Married ladies: what was not worth the stress?

The whole gosh darn thing.

I stressed about seating my in-laws, with my MIL and FIL having a very contemptuous, vicious relationship (bitter divorce) and FIL and MIL's SO getting in fist fights at other family gatherings. Should I dictate it, or should I let them sort it out? If I leave it to them, will there be a fight? If I dictate it, will I piss them all off (who do I seat closer to the aisle, MIL or FIL? Which one will perceive they're being slighted?) On the day, they all acted like perfectly rational adults and seated themselves without any upset.

My bridesmaid and her dumb dress. She showed up at my college the day before the wedding and was like "oops, I didn't get my dress hemmed, here you go." She ended up paying out the butt for it to be done the morning of the wedding (after I scrambled to find somewhere that would alter it for her - which I wouldn't do now, I'd have told her handle it her freaking self because it was her poor planning.) But if it hadn't been done, she would have been the one who had to deal with her too-long dress all day, so I don't know why I cared. The hem of her dress was only visible in like three photos, total. Not worth the stress.

My husband was an hour late. SIGH. I was stressed to the max about this. But our vendors swept in to save the day - the ceremony pianist improvised and started playing her repertoire so that it wasn't dead air, and the caterer opened the bar to serve guests drinks. Kind of turned into a pre-ceremony cocktail hour. Everyone just mingled and enjoyed the music, and our photographer got all the family portraits, bridesmaid portraits, etc. while we waited so we didn't spend time on it after the ceremony. We did lose an hour, so we cut the cocktail hour short, but we still got plenty of photos, everyone still had plenty of time to enjoy the reception, and everything turned out just fine. People noticed, but everyone just laughed about it (of course DH was late - he is perpetually late) and the day went on.

Most of the behavioral blow-ups people worry about don't happen. Most people have some sense of themselves being in public. But you should not have to worry about adults, starting with day 1 of wedding planning, and many relatives are so obnoxious throughout, who would guess. ...
Good that you had relaxed professionals to fill time with music and photography. But how could your groom be that late?

The seating chart. I tried to make sure this person didn't sit with that person etc. I mean people sat at their seats, but after eating people didn't care lol.

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My in-laws were once thrown out of a hospital for getting into a fist fight with each other in the hospice ward (the aforementioned FIL vs MIL's SO). So unfortunately, the concern was warranted, but I think stressing about it was just a waste. I think if they were going to brawl, they'd have done it no matter where they were seated.

Lateness was due to traffic. If you are unfamiliar with the death trap that is Orlando, and in particular Interstate 4 (the #1 deadliest highway in America, for the record), then this probably seems insane. But there is really no way to know whether you will end up two hours early, right on time, or very late. Unfortunately that day, there were a ton of accidents, the highway was a parking lot, and so it ended up being the latter. It also wasn't just him - it was him, all of the groomsmen, and my FIL, because they all traveled together. Again, not really worth the stress. Not like they could do anything about it.

I should have just given up on having anyone in my side of the family show up. My parents never made it to my wedding because they thought it was a great idea to move out of the country during the middle of COVID. They promised me several times that they would go to my wedding, and I was foolish enough to believe them. It broke my heart when they said they wouldn't go, but I was holding out hope that maybe some relatives, or some aunts and uncles of mine were going to show up. I think I invited over 75 of my "family" and only nine decided to show up. Honestly, it sucks, and it just goes to show how little my side of the family cares about me. Don't get me wrong, my wedding was great, and I loved it, but I wish I never had to go through those several hours of me trying to invite some family members that honestly could care less about me.

I refused to expect a "PERFECT DAY" from the word Go. (DH took some convincing on that.)

Irony: It was perfect.

Because we didn't try to control every last second, so the day had space to breathe, and everything worked out.

I wish I had admitted to myself that if my mother refused to come, her family would, too. I wasn't exactly proactive about them, but they've also had 20 years to recognize that there's a reason my mother and myself don't have a good relationship, and most of them have refused to think that one through.

THE CANDY BAR!

man you know we had name brand candy. it wasn't even like misc colored candy you see at a lot of candy buffet tables! we had tootsie rolls, kit kats, starbursts, etc.

and honestly a lot of the candy was still leftover. like people didn't take it as much as i thought they would

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I feel this. My family has put me through the same thing.. I'm just trying to focus on the love that our friends have for us. I'm so sorry you went through this also.