Mandatory Vietnamese culture/traditions

I think some compromises should be made. How do you feel s out there traditions ? Culture and traditions can’t be a sensitive topic. I would not feel right telling you and your parents to skip something that is meaningful to you and your culture.

My only advise is, what do YOU and your fiance want? I see a lot of "my mother/his parents". This is you and your fiance's wedding. Focus on what will make the two of you happy, as it is your marriage, no one else's. It's wonderful to include what your parents would like, but if following their wants only makes planning miserable, its not worth it

Are your parents financially contributing to the wedding? Personally, we cut all the Chinese traditions since my parents did not feel strongly about them. However, some of these requests sound like they could be reasonable with some compromise.

For example, you could consider doing table visits during dinner and take a photo with each table then? This could cut down the number of photos significantly and you will still have the option to print and send them after the wedding.

Ultimately, its your wedding day so you both should plan it the way you want!

Compromise is key here. I think both families need to sit down and reach some type of agreement. It helps to see why each side thinks the way they do!

I'm vietnamese. My husband is also vietnamese. They didn't pay for any of the wedding but I allowed them to invite their own guests aha but I kept all those traditions you mentioned and I'll let you know now how that went:

1) I wasn't planning to do this. But both our moms were hell-bent on this. They just were not happy about not having this because they felt that photo with us would be the memento for their guests. So I ended up adding it and the cons are that dude IT TAKES A LONG TIME AND ITS SO TIRING. You're standing there for at least an hour and it gets tiring ya know? The pro was that ... I honestly didn't really get to interact with a ton of people so the fact that I at least got to greet them and had a tiny bit of time with them for that was kind of nice. But for this I really don't find it to be a necessity AT ALL. Skip ahah.

2) we had father of groom speak on behalf of both parents and this was super short. So I didn't really mind that.

3) we did this and it didn't take as much time as we thought. The pro is that it's also another nice way to see everyone but the con was that's like 6 people walking around altogether and so it was a little bit cramped.

M fiance and I are both Chinese-American and we are doing a variation of all of these things. We are also serving Western food though. Our wedding isn't 100% Chinese or 100% American. So just coming from a similar (not the same of course) culture, I just want to present both sides of this.

In American and Western cultures, the emphasis is on individualism. You grow up and move out of your parents home and make money for you and your future. You focus on your goals. You have the wedding you want. This is the perspective your fiance is coming from.

In most Asian cultures, the focus is on communitarianism. You often live at home until you're married and take care of your parents as they get older. It's all about what's best for the family, filial piety, and your duty to them. In many Asian cultures, the wedding is about both families and their coming together. This is the perspective your parents are coming from.

I like to think that growing up Asian-American, we get to see both and find the values that work best for us. I'm sure that one of the reasons you and your fiance have decided you want to spend the rest of your lives together is because you have similar values and outlooks and/or can respect one another's differences. Neither way of thinking is wrong but after understanding their perspectives (hopefully), it's up to you to balance out the wants of others and determine how much you want to consider it, which values matter to you, and what works best for you.