I'd been on a happy high with my now FH for the last 5 months, we got engaged about a month and a half ago and from the beginning wedding planning was already highly stressful, I never imagined myself actually getting married but my FH is definitely my life partner and I am excited to begin my life with him. I already had a few break downs and told him I never wanted to plan a wedding and that he will need to pull a ton of the weight if this is something he really wants (which it is and that's fine.) Then last weekend a close friend of mine was buried, after committing suicide so very unexpectedly, (he never showed any recognizeable changes or signs to anyone, he just did it one day.) The waves of grief have been manifesting in so many ways, I deleted my Facebook, I chopped my own guest list nearly in half and still feel like theres people I dont want on it, mostly everyone honestly. I know I'm pushing people away because I'm in pain but since I already felt in over my head with this wedding stuff I feel completely burdened by it now. FH has been picking up my slack but I just can't find any joy in planning my wedding right now and he wanted to get married in about 1 year so I feel like I don't have time to put it all down for long.
Truly though, I dont feel like I want to be surrounded by a bunch of people I feel obligated to invite but my FH wants a big party. I dont even know what my question is, any advice helps. I guess, What else can I get excited about as far as wedding day, would be a good question.