Married couple address wording question

You should address the invites to them, and any married couple, as "Mr and Mrs John Doe".

Addressing invitations to a married couple is a subject of considerable controversy these days. Traditional is, as MrsPreach2018 says, "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe." However, that will irritate those women who don't want to have their own names just indicated as "and Mrs." On the other hand, any variant that includes Mrs. Jane Doe will irritate those women who remember that "Mrs. Jane Doe" traditionally is used to refer only to a divorcee.

Personally, I'd go with Jane and John Doe (with the name used first being the one you know better). It's a bit less formal, but also less likely to start up the culture wars.

Formal etiquette developed when women were not allowed to vote and were viewed as property being transferred from their father to their husband. I would support the notion that women are equal to men by including the woman's name and putting the woman first if she is the one whom you know better, regardless of what etiquette says.

The formal etiquette is Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. But I personally don't participate in that sort of erasure of women's identities, so I addressed my invitations to married couples with the same last name as Jane and John Doe (If the woman is our friend or blood relative her name came first). So in those instances I just left off the titles. It's less cumbersome. I may have bothered some of my older family guests, but even my married female friends who changed their names, or both changed their names, don't use Mrs.

I find addressing a couple as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe extremely offensive for the reasons stated by PPs.

I addressed mine to whomever I am closest to first - so some were addressed to Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe and others to Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe.

I addressed my my envelopes as Mr. FirstName & Mrs. FirstName Last name for a married couple with the same last name. I used Mr. First LastName and Mrs. First LastName if they had different names. Unless one of FH's family members complained to him about how they were addressed, I've heard nothing about it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! So many people think it’s ‘sexist’ or ‘anti-feminist’ to address invites this way... but I like correct, traditional etiquette.

Thanks guys! I definitely am including the woman's first name. It may be "traditional" not to but I think it's a lame, outdated tradition. Looks like consensus in that case is to list whoever you are closest with's name first. I like how it looks to leave the title off as well, but like the formality of keeping it on..but I suppose I'll just leave it off for my young friends and perhaps leave the title on for parents friends.

Thanks guys!

View Quoted Comment You're welcome. I understand, to me it's looks nice when it's properly addressed.

View Quoted Comment Enjoy traditional etiquette all you want, but it is sexist. Eventually, the accepted etiquette will have to change not to be sexist, just like we change language, etc. You also shouldn't address "any married couple" as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe as some couples have different last names.

If I were using the titles, I would write Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe.

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And I like to think that my identity does not get erased when I get married.

Tradition can be, and often is, extremely sexist

I would definitely recommend Mr. & Mrs. John & Jane Doe. Do keep in mind that not probably every woman has takenher husbands name at marriage.

OH and do pay attention to anyone who may be a doctor, have a PhD or somesuch. Mr & Mrs is very likely to offend if either the man or woman is properly addressed by a different title

I believe that if you are going to include both names the norm is to put them in alphabetical order by first name. Personally I don't think it's a big deal. If you want to put Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe that sounds perfectly fine too.

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I did exactly this as well.....

I always do the man's name first, because it's traditional even if I know the woman better.

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Etiquette is about being polite and honoring to people. Pretending I'm absorbed into my husband when I get married is neither polite nor honoring. And, it is sexist, without the added quotation marks.

Also people keep their last names or hyphenate so then you're literally refusing to use their legal name for the sake of traditional etiquette.

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Except it's not properly addressed if, for example, the man's name is John Doe and the woman's name is Jane Smith-Doe.