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Savvy April 2021

Maid/matron of honor/bachelorette party mess!

Liliana, on October 22, 2019 at 6:21 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 19

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Hey ladies! I don’t want this to be too long so I’ll try. I have a lifelong friend who is my matron of honor I’ll call her B, then maid of honor A. My sisters and a few other good friends are also in the bridal party. So when I first got engaged B said she wanted to take me to Cabo and my sisters and other friends were excited, this was before I even asked anyone to be in it. So after I asked A asked B if she could take over the bachelorette party and B could take care of the bridal party. I was fine only having one. So recently I guess the bridesmaids have all been talking about ideas for the bachelorette party, they all want to do something fun for me since I’m the last of my sisters getting married. So A has two other trips booked for next year so she’s pretty much said no to of a nything except for Vegas. We live in California so we can drive there, but I even mentioned San Diego and that was also too much. But we haven’t even gotten exact pricing on anything. So the other night I guess in their own group chat they decided Cabo and wanted to surprise me but she was not on board so she exited their group and text me saying they know me best and I’ll have a great time in Cabo but she’s bowing out from all bachelorette activities. I don’t know how to take it all. I want everyone to have fun but I don’t want to stress over these little things. Thanks a bunch if you’ve made it this far.

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19 Comments

Latest activity by Liliana, on October 23, 2019 at 2:57 PM

VIP January 2019
Maggie · on October 22, 2019 at 6:26 PM
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Not everyone can or wants to attend destination bachelor/ette parties, and that is completely fine. I'm not sure if you are asking for advice or just venting. If you want advice, I would request a simpler, less expensive (money and time) party so everyone can attend.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 22, 2019 at 6:31 PM
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Agree with this. I definitely couldn’t afford to go to Cabo for a bachelorette party right now and I would hope that none of my friends would hold that against me. Have a less extravagant party or be okay with your friend not being included.
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 22, 2019 at 6:38 PM
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A little venting, but also she’s the only one that can’t go. But instead of just letting the other girls know she’s messaging me on the side. They were trying to keep a surprise I guess. But I do totally understand that it can be an expensive trip.
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 22, 2019 at 6:40 PM
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Thank you. I said I was ok with going anywhere but I’m a little frustrated too that she’s written everything off without even getting pricing and all of that.
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Dedicated October 2020
Stephanie · on October 22, 2019 at 6:55 PM
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Personally I feel she is being petty about it. If she can’t go so be it.. it’s about you and she agreed to be in your wedding. I get people can’t do fancy trips trust me but she didn’t have to ruin the surprise like that.
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 22, 2019 at 7:23 PM
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That’s how I kind of feel. Like she didn’t even give anything a chance. And now she’s treating me like I’m the one that did something wrong.
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Dedicated October 2020
Stephanie · on October 22, 2019 at 7:30 PM
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Don’t let her do that! I would explain to her that you understand she’s strapped because of two other trips she chose to go on but that’s not on you. And all other girls are excited and you should be too. If she is really your friend she would be bummed but not want to ruin the trip for you.. it seems selfish.
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Devoted October 2020
Teresa · on October 22, 2019 at 8:10 PM
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My thought process is this:
1. She said Vegas was OK to do but not San Diego??? Doesn't make sense, Vegas can and will end up being more expensive.
2. While she has 2 other trips planned already that's maybe the girls could at least offer to do a mini party with all of you in attendance and then go do the big one.
3. She's totally being immature about it all. However, maybe a little one on one time with just her and yourself would help. You two just go and have a day where you both can talk about this situation and let the other know what's really going on. Maybe she feels like she doesn't have as important role or part in you wedding/life as these other girls do.
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 22, 2019 at 8:16 PM
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That’s what I was thinking it just doesn’t make sense to rule everything except Vegas out. She’s always been jealous of my matron of honor who I’ve known my whole life. But I still asked her to be my moh so I’m just confused and starting to get angry. She even sent me a message saying I’ll still be at your wedding if you want me to be. Which I didn’t even know how to take that. Thank you!
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Devoted October 2020
Teresa · on October 22, 2019 at 8:18 PM
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Weddings are super stressing on families and friends. I truly think she’s feeling as if she’s just not that important to you anymore. Maybe some good old fashioned hanging out eating junk food and talking about everything and nothing will help.
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 22, 2019 at 8:36 PM
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Thank you I might try. We just have a history of her making me feel this way. And I’m tired haha. I love her and thought she would be so happy to be in the wedding but it’s just not the vibe I’m getting. But maybe I’ll reach out and see if there’s more going on. I appreciate it.
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Devoted October 2020
Teresa · on October 22, 2019 at 8:57 PM
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I totally understand! I just know how I am and I would want to be able to look back if it goes farther downhill and think to myself that I really did try everything to salvage this.
Then again you're talking to a 40 years old set in her ways woman with a strong non BS attitude. I have 1 true friend and I would seriously die for her but other than that I have cut ties with many life long friends due to their selfishness and inability to just be happy for my successes in life. I wish you all the best and hope that she comes around for you!
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 22, 2019 at 9:04 PM
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Absolutely! I will reach out in a few days. And I have done the same! After I had my daughter I realized I don’t have time for all the pettiness. We are all in our mid 30’s so I just feel a lot of this is silly.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 23, 2019 at 12:53 PM
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All my girls didn't go to my bachelorette in Palm Springs (which was fine with me). 3 couldn't go out of my 9 because they couldn't afford it (they were in different states than CA) but even the ones in CA had to drive or fly to get there. If it's a destination that's just how it works out usually!
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 23, 2019 at 1:02 PM
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Yes I totally understand that not everyone can go. The problem is she’s making me feel bad about not changing it to something she can afford (Vegas).. And she just shut everything down according to my other bridesmaids before they even checked pricing on anything. All because she has two other trips planned.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 23, 2019 at 1:04 PM
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I would just tell her you aren't in charge of planning it and your other bridal party members are, then tell them to stick to their plan & not change it for her. If she continues to guilt her, just don't respond! She will get over it. If you want to do a girl's night with her for another outing, you totally can!
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Lady · on October 23, 2019 at 2:07 PM
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It's totally fine if she can't go to Cabo. It's unlikely you'll find something that all your girls want to do or can afford on the same weekend. You aren't planning it, so I wouldn't worry about her being upset with you. Tell her' you'll miss her and you'll have drinks with her another time.
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 23, 2019 at 2:55 PM
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Thank you! I will definitely try that.
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Savvy April 2021
Liliana · on October 23, 2019 at 2:57 PM
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Yea you’re right! I think she just got upset because she’s the moh and thinks that I’m always siding with my matron of honor. Oh what fun. Thank you so much for all of your help!
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