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Just Said Yes February 2020

Marriage Ceremony

Jessica, on November 2, 2019 at 11:59 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 8

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So... I've heard that "commitment ceremonies" are becoming more and more popular. But for my fiance and I, we have been together for almost a decade and for personal legal reasons, it would make much more sense to not sign the legal documents for at least another year or so. We are having a DW, so do we have to tell guests and family that it's not going to be legal as of yet ? Or can we keep that to ourselves? Would that be "deceitful " if someone gave us a gift. The other issue is, my employer... Do I inform my employer and the HR dept that we wont be making it a legal marriage at this point yet? I dont want them to think I was deceitful because I know they usually send a gift card to employees who tie the knot. I know they would probably know if we did make it legal or didnt make it legal because they handle my 1020 form and things like that. I'm just really really stumped here. I love this man and I want to profess my love to him in front of our family and friends and I dont want to wait 2 years from now when it would make more sense. I also dont want to cancel the wedding. Some people have already ordered plane tickets. I need some advise on the matter please.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by James, on January 16, 2021 at 3:32 AM

Super February 2020
Jeanie · on November 3, 2019 at 3:51 AM
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That’s a tricky one. If it’s a destination wedding, you probably don’t have a giant guest list. So if you’re close with everyone and think they’ll be understanding you should tell them. However I don’t know if I would go to a fake destination wedding. I understand that you see it as a commitment ceremony, but from an outside perspective it doesn’t make much sense. You love the guy and you’ve been together for a long time now. I have no idea what would change in the next year or two that would make it better to wait, but at this point I would just wait for the real deal. If you want to profess your love now, have an engagement party. Oh, and your employer should have nothing to do with any of this, and only changes your paperwork when you tell them to. Not every married person makes changes. Your accountant is the one who needs to know.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on November 3, 2019 at 7:26 AM
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You should be honest with your guests that what they're attending is a commitment ceremony, not a wedding. Unless you're getting married, I don't know why your employer needs to know anything about the ceremony.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on November 3, 2019 at 7:31 AM
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I wouldn’t worry about your employer, but I would make sure the guests spending thousands to attend your ceremony understand that you have no plans to actually get married. I’m also not sure why you wouldn’t just wait until it does make sense to get married if that’s only another year or so away.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on November 3, 2019 at 8:12 AM
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I would be so upset if I spent a lot of money to attend a destination wedding only to find out you didn’t actually get married.
And unless you were my brother or sister I wouldn’t spend all that money, even if you were upfront with me, to watch you not get married. You are essentially just asking your guests to go on a big expensive vacation.
I would just wait the extra year. I’m all about not having a long engagement, but waiting an extra year isn’t going to hurt anything.
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Devoted December 2019
Stefanie · on November 3, 2019 at 11:47 PM
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I don’t feel is anyone’s business to know, the only difference it would make is a paper but the commitment and everything else is there. If the case is that in two years you want to do a whole party, etc then it might be a little weird but if you want to do the whole ceremony and Everything I don’t see something wrong with it, specially if this is also something spiritual for you (I don’t know if that’s the case)
why make a big deal about it? If you feel like you should let people know do it but no one has to know
in Christian and honestly the ceremony has sooo much meaning to me, do what feels better for you
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Super August 2020
Alex · on November 4, 2019 at 9:24 AM
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This confuses me. Why don't you just actually get married? What reasons stop your come legally committing to each other?
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on November 4, 2019 at 10:50 AM
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Commitment ceremonies were big for people who were not legally able to get married. I have seen one since we gained the right, but didn't know people were still doing these to be honest. Maybe my viewpoint on this is a reflection of the fact that my marriage would not always have been legal, but if you're going to invite friends and family, why not make it official even if it's more of a vow renewal or celebration of your legal marriage? It seems to me if it isn't convenient for you to be legally married now, then postpone. But if you're insistent on following through, do tell people. That is a lot of money to spend to attend what is essentially play acting.
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Lady · on November 4, 2019 at 3:27 PM
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Absolutely be honest with your guests about attending a commitment ceremony vs. a legal wedding ceremony. I dont' really know why you would have a ceremony now if you're not getting legally married, but plan to in the future. To me it doesnt' make a lot of sense, but do whatever you are comfortable with. Just don't lie to or deceive others about it.
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