Married "twice"?

I dont see why not. I would just let other k is that in 2018 it will be a vow renewal.

Here we go again. Do your ceremony there with your grandfather; that will have the license attached and be your legal wedding.

Then do your celebration when you planned on it. If no one knows but your parents and your sister, just proceed as you would have. The interest in the legal date of your wedding is highly exaggerated here. In real life, literally no one cares, and personally, it's your prerogative to proceed any way you want. I've had exactly one guest ask me about the license in all my years of doing this; they are there to celebrate your wedding. The language will probably be a little bit different, but you have no responsibility to explain your choices to anyone.

You will undoubtedly get a response or two along the lines of, "well I wouldn't fly half way across the country and spend a 1000.00 to go to a vow renewal", as if that's some line in the sand (no one sees you sign the license anyway, except in rare cases. In NJ, you don't even sign it.....). If traveling to support a relationship is dependent on when the legality is committed, then that's their decision to make, not yours.

Best wishes to him.

I suggest being up front with the vow renewal ceremony. Having been a guest to a vow renewal only to find out months later it wasn't a wedding...We all felt shammed. I agree with Celia in that we would have attended either way...Just didn't appreciate being lied to.

As for what you can/can't do for a vow reception....I think anything you would at a wedding reception is fine, personally.

Hi Kim T. I'm getting married a week before you & Im thinking of doing the same thing but for other reasons but I say do it!!!

Thanks everything for the responses and suggestions and advice.. it's all up in the air right now and something I need to really think

About about and talk to our families about.

Another suggestion.. what about getting our marriage blessed and / or our wedding bands blessed while we are there by their priest? Except, our wedding isn't in s church. It's on a beach. Not really sure if those blessings can happen?

The day your marriage certificate is signed is the day you are married. If you let people know that you're married and either having a vow renewal or celebration, it's fine.

Your priest is not going to go to the beach if he's a Catholic priest.

You could do a commitment ceremony while you're in Florida and do your legal wedding when you planned to next spring.

Celia.. what is a commitment ceremony?

We're just getting an officiant to marry us on the beach next year. I just think doing something for. Y grandfather while we're down there in 2 weeks will put me at ease incase he doesn't make it next year.. he is very catholic so something that has to do with the church would be special to him. I am also catholic just not getting married in a church

Yep. My DH and I did a small wedding with family cuz we didn't want to wait and wanted to save for the bigger one in May of 2018. I know of at least 4 couples who have done this and everyone still came to their bigger weddings. Some still had showers and bachelorette parties too. It is really what floats your boat and not letting what others think you should do discourage you.

I think its fine to do the legal wedding with your grandfather, if you want. However, don't lie to people and tell them you aren't married when you are. Also, you will miss out on traditional pre-wedding celebrations such as a bridal shower and bachelorette party.

It basically looks like a wedding, usually without rings and definitely without a pronouncement. You could say vows to each other. We did a lot of these before we got civil unions and then SS marriage in NJ.

As a side note, as a guest, if you don't ask, you haven't been lied to. If it's important that the license was signed the day of the wedding, then ask.

And I don't see why you couldn't have a shower and/or bachelorette party. It really is a case by case basis thing.....

As far as the church part, I'd ask your officiant to add a blessing, scripture, etc.

I think it's fine to do the ceremony without grandparents first and the continue with your plans for next year. I completely agree with everything that Celia has said.

If you don't want to do a legal ceremony earlier, a commitment ceremony might be a good idea to include your grandfather. Or, maybe contact the church, explain the situation and see if there is anything they can do to bless your marriage in the church without grandfather present.

Also, I know people have already mentioned that ofnyour choose to legally get married now, you will not be able to have things like a bridal shower or bachelorette party. I completely disagree. Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are extra events that are thrown by other people to celebrate your marriage with you. If someone still wants to plan these events for you, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And, if you want to still have a first dance at your reception, do it.

Celia for the win

Kim, if your grandfather's church is Catholic, I doubt you'll be able to get married there (due to their requirements). Also, a Catholic priest won't officiate a wedding anywhere but in the church (except for extreme cases approved by a Bishop).

Several years ago, a couple asked me about doing a ceremony here for the benefit of the groom's father who was not expected to still be alive the following year for their wedding up north. I did a handfasting ceremony and asked the father to tie the ribbons. It was very meaningful to all involved (even I got a bit choked up).

Could you do a spiritual marriage with grandfather and then a legal marriage next year? Maybe I'm ignorant about the religious rules but make it spiritual in the eyes of religion but not the gov? That way you get a wedding for both

A situation like this gets backlash at times on this site, but each person's situation is different. I agree with Celia completely on this thread. Personally, I eloped last July (due to my husband's military obligation) and my "wedding" is this June. We are calling it a celebration, everyone knows we are already married, and everyone is happy to celebrate with us. I'm my family's only child and only grandchild on one side, so it's important to them that we do some sort of ceremony. (My dad really wants to walk me down the isle) I agreed to it, and am very excited for it! Eloping was not what I had dreamed of doing, I value family very much and am so grateful to have the opportunity to still share this with them. My best friend approached me about wanting to throw a shower, and initially I told her I didn't think it would be right. However, for a few months, family members kept approaching me asking when they would get a shower invite. I eventually told my friend that if she really wanted to she could, but I was fine without it. She chose to do it, and it's coming up soon. In lieu of a bachelorette party, we got all the girls together after he and I eloped and went to dinner to celebrate over margaritas. It was fantastic!

It can be done. Do what is best for your family and your situation, and it will all work out. In my experience, people are just happy to celebrate love, they don't care about legality. My best wishes to you and your loved one!

ETA: we are also having a first dance. I don't see why you couldn't have that.

OP- My co-worker did this. She went off and got married with her and her and now her husbands immediate family and her dying grandfather. When the big wedding day came or vow renewal (pretty sure they advertised it as a wedding, cause no one knew...cause no one asked) the people who knew about the legal wedding prior, did not care.

I commend those who change their wedding dreams and make a smaller intimate one to include someone who may not make it the fairy tale wedding. It shows the importance of family. That to me is what weddings are really about...family and love.

I would look at it this way... would you be offended if you were invited to a vow renewal or ceremony after the couple eloped/or had a small immediate family member only ceremony due to military duty, a family member being sick, or another situation where the couple was making their best efforts to include their loved ones in their legal wedding? I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but I know it would not phase me one bit. I would still go to their originally planned ceremony and reception, and be honored to do so. I look at it as the couple is doing everything they can to include all their friends in family. If it is not the same day due to extenuating circumstances I do not see the big deal.

I would look differently if a couple just eloped to get away from it all.

I wish all the luck to you and positive thoughts for your grandfather.

Olivia is 100% correct. You call it a vow renewal and I, personally, wouldn't do pre-wedding parties. I honestly wouldn't take advice that includes lying to your guests and a lie of omission is a lie. Posters are on this forum have come and gone for years and I have yet to step into one of these threads -- full of new posters every few months -- and see the majority being comfortable with posters not telling their guests their second ceremony is a vow renewal.

We did basically the same thing although ours was planned. We were married on a beach in Florida. Then we are doing it all again back home in two weeks. Everyone knows we did get married in Florida and we put it as getting married again in Wisconsin. Something like that. We haven't had any problems with anyone that has been invited. In fact everyone thinks it's also super cool. We did manage to keep virtually all wedding pictures secret so that no one saw any. That has kind of kept it as if no one knows and everyone will see for the first time at the second one.

My personal opinion is to do it. My grandma passed away three weeks prior to us getting married. I really wish we had done that before she passed!!! Only you can say what is going to be right for you.