4 months out. or even later, some makers. Bridesmaids dresses are usually $100-300. it is important to have them fitted as close to the wedding as possible, so they do not change 2 or mire sizes ( only 15-20 pounds for some people) or become pregnant, after ordering the dress. no one wants to pay $200-300 in alterations for a dress that cost $200 to begin with. Or have to buy a second dress when the first is unwearable. There is absolutely no reason for her to agree to trying on dresses or going to any fittings til January. If she has no enthusiasm for doing anything, look in the mirror. There is the person pushing for things unreasonably early. When people agree to be in a wedding, if they know about or have been involved in one before, they know that no money needs to be spent til the last 6 months. So that do not necessarily have the miney. she may want to finish paying off gifts for December holidays before holding money for a wedding a full 7 months later. ... And parties are a voluntary thing. Those who want to be hostesses of an small party of 15-45 people ( most showers) can plan that in as little as 2 months or as much as 6. But that is another thing people need not budget for 14 or more months in advance. ... For the sake of keeping whatever spirit has survived this, please back off. Let your bridesmaids know you won't be asking for any money, for dresses, or hair and makeup, or anything til after January 2021. If you stop asking for things unreasonably early, and adjust your expectations to the usial, not asking for money or committments until needed, way down the road, this MOH and others in the WP may have enthusiasm for the wedding down the road, when the time comes. I have seen a lot of wedding parties bliw apart over out of sync expectations, and they appear in posts here on WW over and over. Please, don't lose long term friends over trying to complete things way earlier than necessary. Let people budget in the usual way, paying only when needed. and realize that nothing other than the dress is required.

View Quoted Comment Even if you married in September 2020 as planned originally, it would only have been in May 2020 that you should have asked her to buy a bridesmaid dress. And you have been asking her since Halloween? 5 months plus of you asking way too early? As a measure of friendship, she must really value yours. Because if anyone nagged me to buy that early, I would be nice about it a couple times, ignore it and just say, I will have the money for the dress when it is necessary, and it will be altered, pressed, and ready to go for the wedding. And any money I needed for events that usually happen in the last 4 months, I will have at least 2 months before the party. But if bride kept reminding, I would have blown up. Because I am not a child who needs reminders, I am an adult capable of doing what I need to do by the time it needs doing . And being a bridesmaid should be a pleasant, sociable adult thing. It is disrespectful to treat BM otherwise. No wonder she does not want to do things. If you already have been after her since October unnecessarily, please, please back off. 5 months before the new date, bring up the subject. The point of making someone your BM is the underlying friendship. Don't lose that.