Marriage before the ceremony

You could do a symbolic ceremony or a vow renewal. For me that would be what I would do if I were eloping abroad. Are you thinking to do a courthouse wedding then later a ceremony like within a year or so?

A close friend of mine did that exact samething! She said they did it because they're very private people and wanted that moment just for them. They still wanted to celebrate with family and friends so they did the ceremony later and no one knew they had already married. I was a little upset they did it that way because I wanted to be there to witness their union (I'm selfish I know 😂) but it really wasn't any different. Still felt like a wedding, they read vows, did the unity candle and it was the sweetest ceremony ever. I can't speak on it personally but I don't think she would've done things differently. It matched them and they did what was best for them! They celebrate their anniversary the actual day they got married!

View Quoted Comment Yes, we are thinking of getting married at the courthouse and having a ceremony later.

View Quoted Comment I love this! I don’t think we will keep it a secret, because my fiancé has a VERY hard time keeping things from her mom. I am not as close my family, but our two best friends would definitely be there as witnesses. I do want a ceremony of some sort later on, mostly because my fiancé wants to have her dream wedding.

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Mmmmm you could but usually that is done I think more so if you are marrying in a different place where marriage laws are odd (like some countries you must be a resident for so many days or need blood work) but you could always do a vow renewal. Sorry if I am prying but is there a reason to not just have the ceremony now?

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That is sweet and basically that is what my FH plan to do because he wants it to be just us two. My FH would prefer the courthouse but not me lol. I am your fiancee. Why not just elope you two (wear a dress, take pics, have a cake, etc...) maybe a couple of friends like you say and then have a post elopement reception for everyone to celebrate. If you want it to just be you two, you can have a second ceremony but if not just have a post elopement get together?

View Quoted Comment You’re not prying. We are in the US so there aren’t odd laws or anything. We are not having a ceremony now, because my fiancé’s dream location is booked out for the next year and she refuses to look at a different venue because it’s “the one”. So we have a date, but we want to get married sooner than that.

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Awwww I get it. I know about that dream venue. I would say it is a vow renewal but a great idea and she can have her dream. There are officiants that do symbolic ceremonies and you can easily find one. Good luck.

I’ve known people that did it but they said they always regretted it and wished they had just waited

I guess I don't understand WHY anyone would do this. If you're going to have a ceremony and reception later, just get married at the ceremony. It makes no sense to me.

View Quoted Comment Some people need to get married prior due to financial, insurance, or work reasons.

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But OP didn't mention anything like that. So it makes no sense.

Firm believer in do whatever you want to, but be honest about it. If you have a private ceremony, anything later will be a vow renewal or celebration of your marriage or whatever. That is cool, but, to me, lying is never a good plan. There are tons of posts about how lying about being already married went pretty horribly wrong. I would not do that. Also, be aware that if you get married and then plan a vow renewal for another time, there may be guests who do not take the renewal as seriously as an actual marriage ceremony. Do whatever you want, but own the consequences of your choices.

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I would definitely say don't keep it a secret. It always boggles my mind that people get secretly married and then trick their friends and family into attending a wedding. I had a friend who got secretly married, and I can say I don't have the same level of trust in her then I did before. I think it's totally fine to have a courthouse wedding and then celebrate it later. You can make it as much of a wedding as you like (bridal party, vows, dances), but just let people know they are coming to your celebration of marriage, not your wedding. Let them know when you really get married. Otherwise, you would be lying to everyone you love. Best of luck!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your response. We aren’t trying to get married in private or hide anything from anyone. I’m basically looking to see what other people think about this idea.

View Quoted Comment Maybe OP has reasons but chose not to tell the world! Lol I think they were just asking what to do.


OP my bff did this, due to insurance reasons, and her wedding reception/ceremony is next month and that is the date they are choosing to honor as their anniversary

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Fine - but I still don't understand why (unless it's an absolute emergency like job loss, freak accident, etc, which is unlikely) what the benefit is of doing a courthouse wedding just the two of you and then faking a wedding later just because.

I would just do the legal wedding and reception at one time. I agree with PP's that if OP does the "marriage before the ceremony" that they absolutely should not keep it a secret.

You asked for opinions. I guarantee many of your guests feel the same way I do. Definitely dont' mean to be rude, but honestly, why not just move up the wedding? I guess i just dont' understand why you wouldn't do everything at the same time. I know ppl do this all the time, but it really doesn't make sense to me (and lots of others if you read all the comments). Obviously you can do what you want for your wedding, but just want you to see the other side of the argument - which is what you asked for.

So we are getting married on October 2, 2020. We actually just eloped and got married on Thanksgiving this year. Thanksgiving has such a huge significance for us and our relationship that we really wanted to get married on it. However, we couldn't bring ourselves to ask our friends to skip a holiday with their families for our wedding. We decided to always celebrate our anniversary on Thanksgiving and eventually we will warm everybody up to the fact that we got married before our ceremony.

View Quoted Comment Lol my fiance is the sameeeee way...it's pretty cute actually. I think it's a good idea, have that moment with your closest loved ones and then just plan that amazing after party lol!