Maid of Honor vs bridesmaids

I think you did do the right thing. you have a lot going on right now and it makes sense that you'd wanna step down to let someone else have more of that responsibility.

also congratulations to you!

Well, it is pretty common to have multiple maids of honor, so your sister could have just designated the other girl as co-MOH. Also, there is no rule that the MOH has to plan the bachelorette party, shower, etc. Literally anyone can volunteer to plan those events. However, you relinquishing that title may bring you peace of mind just knowing that there will be no expectations being placed on you that you cannot meet at this time with your pregnancy. Plus, since you’ve already stepped down, I don’t think it’s worth thinking about/stressing over anymore. Just enjoy being a bridesmaid and focusing on your pregnancy 😊

That is a tough situation. However I don’t think you stepping down is necessary nor is it the best/only option. Your sister chose you as maid/matron of honor because she feels you are the most appropriate person in her life for that role. Some brides take it lightly and don’t put complete thought into picking appropriate people for the roles as a way to please in-laws or friends and others take it seriously and weigh out who is best vs not. It sounds like the other bridesmaids don’t know your sister that well, if they are planning things that she would not enjoy.


It is absolutely inappropriate for the other bridesmaids to bully you out of your position, regardless of whether you are pregnant or not. So you stepping down sends the message that their behavior is acceptable. In your sister’s shoes, I would be appalled that the other women I had chosen for such an important role were treating you like this. It’s not their place to decide who they think is the best candidate for maid of honor because this is not High School Mean Girls Part 2. They don’t seem to understand the true meaning of friendship if their interpretation is who spends the most money. Planning a party that they know you can’t attend and bullying you because of it is narcissistic gaslighting. Sister needs to put a stop to their behavior. Lots of wedding parties have bridesmaids who are not part of the same friend group and may not like each other but they put their differences aside to support the bride, and in this case, they are attempting to create a rift between you and your sister. The open hostility to the point where you are that uncomfortable is not ok.
If you do decide to step down due to your pregnancy, don’t let these jealous bullies permanently damage the relationship between you and your sister, as they are trying to do. She would not be without a maid of honor unless you decide to abandon it. If you are unable to attend, she picks someone else to sign the marriage certificate as her legal witness and hopefully not of these girls. The responsibilities still apply that the only thing you need to do is purchase a dress and support her on the wedding day, even if that is from afar. Really there is nothing more complicated to stress over in a maid/matron of honor position vs a regular bridesmaid because responsibilities are the same for everyone. Even on the wedding day itself, aside from a signature on the marriage certificate from 2 legal adults of the couple’s choice, everything else (toasts, etc) is optional. One of them stepping up as alternative or co- maid of honor serves zero purpose other than to cement their plans of creating a rift between you and sister. Multiple maids of honor are a new trend and when you have more than one, the “of honor” loses meaning if everyone in the group is equal. Sit down and discuss all of your feelings openly with your sister before you decide to step down from maid/matron of honor.

I think you need to worry less about the bridesmaids here and remember the whole point of the role— to be there for your sister. If she’s just an innocent bystander here, it feels like punishing her to walk away. But, her little role and feelings should be more important than her friends’ , so it’s important to have an actual open conversation with her and be on the same page. My MOH was my very best friend but lived across the country. I knew she couldn’t necessarily do much in the “help” department and didn’t know if she’d even be able to come to a shower or bachelorette, let alone plan them. But that didn’t matter— she was still my
MOH bc she is my very best friend and I wanted her right there by my side on the big day. Luckily my friends are sweet and happy to take the reins on planning without feeling any type of way. Your sisters friends sound like jerks! But stepping down should be between you and your sister