Savvy June 2020

Maid of honor trouble

Olivia, on May 21, 2019 at 9:49 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 10
I haven’t chosen anyone to be my bridesmaids and maid of honor. But the MOH is where I’m having the most difficulty, my best friend wants to be the MOH but she doesn’t support the engagement, she’s kind of an attention hog.... love her to death but it’s hard. I would like another one of my friends who me and my fiancé both know, she fully supports is and has been there for me a lot more than my best friend has. It’s just hard to say to my best friend that she’s not going to be the MOH. I’m excited to start everything with my friends next to me


Latest activity by Cristy, on May 21, 2019 at 6:09 PM
  • Aleks
    Dedicated October 2019
    Aleks ·
    • Flag

    Why does the person who doesn't support the engagement want to be the MOH? That seems...counter-intuitive and like it's going to cause you more trouble than it's worth.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    Trust me on this, be careful who you choose to be in your wedding party. Bridesmaid regret is real. I chose someone out of obligation, and I truly regret my decision and now I'm stuck. Follow your heart and take your time to think about it.

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  • Bree
    Dedicated November 2019
    Bree ·
    • Flag

    I picked some of my bridal party because I felt obligated to, but I made sure to pick my MOH for someone that I wanted to be there. If your friend doesn't understand you choice then, she may not really be the kind of friend you want beside you. I have a bridesmaid that I feel makes everything about her and has stressed me out and I spend more time worrying about her not feeling left out or getting her feelings hurt that I feel like I can't make decisions I want for my own wedding. Like if I change my mind on something she questions me about it and makes me feel like I'm not aloud to change my mind. So don't put yourself in a situation where you are having to baby your bridal party. Pick people you know will be there to support you. It's your day. Not theirs. And if they can't understand why you make your choices then you probably made the right decision...

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  • A
    Dedicated April 2021
    Allyson ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like you know what to you need to do and you are worried about the fall out, but why would someone want to be the MOH if she doesn't support you getting married? That just seems like a WHOLE lot of drama you can avoid pretty easily. Your best friend sounds sort of miserable and will be unhappy either way, so you may as well make it better for you because it is YOUR wedding.

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  • Emily
    Super April 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    Trust your gut. If there's fallout from it, you know you made the right choice no matter how painful it is. You need people next to you who support both you and your fiance. It sounds like to me that she wants the MOH title for bragging rights not because she fully supports you. My friend had an MOH who planned the shower and bachelorette party how she would've wanted it if she was getting married - not catering to the bride at all. It was awful to see the bride not having a great time, but just a good time, on her bachelorette party.

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  • Yasmine
    Dedicated November 2019
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I had this same struggle, choosing between a girl who has become my closest friend but who I've only known for a couple years vs my oldest friend who I used to be closest to. My old friend doesn't disagree with my decision to get married, but unfortunately has made little effort to get to know FH and tends to give negative vibes when it comes to him.
    I chose my newer friend to be MOH. In the end I'm glad I did. My MOH has remained my solid go-to and she's the one I feel will support me the most emotionally and logistically on the day of
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated February 2020
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    Although I agree with everyone else, you should pick the supportive friend, however another alternative would be to have two MOH. I have been MOH for my best friend and her college best friend was also the MOH. In addition, I’ll be having a maid and matron of honor. (My sister desperately wanted to be maid of honor but I knew my best friend is who I wanted).
    Hopefully they would balance each other out and then you could have both women you love with you.
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    Don't even be friends with someone who isn't supportive of your marriage! Do the supportive MOH.
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  • Heather
    Expert April 2020
    Heather ·
    • Flag

    I would take a few more months to think about it. Don't let anyone tell you or ask you to be in the bridal party or a MOH. What I hear is that most people either pick a sibling or longest friend as MOH, but that's not what I did. I don't have any sisters (I have a few step sisters and a SIL, but not close enough for me to have them in my wedding party) and I didn't pick my longest friend. The friend I've known longest is excited and supportive, but she is over an hour away and is busy with her married/working life and is also considering going back to school. I chose another friend who lives in my city and even though she goes to school and is getting married in a few months, she seemed to be the best pick of who I thought would be helpful with planning, etc. It took me about 3 months to decide on my MOH.

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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    OP stated that her friend is kind of an attention hog. That tells me why she wants to be MOH, not for the reasons she should want to, like supporting her best friend for her wedding and marriage.

    OP, I wouldn't pick her. It sounds like you don't want to, but are afraid of the fallout. Unfortunately, weddings often bring out the worst in people. So, maybe you can explain it in a way that won't ruin your friendship. But she's going to react how she's going to react, and there's nothing you can do to control that. Good luck.

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