Married And In Love With Ex(es)

Am I the only one that finds this weird?
An ex is an ex for a reason and although they played a role in your life important or not is a chapter you leave behind. If you think of them is just as a memory or a chapter in your life but not romantically. I do not think is possible to love your partner and still love your ex.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you!!

Yes it is possible. We never love two people the same, we love them differently.

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I find it a little weird but possible. Not all relationships end on a bad note and even if they do I can see how someone might remember the good times and "love" the person they were with at that moment.

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Can you elaborate?

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I feel like you have a good point but I want to make sure I completely understand your perspective. Can you share an example of loving your current spouse and ex differently?

If someone's still in love with their exes, I don't think that person is ready for marriage. You need to enter marriage with your heart totally devoted to your spouse!

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THIS.

People come into your life in different season's of your life to serve a purpose at that time. We all have chapters in our lives where people came and left but left an impact. I love my FH and he is the person who is meant to stay in my book, but I do have a couple of ex's who will always hold a place in my heart for what they did for me during a time in my life. It's not a romantic love however, it's almost closer to a family love. One showed me how to love myself again after my divorce and another taught me to never ever settle. The things I learned from these people helped shape me into the woman I was when I met my FH and his chapter in my life started. I feel there is nothing wrong with having love in your heart for another person as long as their chapter has ended. Just remember what old Rose said in Titanic "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets." and memories of past love are yours and yours alone.

I guess it's not the same, but I'm a widow, and I will always love my late husband even as I prepare to marry my new one... There are things about my LH that annoyed the crap out of me that my fiance doesn't do and I'm glad, and vice versa--stuff my FH does that I think "My LH never did that!" I go into relationships convinced it's forever, and I'm sure all of us do. I don't think you can necessarily just shut off your emotions for someone just because of a break up. I'm not friends with most of the people I've considered best friends in the past before, but I still have fond memories of our times together and think it's kind of similar.

I don;t think it is okay but I understand why some people romanticize their exes.. especially if they casually dated someone and only experienced the good parts of a relationship because things didn't ever get "real." It's easy to think that someone who you only had fun times with would be more easygoing than your partner is; but in reality, you weren't in a serious relationship with them and don't actually know that. That is just an example though.. missing your ex husband or wife who you have been serious with because they handled things differently than your current partner is.. not good. It can only hurt everyone involved.

I wouldn't be ok with this. I am all for being friends with exes. I get the importance they could have played in your life for that x amount of time and beyond and how they've taught you a lot. But ROMANTIC feelings for an ex wouldn't cut it for me.

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Hmmmm....this is an interesting perspective.

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I really appreciate you sharing this perspective. It has really pushed my thinking. What are your thoughts on Cher's response that "If someone's still in love with their exes, I don't think that person is ready for marriage. You need to enter marriage with your heart totally devoted to your spouse!"?

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You bring up a great point and a unique perspective. Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry about your loss.

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Do you believe that people who are still in love with their exes are not ready for marriage?

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I understand this perspective, that's why I used the "Thank U, Next" image. Many people believe that exes are there to teach you lessons that you should take with you but if you are still emotionally attached that could be unhealthy for your marriage.

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If you're still romantically and physically in love with your exe's then you are not ready for marriage. There is nothing that should make you forget fond memories or times in your life before they came into the picture. Example, if my FH died suddenly I would never lose my love for him even going into a future relationship with someone else. Sure he has passed on and no longer any kind of threat to the next person, but that love I have for him would still be real and mine for me alone. My FH knows the love and respect I have for a couple of my exe's but he also knows they are exe's for a reason and he is the one I chose to give myself to today and onward.

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I totally agree!

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Thank you for sharing this perspective.

I was not in love with my exhusband for about the last 7 years of our marriage, so yeah......I am good, lol.

If one is still is love or has feelings for an ex, don't get married. Period.