Major moh Problems - Advice Please!!

I think it’s pretty normal for the bride not to be involved in these parties.
Someone else is throwing them for you so they do decide how to plan it.
Did you guys ever talk about what you’d like for the bachelorette party?

View Quoted Comment Hi Anais! I mentioned some things I wanted to do, but typically my ideas get shot down or I’m told they’re dumb, or that no one else would want to do those things. But I know my MOH pretty well, and even if we did do the things I requested, she’d give tons of attitude, snide/condescending comments and be rude and disrespectful towards me in front of everyone so she knows I won’t comment back as to not make a scene.

First off, let me start by saying that I believe you probably shouldn't have made her you MOH just because she's your sister. Just because they're family, doesn't mean they're a good fit for your bridal party. But what's done is done, and unless you want a huge falling out with her removing her as your MOH might not be an option.

Second, and I'm probably the black sheep with this opinion, but I think the bride has every right to know what's going on with pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette. I mean, my ladies are making my bach trip a surprise, but they're letting me know what to pack, and they asked me my location/traveling preferences. My MOH is planning my showers and she's been keeping me included with decision making. I'm sorry she's being so difficult and making you feel this way! I wouldn't cancel your events because of course you want to be celebrated, but maybe sit her down and let her know how you feel. Express how you would like to be more included, or at least the rest of the bridal party be included and that if she refuses to do that, then you'll have someone else plan them.

It's not about her, it's about you and your future spouse. It's a delicate balance because she's your sister, but you need to be honest with her and give her tough love.

Okay, I had a response to let it go, you're not the host. But, then I read your reply that she's snide and condescending. I would tell your mutual parent that you're not comfortable, and maybe she can find a solution before you make MOH step down.

I mean. You’re not really supposed to be involved in the planning of those, but I think your sister is being a little crass about it all.


I’d recommend trying not to be too hurt over it, because cancelling those would ruin what sounds like an already taught relationship with your sister.
It’s not out of line to find out what’s happening, but maybe assuring your sister that you don’t want to change anything or offer up any ideas would help.
I’m sure she might just be worried that you won’t like anything she’s planning and try to change everything (but also may just think it’s all supposed to be a complete surprise).

View Quoted Comment I do 100% agree here. I wouldn’t have recommended making your sister MOH if she’s always been like this.
Family doesn’t have to be part of the wedding party 😬

You're sister is being kind of a B but also, she's right. You generally shouldn't be involved in the planning of your own shower and bachelorette. It's nice if you're opinion is asked, but this is a party being thrown FOR you, so as long as the dates work for you, I wouldn't worry about it more than that.

Cancelling those events sounds like a good idea. The good news is that you will be just as married without them. I agree with those who said it sounds like this person was a poor choice for MOH, but that ship has sailed. The best thing to do now is to just have zero expectations for her involvement and move forward with all of your wedding plans as if she weren't a factor.

If you’re not paying for it and you’re not throwing it you kind of don’t have any say. If you want to have say then pay for it yourself. This is such immature ridiculous drama to have about your wedding day.

The MOH ship has sailed.

You have someone who is actively planning and paying for parties in your honor. You should have say over available dates, and guest lists when it comes to both. That's about it. Normally you should trust your MOH to plan something you like.

However, just because it is being planned, doesn't mean you are required to attend. If you don't want either, you need to let her know that you don't want one and will not be attending. Doing this, means that they are out any money that they have used to plan this. So, I would either attend or pay back any costs associated with your bridal shower that cannot be returned.

Just playing Devil's advocate here, but it sounds like your sister is upset because you've been asking questions which in turn is probably making her feel like you don't trust her to throw a shower or bacherlotte party to your likely. Typically the bride has very little say in planning either event except for providing a guest list. I would trust that your sister knows you well enough to know what you like and plan accordingly. For example, I was MOH in my brother's wedding and I know my SIL loves Disney so I made her bridal shower Disney themed. She had no idea the theme, location or date of the shower. It was at the church my family attends where my brother and his wife co-host bible study so my brother made up an excuse for them to swing by the church and we surprised her with her bridal shower. It was the same way for my shower. I had no idea when, where or what the theme would be.

A bridal shower is a party hosted by someone else, for you, in your honor. You provide the date and guest list; the host plans and pays for everything. If you cannot graciously accept pre-wedding events thrown by other people to honor and celebrate you, then I agree you should probably let her know to stop planning so she doesn't incur any additional expenses.

Typically the bridal party does organize the shower/bach party, but they also typically take into account the bride's preferences for activities, budget, level of partying, etc.
I think it'd be a good idea to sit and chat with your sister, make sure everyone's on the same page, and let her know how you're feeling. There's no sense in going through with the events if all parties are going to be unhappy!

You should be allowed to know the details if you wish to and she should not be acting that way

That is a super tough situation to be in. I went through a similar situation where I made my older sister (who has a similar personality) a bridesmaid and since my MOH will be planning my bachelorette party, my sister really wanted to plan the bridal shower. However, she wanted to have it at a church that I have really bad memories tied to so I (like you) gave a few suggestions. She then told me that I was micromanaging and was being selfish about it...even though it is for my wedding. Nonetheless, after I confronted her, she stepped down from planning and said she would only be there as support and not give her opinion unless asked. It took a while to get there along with a few breakdowns and fights, but maybe talking to her and prefacing with something like "I appreciate all the hard work you are putting into this" or something along those lines. Then letting her know that you would prefer to at least have a small part in it. I know it is pretty common for the bride to just show up, but it is up to the bride how much she wants to be involved. Hopefully, she will understand and you won't have to cancel those events. Good luck!!