Matron of Honor decides not to attend/plan a bachelorette!

I think most of the ladies here will tell you that BMs are only required to buy a dress and show up at the wedding, not to plan anything.

Could perhaps one of your other BMs plan a low cost bachelorette outing/activity that even your sister would be able to attend?

You could do something with just your sister. Maybe there is some truth in what she is telling you. If your sister has been involved until this one thing then there has to be a reason.

My sister planned a shower and bachelorette party that was impossible for some of my bm to make it to and most of my friends so I'm planning a night out 2 days before the wedding that all can attend. It won't be a "bachelorette" party, but a night out to celebrate with friends that couldn't make it to the other prewedding parties.

Mind you I planned her 3 showers (bridal, and 2 children) and bachelorette and its my Matron of Honor, not bridesmaid....

I just care that she's there....

I don't care what we do, night out whatever, I don't care when either. My sister makes a lot of money and spends most weekends sitting in the front row of said sporting event/show/etc It's not that. It can't be. Have any of you had a hard time with a MOH in this regard? Would it be appropriate for me to plan my own night out?

Unfortunately not everyone cares or are willing to do for us what we do for them. It's unfortunate that you have put so much time and effort into planning such special events for her and she's not willing to do the same for you. I would try and talk to her about how it makes you feel. See if maybe there is another bm willing to step up and if not plan it yourself. See here's the thing I don't understand. The general opinion on this page is your bp should just show up, yet it goes against etiquette to plan these things for yourself. So if I have a bp not willing to step up, I should miss out on the events before my wedding? She's being unreasonable if you're not asking for much. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I don't think it's inappropriate to plan your own bachelorette party, you're not asking for gifts.

Talk to your BMs. See if one will stand in for your sister.

Does it have to be your sister to plan the bachelorette party? Even though you planned all of hers, maybe she just can't do it all for you right now.

Thanks ladies

I don't understand the sleeping on the floor excuse. That seems ridiculous! Why couldn't she share a bed with you? We are getting two rooms for eight girls. Everyone will have a bed, but we will just have to share. Nbd to me.

No one saod anything about her sleeping on a floor....

Maybe she spent too much money/time on the shower and doesn't want a re-do? plan it with another one of your maids and invite her, hopefully she comes.... try not to stress too much!

I originally was going to have my sister plan it but I kind of had the same situation so I'm planning my own bachelorette party. I personally like it bc we are doing exactly what I want to do

Also, when you're the first to get married, everyone is excited. When you're the last, the married ones aren't as excited because they've been through it. I saw wedding fatigue with the girls around me, and although it made me sad, it happens.

You don't get to decide if someone's reasons for not wanting to spend money on your bachelorette party are valid or not. You don't get to decide that people have to put in exactly as much effort (as if that's measurable) into your wedding as you voluntarily put into theirs.

I get being sad that she can't be there for the bachelorette party, but you don't actually sound like you're just bummed about that. You sound angry that she's not being the bridesmaid you want her to be.

Stephanie, you clearly don't have a sister. I am upset that she's choosing not to come, especially when I've done so much for her, and it is about her not even being there, because like I said, I don't care when it is or what we do. And this is my moh.... my only sister, not a bridesmaid.

This whole wedding process has been a lesson in patience for me. My only sister is also my MOH. She is planning a spa day for my mom and me in lieu of a wedding shower or bachelorette party, but she won't be there herself. She is also citing financial reasons. I just wish she could be there with us. I also asked her to spend the night before with me in my hotel room and she declined. I'm telling myself to try not to take it to heart and focus on something else.

I see your point Shara. sounds to me that you just want to be able to have a night out, and you'd like your sister to come. I think I'd feel the same way.

I think that people get a little too hung on the idea of things having to be planned and come about a certain way.

I see no reason why you can't still have the bachelorette /girls night out. the MOH doesn't have to plan that. it's a night out, and not necessarily something that you would expect gifts or things like that, so why not just plan a night out yourself with whoever you think would like to attend?

maybe a movie night in front of a tv and going out for ice cream.

to me a bachelorette /girls night out party is just that, a party. I see no reason why you cant have such a party regardless as to who plans it. I say do what you can to work it out, invite your sister and have fun

If your sis is married, maybe her DH is worried about her attending a bachelorette party.