Lindsey
Beginner October 2020

Matron of Honor

Lindsey, on August 15, 2020 at 9:02 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 23
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My Matron of Honor is making me mad! She hasn't done anything or hasn't part taken in any of my pre wedding events. She was going through a tough time financially the beginning of the year. So I paid for her dress with the intent of her paying me back. This was in January and she hasn't even brought it up or given me the money. She promised she was coming to my bachelorette party. Didn't tell me that she wasn't coming until it became past the time she should of gotten to the cottage where we were staying for the weekend and told me she had a bad day and wasn't going to make it! I told her she probably needed to get away for the weekend and I really wanted her to come. I never heard a reply from her at all after I told her I wanted her to come. I had my bridal shower today and she didn't even come to that either! Didn't even message me and say sorry girl I can't make it. Just silence. She hasn't even asked if I need help with anything or even ask how I'm holding up with all the changes we have had to do cuz of COVID. People think I should ask for the dress back and give her the boot out of the wedding. I just don't know what to do. I picked her to be my matron of honor cuz I thought I could depend on her and she would be there for me. Its just all so frustrating!! What should I do!? Thanks!

23 Comments

Latest activity by Maggie, on August 17, 2020 at 6:32 PM
  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
    • Flag
    You should call her and ask her if she's okay. Don't mention anything wedding related. She might be going through a rough time. Friend first, bridesmaid second.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the pp. Trust me I get it. It does suck that she hasn't made much effort to attend these events and of course with her being the maid of honor it's understandable why you would want her there. Maybe there is something she is going through but even though others are suggesting you ask for the dress back and kick her out of the wedding you also have to think are you willing to lose a friendship? I would say asked to meet up with her and also ask her what's going on because you want the same courtesy of her checking on you but maybe she needs that too.
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    It sounds like she is having some problems. Be a friend and check on her.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Like everyone already said it kind of sounds like she’s going through some personal problems. But I do understand that it’s also frustrating on you because you want her to be a part of things.
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  • Alisa
    Devoted August 2020
    Alisa ·
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    I agree with the previous posters. check in on her as a friend and don't talk wedding stuff at all.

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  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    Choose better friends.. she apparently doesn't think it’s worth her time to even communicate properly, you don’t need people like that in your life. Clearly you weren’t the best of friends in her mind
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    It sounds like your friend is going through a rough time. You knew from the beginning it sounds like that she isn't in the best place financially and that was prior to Covid. I imagine her situation hasn't really improved. The only job someone in your wedding party has is to show up on your wedding day in the outfit you requested. Pre-wedding parties are completely optional. I do agree she should've let you know sooner, but she's not required to attend. She also isn't required to help you plan. Planning is up to the bride and groom otherwise others offer to help. I think you need to adjust your expectations especially given that you can know she has been struggling lately. I would recommend putting your wedding to the side and try to be there for your friend.
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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    That is such a dismissive over-simplification of the issue. OP said her friend was having a rough time BEFORE covid-19 was wide-spread. She obviously isn't in the best headspace. Friends should be kind and understanding. Heaven forbid your friends have your attitude if you're having a rough patch.
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  • Lindsey
    Beginner October 2020
    Lindsey ·
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    Other people are going through a rough time and still come and support me. Heck I'm going through a rough time with planning a wedding during covid and already postponed once and now cutting the guest list majorly. I get it its rough times for everyone but if people care enough they will be there. I'm just saying if she wanted to be there she could of been. Im just worried when it comes to the wedding day she will last min say she can't come.
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  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    Try talking to her before you decide anything. Yes, she missed two pre wedding events and didn’t communicate very well either time. That part sucks, it really does. Still, people who are not doing well emotionally/mentally struggle with things that seem simple to others, like saying they can’t make it to an event. There are so many unseen things that go along with that. If she was struggling with stuff before Covid, I can only imagine how she must be doing now. Friendship should be more important than a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. At the end of the day, a MOH/bridesmaid only has to be present on the wedding day and wear the agreed upon attire. The rest is just bonus.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I don't agree with you. I know my husband can't leave the state without risking his job as they put in a no travel ban so no matter how much he cares about someone he can't risk his job. Others are choosing not to attend things because of health concerns not because they don't care.
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  • Lindsey
    Beginner October 2020
    Lindsey ·
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    My one friend lost her boyfriend in a tragic accident about a month ago and she still came to my bachelorette party because she wanted to be there. You guys make it seem like I'm the bad guy when all I'm asking her is to reach out a little more and tell me she isn't coming to things. I bet if I didn't text her for my bachelorette party she wouldn't of even got a hold of me. She didn't care about reaching out when it came an hr past the time she should of arrived and I was worried something happened to her.
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  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
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    Actually, i relate to this “friend” as far as money issues, but AT LEAST I straight up tell people when i can’t do things due to money. I don’t string them along, or commit to things i can’t do. In my teen years i would over commit to things, but as I have matured, I learned to be honest and straight forward with people and learned to say no.
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  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
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    Reading all these drama posts with “best friends” I’m kinda shocked.. like you have been friends with these people for YEARS, they don’t change overnight... so why are brides so annoyed when they dont help or show up? If you KNEW they had pre covid money issues, why would you even ask her then !? ... people just floor me sometimes...
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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    I agree with that. Or if you want her there then you should pay for her dress and/or travel expenses. That's what I did for one of bridesmaids. My only point to OP was if her bridesmaid has gone radio silent, she should be checked on.
    • Reply
  • Lindsey
    Beginner October 2020
    Lindsey ·
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    I've already paid for her dress.
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  • Private User
    Dedicated September 2020
    Private User ·
    • Flag
    I just had the same thing happen to me, just with a bridesmaid. My bridesmaid has bailed on 4 things at the last minute, I just told her it was best for her to step down as a bridesmaid Friday and now she won't talk to me. She bailed on the bridesmaid dress shopping day, my wedding dress shopping day, she insisted on planning my wedding shower but backed out after a lot of planning, and just texted me that she wasn't coming to the bachelorette party.... and she was my ride. I told her that I couldn't rely on her as she might back out at the last minute of the wedding (only a month away) and I thought it was best for her to step down as a bridesmaid. I also said she's still invited to the wedding but with no obligations. Since she's bailed on multiple events but especially the bachelorette party it put the other bridesmaids in a financial strain as well as finding out how I'm going to get to my bachelorette party destination. My matron had to take over the planning and paying for the shower and extra expenses for the bach trip. She hasn't returned my texts and I'm afraid isn't going to come to the wedding. I think I made the right decision though. I don't want to look back on my wedding pictures and be sad because of the rough experience with a bridesmaid. She can't continue to behave this way and still be rewarded with being called your matron of honor.
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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    But you said you want her to pay you back?
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  • Lindsey
    Beginner October 2020
    Lindsey ·
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    Ya because I didn't pay for anyone else's dress and she has a full time job. I'm paying for all the bridemaids hair and bought all their jewelry.
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  • H
    Devoted August 2023
    Hhh ·
    • Flag
    People handle stress in different ways, and it sounds like she is shutting down and blocking out the world and might be experiencing some level of depression (last minute bailing and being unresponsive). She likely needs a friend pretty badly right now, or at least some understanding. Sure she isn’t being the best friend, but honestly neither are you.
    If you’re determined that she needs to be demoted because she can’t be relied upon, that’s an ok call, but it’s likely the end to your friendship and you shouldn’t expect to be paid back for the dress.


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