Marrying the family?

No. You should not unless he has no relationship with his family.

If you're having doubts, I second counseling

How often do you have to see them? Does he like his family? Need more details.

I don't regret marrying my husband, BUT I don't speak to his family anymore. He is free to go over there, but I won't be. Long story but I haven't talked to them in months, and I won't deal with their drama. Done with the Bs.

No, no, no, and NO. I loathe my future in-laws, but I am marrying my FH for him, not his family. He understands my feelings and respects them. We have a rule that I will suck it up once a year and visit with them, but that's it. As long as you both are on the same page, there's no need for counseling or further worry.

Last I checked I married my husband, not his mother...

I highly suggest counseling for you and FH if he has trouble separating himself from his parents.

This is usually only an issue when the in-laws are overbearing/entitled/narcissistic/controlling and the spouse expects you to bend over and take it whenever they are involved.

I don't agree with "you marry the family". No one is entitled to be a part of my life. That is something that must be earned through mutual respect. In a situation where the in-laws are relatively normal and understand boundaries, sure the more the merrier, but that is not always the case.

My MIL is tolerable in small doses, but if DH tried to force her on me "because faaaamiillllly" our marriage would have been over before it even began. This is a husband problem not an in-law problem. Is he going to protect you from their crazy when they are out of line or throw you under the bus and expect you to take their abuse? That's the question.

We only see FH family on special occasions. His Mom stops by occasionally but doesn't stay long. Same with my family. How often do you see them?? Honestly I wouldn't marry someone who sees their family a couple times a week regardless of if I liked them or not. That's just too much family for me. I actually like FH's family a lot and wouldn't mind seeing his brothers and SIL's more. His mom drives me a tad nuts but not as much as she drives FH nuts. HaHa!

Dont worry about his family! You're marrying him not his family. It doesn't matter if you get along or not. If you're happy then you do you. I don't necessarily like my fiance's parents but I can tolerate most of them but her sister absolutely hates me to the point where she isn't even coming to the wedding cuz she doesn't want to be there. Oh well. I'm not here to make them happy.

Why are you planning a wedding if you can't answer this question for yourself? None of us want to tell you that you should or shouldn't marry him.

You don't marry the family -- you marry him. However, you will spend holidays with them and they will be the grandparents of your children. Can you live with that? The answer lies within you, not on a wedding planning forum populated by individuals who will likely share all kinds of subjective opinions -- none of which may apply to you.

Yes you marry everyone but there's a difference between not liking his family and not getting along with his family. Time changes things as well. I wasn't very fond of FH'S mother but now I like her. I'm not a fan of my future sister in law or his brother really but it would never not make me marry the man of my dreams. It does make things difficult but if he cares about you then things will change.

This is something very personal. I don't have the best relationship with my adoptive parents but it was still important to me that they approved of the person I was marrying (might be an Asian identity thing I retained or past trauma). Anyway, my FH isn't fond of that side of the family, and I am ok with that so long as he agrees to go to family gatherings. But the important thing is that we TALK about these issues and TALK about how we support each other with these concerns.

My BIL is engaged to a woman who dislikes his entire (large) family. There are 8 siblings total, she doesn't like any and especially dislikes DH, and she hates his mom with a passion. DH and his brother are pretty close and the family is relatively tightknit, they have a lot of birthdays to celebrate and weekend BBQs, so I'm unsure how she is going to maneuver that within a marriage (especially if they one day have children) but they've been dating for 10 years so I suppose she's been managing somehow. She mostly just doesn't go to their house for (most) events, although she has been going more often since they got engaged, so she might be trying to make it work.

However, her fiancé knows his feelings towards his family and he is fine with it as far as I know so if your FH knows and doesn't care if you have a relationship with his family, I don't think it should be an issue. Now if he doesn't know how much you dislike his family, you'll have to figure out this situation from a different angle--if you feel like your FH absolutely needs to know this, to be cautious I would second that counseling would be a good place to do so. But I know for my husband, disliking his family would have been a deal breaker for him and it would have been the same for me if he hadn't gotten along with my family. Does his family like you okay? Do you not like them because they are rude to you?

This is something you need to bring up to a counselor because this could cause issues in your marriage.

I agree that you should see a counselor.

However, I don't agree with the "you are marrying him, not his family" thing, especially if he is close with them. Are you planning on having kids with this guy? The family is going to want to be involved, quite likely.

Ditto counseling. I ended a relationship when I realized my ex was planning to propose. His family (mostly his twin sister and mother) treated me terribly. It was agonizing. I loved him and we tried to work it out for a while, but he refused to stick up for me in some grueling situations.

You are marrying his family unless he cuts ties with them, which usually doesn't happen. You need to make sure he understands how you feel about his family if you're going to stay together.

Urgh, I hate that mentality. You do NOT "marry the family" (unless you really really want to.. LOL). You marry your future spouse.. that's it. I have no problems with my in-laws but I'll be damned if they start interfering in my personal life like they're part of our marriage or claim I "married the family". Party of two here, sorry.

ETA: FH and I both talk and spend time with both of our families but when either family starts talking crap about my FH or I, we stick up for each other. Am I marrying INTO the family? Yes. Am I marrying the family? No.