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Colleen
Beginner March 2021

Maid of horror

Colleen, on October 30, 2020 at 4:16 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 19
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Ok so I got engaged last summer and my friend INSISTED that she was going to be my MOH because I had been hers. I never asked her she just assumed the position which was fine as I would have asked her however she was 6 months pregnant when I got engaged. She said it wasn't going to be a problem she would just wait as long as possible to buy a dress to keep time to loose pregnancy weight. We set a date, sent out save the dates and were in the process of designing our invitations the week before Christmas as our date was March 21. I get a phone call from her. Saying "I can't do this can you ask someone else to be your maid of honor". I was infuriated. You didn't do anything up to this date. No engagement party no bridal shower no plans for the near future for anything. Merry Christmas to me right? I had already purchased personalized gifts for all members of the wedding party. Our wedding party was already small. A MOH bridesmaid and a junior bridesmaid. I didn't have some huge extravagant group to upgrade someone and she knew that. I feel like this is friendship ruining. We haven't spoken since. Am I being too harsh? Or is she just being selfish. Due to covid our reception has been postponed until March 2021.

19 Comments

Latest activity by Casey, on November 1, 2020 at 2:19 PM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Is she saying that she can't do it because of her baby? If so that is understandable, many people don't know how time consuming babies really are. I think you two should talk it out, I personally wouldn't stop being friends with someone just because she said she couldn't be my MOH anymore. Annoyed maybe? Yes but I don't see why that would ruin a friendship unless there are other issues.

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  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Is this something that happened 10 months ago? If so, I really think you need to move on. If you feel like it’s worth ending your friendship over, do that, but I think that’s an over the top reaction. Lots of people don’t know what to expect when they enter motherhood, and I’m sure she didn’t consider that you would have spent money on anything for her at that point.
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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    Well, if you haven't spoken since then, it sounds like the friendship is pretty done-zo. I would just let it go at this point.

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    This happened at Christmas, correct? I would let it go .
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  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, you should have put your foot down from the beginning. No one gets to dictate what role they will play in someone else's wedding or if they will even be invited. Cut your losses since she is the one who created the unnecessary drama. Move on. That person doesn't deserve to be your friend after that.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Seems like she didn’t realize all the work it takes when a newborn enters the picture. However, if she hasn’t really been involved in anything that’s been going on with the planning or organizing parties, I think you should just cut your losses on this one. As the friendship goes, I wouldn’t end it.
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  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    Yes, you're extremely overreacting. As MOH her only job would have been to show up at the wedding anyway, but it sounds like she wanted to do more and didn't realize how difficult it would be with an infant. Understandably. Since you haven't talked to her in 10 months it sounds like the friendship is already dead, however, so you might as well continue letting it lie unless you feel called to apologize for treating her so coldly after she dropped out of your wedding. She's definitely not a "Maid of Horror".

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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla Online ·
    • Flag
    Wait— you haven’t talked to her since last December? I mean, it sounds like the friendship is over.


    Honestly, if it’s her first baby, she probably didn’t know how life-altering having a baby is and thought she could still be your MOH.
    Also, hate to burst your bubble, but engagement parties aren’t the responsibility of the MOH. Lots of couples don’t have engagement parties, and the ones that I know that did have them... hosted the party themselves. Also, in my circle of friends, even though the bridesmaids help with bridal showers, it’s usually hosted by the mother of the bride or groom or another family member. If no one offers to host one then the bride doesn’t get one.
    I’m assuming you did all these things for your friend which is why you’re expecting her to do the same, but at the end of the day, your MOH’s only “duty” is to stand next to you on your big day and hold your bouquet.
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  • Megan
    Super October 2020
    Megan ·
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    Alll this plus, there’s currently a pandemic going on. You have to take that into consideration. So many people didn’t know how to have socially distanced parties. Additionally it’s not her responsibility to throw you these parties. My MOH was in grad school at the time and didn’t help with pre wedding events but was there for me the day of. And I’m fine with that. I think you should be more understanding. But again, if you haven’t talked since December, it seems like you made up your mind already.
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  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie Online ·
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    If it's because of her baby then you should be understanding of this, especially if it is her first child. New parents tend to think they will have time to still do things and that they can still act like they did before the baby, but once that baby comes things change because they are a lot of work. She probably bit off more than she can chew. Also did your friend tell you like 9 10 months before the wedding, if so you have plenty of time to replace her. Plus you have to take into consideration that there is still a pandemic going on and maybe she is worried about the health of her newborn which should be understandable. This seems like a situation where you need to sit down and talk to her about why all of a sudden she doesn't want to be in the wedding. You need to figure out if this is really a good reason to lose a friend over and if you care if you lose this friend.
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  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie Online ·
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    Definitely agree, the only thing the bridal party is responsible for is getting their attire and showing up for the rehearsal dinner and wedding. So many people think that their wedding party has to throw all these parties and spend all this money for on them. Some even feel that during their wedding planning and wedding the world revolves around them. I hate to break it to everyone but engaged, bride, groom or wedding life doesn't revolve around you. People have their own life and problems to tend to, to be expected to be there at every beck and call all because you are in someone's wedding and expected to plan and pay for all the parties is ridiculous. Yes it's nice when you are the one getting married and everyone is there for you and planning these parties for you, but don't demand it and expect people to drop everything in their lives all because you are getting married.
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  • Colleen
    Beginner March 2021
    Colleen ·
    • Flag
    I didn't expect her to throw any of these events just show up to them so I apologizeifthat came out wrong. Although she expected me to throw them and pay for them for her. All I had expected from her was to be there. She had become a very selfish and self-centered person and despite the fact that all she had to do was show up in a dress she couldn't be bothered.
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  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie Online ·
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    Oh ok i understand better. I totally get why you would be upset and give her the cold shoulder then. She isn't being a good friend. Is she happily married? Or is nobody giving her attention since she had the baby? I ask because maybe she is jealous, either because she isn't married and wants to be or because she doesn't have all the attention anymore.


    I had cut ties with my best friend 2 weeks after getting engaged. She was a great friend when we where in high school, but once we graduated she became a jealous toxic person to me. Always putting me down, belittling me and trying to one up me and compete with me, when I wasn't trying to compete with my best friend over who has their life together better. I took her toxic behavior and dealt with it for 10 years. But when I got engaged and she just put me down and made fun of my engagement ring and talking crap about me on social media all because she wasn't going to be my MOH because we haven't been close in years, I finally had enough and cut ties with her. That was a year ago and I am so happy that I finally did it.
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  • Colleen
    Beginner March 2021
    Colleen ·
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    She is married and as far as I know everyone has been supportive since she had her baby as was I up until this. I was trying to be respectful and my other close friends live out of state so I didn't include them in my bridal party because traveling would be cost enough for them. She said that she was 100% on board. Until she wasn't. We had been friends since high school with a major blow out after he first marriage (he was a jerk and made up lies about everyone to isolate her) after she got divorced she came around and apologized for having taken his side and dissolving so many friendships. I always make excuses for her behavior and say "that's not the friend I remember " but she only cares about seeming classier than everyone around her. Gucci purses and Prada glasses. I had hoped when her baby was born she would become less selfish and I honestly think she bailed on me because she didn't think she'd loose the weight to look the best.
    Anyway my whole reason for posting is because all of this happened PRE-COVID. My wedding was postponed less than a week prior to our date. And our new date is now a year out. Im trying to put it into perspective if we do run into each other before then. My mother actually said she wasn't surprised that she "pulled something" to cause a problem.
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  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie Online ·
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    It doesn't sound like she really would be a lose then. She sounds a lot like my ex best friend. She's always trying to steal the show and make everything about her. And if it's not about her then she plays the victim to try and get sympathy votes. If I was still friends with her she'd probably try to steal my moment away at my wedding. She told me that I couldn't get married before her cause my fiance and I only been together for 3 years whereas her and her boyfriend had been together for 6. And how it isn't right that I'm going to be a wife to someone I barely knew before she's a wife to someone she's been with forever and has kids with. When I told my mom what she said about my ring and how she was putting me down and knocking me, my mom wasn't surprised at all by her actions either. My mom said it was a good thing I got rid of her now.
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  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie Online ·
    • Flag
    Her dropping out of you wedding sounds like it could be a blessing. At least you won't have to worry about her bringing drama. And if you somehow do reconnect before the wedding I wouldn't give her the spot back regardless.
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    This is all one side of the story and I’d bet there is much much more to it on both sides. But honestly, yes you are being too harsh. However, if you haven’t spoken to her since December then it’s safe to say your friendship is over. Just move on because it doesn’t really seem like you care anyway.
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  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    But again, that's not a requirement. The only thing a MOH is accepting when they take the role is the responsibility of showing up at the WEDDING in the selected attire.

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  • C
    Expert December 2021
    Casey ·
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    I definitely feel like we are getting one side of this story, too. I agree with this comment all the way
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