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Beginner August 2020

Matron of Honor due a week before wedding..

Emelie, on November 17, 2019 at 11:26 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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I’m feeling so bummed. My matron of honor / sister lives across the country with our family and just told me today that she’s pregnant and her due date is a week before the wedding.

Obviously, I’m super excited for her, but I’m also really sad. I assume this means she won’t be able to make it, and depending on whether she’s on time or not, I’m worried my parents won’t be able to make it either- I’m sure they want to be there for her labor / delivery and to be with her and the baby.
Has anyone had an experience with something like this? I feel like it’s super unreasonable to expect that she would be able to fly across the country a week or two out from giving birth...
Ugh, I’m trying not to personalize but knowing that this means that most of my family won’t be at my wedding is making me really sad. The wedding is in the woods, no reception / cell service, so having them present over FaceTime isn’t an option and if she were late, I don’t know if I trust the area we’d be in for good birth / delivery care.
She says shes going to make it work no matter what, but I’m not sure if that’s a reasonable expectation. I’m so sad!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Lady, on November 18, 2019 at 2:30 PM

Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on November 17, 2019 at 11:47 AM
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I’m sorry about the timing of this and that you’re feeling this way. But realistically she won’t be able to travel.
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Super September 2020
Amber · on November 17, 2019 at 12:17 PM
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Babies can be early or late most of the time they never come on time unless your being induced or having an schedule c-section.

Plus I'm sure your parents won't miss yout wedding unless your sister is actually going into labor the day of your wedding. If this is her first baby they never come on time anyways at least my son was a week or so late I had to be induced and my daughter was two weeks early and I went into labor on my own with her.
I would bring it up to your parents and see what they are wanting to do. Also it's 9 to 8 months I would just wait and see what happens.
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Beginner August 2020
Emelie · on November 17, 2019 at 12:32 PM
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Yeah, I think that’s just the way it’s gonna be
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Beginner August 2020
Emelie · on November 17, 2019 at 12:33 PM
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Yeah, I hope so. It’s complicated. They’re closer with her (it’s kind of like a step parent type situation) so I feel like their priority will be to be with her. Ugh. Just not how I imagined things to be, but that’s the way it is
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Super September 2020
Amber · on November 17, 2019 at 12:34 PM
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Only way you'll know is if you ask them.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on November 17, 2019 at 1:56 PM
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If she's due the week before, it's highly unlikely that her doctor will allow her to fly. If she is on time, as in she has the baby on her exact due date, she still won't be there. She'll be recovering and taking care of her newborn baby, who I doubt will be allowed to fly one week after birth. At this point, I'd assume that she will not be there.
It sounds like your wedding is on the casual side. Any chance you could change the date to a later time? I know it sucks to accommodate other people, but your sister can't change her due date. If you're concerned about your family missing it, it might be something to consider.
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VIP September 2023
Erin · on November 17, 2019 at 2:07 PM
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You're typically not allowed to fly while pregnant after 37 weeks, some airlines are stricter. The pressure on the plane can send women into labor, and the last thing the airlines want is a baby born on the plane. Because of that, even if she's late she likely won't be able to be there (unless they drive). Even if the baby is born early, while the airline might allow them to fly, I personally wouldn't expect anyone to fly with a newborn for my wedding. Airplanes are germ tubes, and that can be extremely dangerous for a baby, especially a newborn who hasn't been able to build up a good immune system yet.

If you can change your date to either a few months after the due date, or a few months before that would be the best way to ensure your family has the best chance of being there (although a few months after would be more sure since your sister could potentially be put on bed rest or have other complications). It sucks to change your plans to accommodate others, but as PPs said, your sister doesn't have a choice. Babies come when they're ready whether it's convenient or not. Congratulations to you both on your big life events
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Beginner August 2020
Emelie · on November 17, 2019 at 2:25 PM
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Everything’s totally planned and locked down. Invites are printed and save the dates are sent. We thought getting ahead of planning would be less stressful, haha. Guess we were wrong on that one, lol. I have resigned to the fact that it’s super doubtful that she’ll be able to make it. I’m just hoping our parents can come.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on November 17, 2019 at 3:14 PM
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Yes, you can't really change everything now that all the STDs are out and invites are done. In a perfect world that should have been less stressful! Sorry that didn't work out this time.
Best of luck to you, and I hope things work out as best they can. Congrats to you and your sister!
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Devoted December 2019
Samantha · on November 17, 2019 at 9:20 PM
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This happened to me! One of my bridesmaids was due the day before my wedding (they then changed her due date to one week before the wedding). It was really hard at first realizing there was a good chance my best friend may not be there. I was so happy for her and her husband but deep down I couldn’t picture my wedding without her there. Fast forward 6 months later, she actually had her baby about 6 weeks early. Thankfully everyone is happy and healthy/thriving and she will be able to make it! I know exactly how you feel; it is a process of accepting what you cannot change. The happier and more excited I became for my friend and her growing family, the more I was able to let it go and realize it would still be wonderful day whether she made it or not.
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Lady · on November 18, 2019 at 2:30 PM
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Airlines won't even let her fly past 36 weeks and most doctors will recommend that for the last 6 weeks you don't travel more than an hour from your home/hospital. It really stinks that she wont' be able to be there, but unless you're willing to move your wedding, just try to be happy for her!!!
Just please don't "replace" her as MOH (not that your planning to) - it's a huge slap in the face to both her and her replacement.

Again, i'm sorry - i know this is hard.
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