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Danielle
Beginner August 2021

Man of honor bailed!

Danielle, on June 6, 2021 at 9:47 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 25
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Hi everyone!! So get ready for a wild ride with this story


My fiancé and I got engaged almost 3 years ago. We postponed our wedding until this August because of Covid. During the holiday season right after we got engaged, I asked my best friend of 10 years to be my “man of honor”. My fiancé and I decided to just have a best man and a man of honor, since I don’t have many female friends. Well skip ahead to 2021, May specifically, and I sent around dates for the bachelorette party, and my man of honor can’t make any of the dates. He also can’t plan the party, and has very limited time to do any of the typical duties that a man/maid of honor would do. Now, I’ve had a tumultuous year and completely understand having a ton of stuff going on. But his reasoning through me off. He made plans for 3 festivals this summer and is gone most every weekend to build a nudist camp (I can’t even make this up). Am I wrong to be annoyed that he knew the wedding is this summer but still made plans for almost every week leading up to it? Or am I just being a bridezilla?
Anyway, planning the bachelorette and wedding shower has made me realize how lonely it is, and I’m not going to lie, I’ve felt like a loser for not having many female friends to help out. Has anyone else experienced this while wedding planning? I can’t be the only one without many female friends!

25 Comments

Latest activity by Valerie, on June 12, 2021 at 10:43 AM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    While I totally get being disappointed, these events are optional. I would recommend trying not to let what has happened ruined your friendship or the events. Two of my bridesmaids didn't attend my bachelorette party and my bride's man didn't attend my shower. They had other stuff in their lives going on.
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I'm sorry you're going through this but I also don't have many female friends - really just my MOH. All my other close friends are guys, and I'm friends with their girlfriends/fiancee's/wives but not as close.

    I mean I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all, but guys just aren't really into all the wedding planning stuff (from what I've seen). Yes wedding planning can get very lonely - but I'm sure your wedding day will be beautiful!

    I'll probably plan my own "bachelorette" as well - my MOH is out of state but my mom is going to host my wedding shower (I think anyways). you really shouldn't be planning either event, is there someone who could at least host the wedding shower - mom, aunt, sister... mother in law, sister in law?

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  • Danielle
    Beginner August 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I appreciate your advice! I think I’m just very hurt that he couldn’t even carve out some time for my festivities after he knows that I’ve been through a lot this year (a lot of family illness that I didn’t want to mention here!).
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  • Danielle
    Beginner August 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I’m lucky that my mom and aunt are planning my shower. Unfortunately I’m planning my bachelorette since nobody else has time. Kind of makes me not want one but here we are!
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I totally get that, I hope you enjoy yourself at all your events!

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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    Maybe you and him can do a night out just the two of you as a "pre-bachelorette" and then do a regular bachelorette with whoever else you were planning to invite. It does suck that you're having to plan/organize yourself, but those events are optional and if the friendship means a lot to you, definitely don't let it get to you or affect that relationship.

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    Had you guys ever discussed that you were expecting him to throw you a bachelorette party? Had you ever mentioned before last month that you wanted it to happen this summer?
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  • Danielle
    Beginner August 2021
    Danielle ·
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    Yes, I had told him pretty much everything that I wanted for a bachelorette party. I mean it’s super low key so maybe that’s why he didn’t feel the need to be a part of it?
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  • Danielle
    Beginner August 2021
    Danielle ·
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    He doesn’t have the time to do a pre bachelorette or plan it, and I certainly don’t have the time to plan it!
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    And you had made it clear he had to do it?
    Some people don’t know that they’re expected to plan a party, and especially if you hadn’t mentioned it in a while.
    I had to let my MOH know specifically that I wanted a bachelorette because she didn’t realize she needed to do it, as she had never been a MOH before.
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  • S
    Sammy ·
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    He may have reserved time for the previous two days and finally made plans for himself. Life isn't on hold and if he's prioritizing being at the actual wedding 3 times, he's doing his part. Expecting him to not take time for his own interests western you've (understandably) had to reschedule 3x isn't fair to him
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    The gender of friend has no impact on how much time, effort, or commitment he/she is willing to put into planning and hosting parties in your honor. I don’t think it fair to be upset with how he chooses to spent his time when you comment that you certainly don’t have time to plan for it ... and it’s your wedding.
    If you need help with additional wedding planning, involve your fiancé. He too can help plan an evening for your bachelorette party. See what he says!



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  • Danielle
    Beginner August 2021
    Danielle ·
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    See unfortunately he knew in January that the wedding was in August and that we’d have a bachelorette in the summer. He made plans for festivals even after knowing that
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  • Danielle
    Beginner August 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I’m not asking him to plan the wedding, I was just expecting a hand with the bachelorette and shower lol. He also knows that I’ve had a lot of personal/family illness this past year and helping to plan would’ve the least that a best friend/ Moh could do lol
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    I’m sorry to hear about your family illnesses.
    Because your MOH is not available, there is no other bridal party member, and it’s important to you, I still think you should let your fiancé know how you are feeling. Perhaps he and his best man can plan something for both of you; a joint bachelorette/bachelor party.
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    ETA: I just read that you are planning your own bachelorette party. Good for you! Take it and run with it and enjoy it. Get your fiancé and the best man involved and make it a joint night out.
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  • J
    Judith ·
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    Obviously, covid delays were unexpected. But they were, and you guy was invited way too soon to expect things to go smoothly.people who have been through it, brides or BM/ MOH, several times, usually recommend bride's ask bridesmaid 6-9 months ahead for this reason: people will only hold something as a priority so long. Ask at 18 months, and ask 5, and often 1 is pregnant or ill, one has moved because of school or work, and one has gone through financial reversals . Or none have gone wrong, but you are barely friends any more and see each other 3 times in 2 years. Not enemies, but MOH? Covid means more people pushed the wedding date further. And you cannot indefinitely reserve the future. You still have a friend, but a less close one, who is more active in other things.j
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  • J
    Dedicated June 2021
    Jessica ·
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    I think it's totally okay to be upset at the lack of interest/reciprocity of time and emotion that your MOH has shown you. In fact, you have every right to be PO'd. I would too!

    I had something similar happen to me- I'd kinda been stomped on my entire life and in 2018-ish, finally developed a handful of friends that I felt I could trust and count on to support me. I was finishing up grad school and asked my friends to attend my graduation ceremony three months in advance, to which they all agreed. Each of the four friends said they marked the date on the calendar and all planned to be in attendance. Come time of the ceremony, one friend took a trip to the Dominican (on a whim), another decided she'd rather go to her friend's wedding, and a third "just didn't feel like driving".

    People often say "you shouldn't expect your MOH to do anything for you". I say that's a load of bull. Your close friends should want to celebrate with you and should be aware of the expectations of being part of a wedding party. And events don't have to be large and extravagant. Toned down, budget friendly events are totally do-able. It seems that your MOH would rather just do his own thing- he could have totally extended an invitation to you to attend a festival with him.

    Just my $0.02.

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  • Danielle
    Beginner August 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I wish I could love this comment! Like, are we the same person? Lol. Being stomped on is the reason why I have very few female friends, hence no other bridesmaids.


    I honestly could understand if I was asking people to spend a ton of money on the bachelorette, but I’m so low key that all I wanted was axe throwing, followed by a winery and dinner. Super affordable because I know I can’t afford an extravagant party either.
    Thanks for posting, I appreciated your insight!
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    A lot can change in 3 years. Are you still as close? Do you speak frequently? Do you see each other and hang out regularly? It sounds like he’s not very interested which maybe just means the friendship has tan it’s course.
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