Married first, wedding later

People have some strong opinions on this, I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice. I think it is fine to have a wedding ceremony and then a party to celebrate at a later time, just be honest about it with guests. You'd probably want to skip some of the more traditional "wedding reception" traditions, like bridal party, bouquet toss, etc.

I actually have two sets of friends that did this. One situation, the husband was in the military, and the other situation the wife was on a visa.

In my experience, it's generally an extenuating circumstance that may cause this. But, it's whatever the bride and groom want.

Personally, I don't get it. But I think couples should do whatever works for them, so if that's what it is, then good for them.

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding like this (ceremony after 4 week engagement - Jan 31st and then reception at a later date, prob summer or autumn). I am finding it a little annoying as a bridesmaid because I am expected to wear the dress/shoes/etc twice (to each event), but also to pay for my hair, makeup and nails each time. I think a bridesmaid should only have to pay for that stuff once, and for the ceremony since the reception is just more of a "party", so why does the bridal party have to look a certain way, etc. Again, that's just my view from being a bridesmaid in this.

Again, marriage is personal, so how people decide to get married should be up to them.

I don't see a problem with this, as long as the couple is open about it. It's wierd when it's a secret

Agree with previous poster, as long as your guest know you're already married I think its fine.

FH and I have talked about getting legally married sooner for health insurance reasons. I hated my job and he kept telling me to quit, but I'm a double organ transplant patient and can't go without insurance. Anyway, we had spoken about it, but I'm really stubborn and wouldn't just give in to the bitch that I was working with. Eventually things got waaaaaay better at work so I didn't need to, but I see nothing wrong with it. We would've went to the courthouse with our 2 best friends, gotten married, went out to dinner and that's it. Nothing special. Nothing fun, just LEGAL. We would have planned the normal wedding as we are now but would have explained to our guests why we needed to legally marry before the ceremony and reception. I wouldn't have requested my BFF or his BFF to dress up or anything. That's just ridiculous.

I'm not a fan of the concept. You're married at your first ceremony. Having a second one is a renewal. I know lots of people do it, but I'm old-fashioned - you're married the first time. The second "wedding" to me isn't a wedding - it's playacting.

I don't see anything wrong with it. We're having a large symbolic wedding in Mexico with family and friends, and then the legal wedding on US soil. We're doing it this way for immigration reasons, but all our guests are aware. Just keep in mind the first one is the "wedding" the second celebrated one would be the "renewal"

As long as you're honest with people, I see no issue. When you choose to leave people in the dark is where it gets weird and pisses people off-they go expecting to witness a wedding of two single people, not a reenactment so someone can have a PPD thinking no one will be the wiser. It's a personal decision, but you can't call the second event a wedding. It would be a reception or a renewal, as was previously stated.

To all of the ladies that consider it to not be a wedding?, have anyone of you looked at what the definition of wedding is? A wedding is defined as:

1.

a. The act of marrying.

b. The ceremony or celebration of a marriage.

2. The anniversary of a marriage: a silver wedding.

3. The act or an instance of joining closely: a wedding of ideas.

@Micy604 I think it's a little ridiculous that you have to do all of that twice. When we got married we had to go to New Mexico and we couldn't share with any family or friends just our two witnesses. Personally don't feel like it's acting at all. Technically once you get your marriage license its a done deal at that point but folks still move on with an actual wedding

To me, signing a legal contract that is filed with the government is completely separate (and less meaningful, IMO) than exchanging vows with my partner for life. Separating them into two events seems fine to me.

I'm doing actually getting married this year but the traditional ceremony will be next year... I'm anxious to marry him this year and don't feel like waiting to do it officially next year.. This year is for us and next year is for friends and family who will not b at the courthouse with us, since everyone seems to wana see us get married... I never was they type to dream about a big wedding I honestly don't even want one, but that's what's his family is used to so they are going to have to wait til 2016 bc weddings are indeed expensive... Marriage is suppose to be about the love Btween the couple, who cares about how u choose to celebrate it as long as u celebrate it ?!?! Ppl act like they are paying for everything

Shavonda, so long as your guests know the two of you are already married, it's fine. In my opinion, there are more important things to be concerned about (terrorism, US education system, etc.) than to sit here and debate whether someone should call it a wedding or a vow renewal. We are already married (Married November 26 on our 2nd anniversary) our guests know we are married. We are having a ceremony cocktail hour and reception November 2016. As of right now, our invitations will read as follows:

With thanks for

God's bountiful blessings

John and Sally Smith (not our real names)

invite you to worship with them

and witness their ceremony

I don't see anything wrong with it if you are open about it.

@Kitandkaboodle that's exactly what we are doing. We were married May 21, 2014 and on our 2nd anniversary will be our traditional wedding. Everyone already knows that we are married so it won't be a secret to anyone

@destinyB exactly

I plan on doing this a couple of months before my wedding for certain reasons & don't see anything wrong with it. I guess it's different with groups of people but I know a lot of couples who have done this.

@AlexisM Even though your job situation is better now just wanted to say that FH could've added you to his health insurance as a domestic partner and you guys didn't have to get married. I work in Human Resources & add many boyfriends or girlfriends. You just need certain documents like proof that you guys have a joint back account, etc.

@Jessica whaaaaaaaat? I never knew that! I thought you had to be living together for 7 years before you could be considered a domestic partner! We didn't have anything joint until a few months ago.

ETA: Stupid autocross

I had a friend who did this, but she didn't have a bridal party and she didn't redo the ceremony. They got married at the courthouse with just a few people and then threw a huge party a few days later (it wouldn't have mattered if it were months). I'm good with that, but I don't see the point of doing the whole marriage ceremony over again.

@Alexis yeah a domestic partner is basically saying you guys are living together but there are plenty of ways to get around it. They ask for something like "3 out of 10" documents on a list so you can just get 3 simple ones. FH is actually on my benefits as a domestic partner since he was paying so much for his insurance and we don't live together.