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Jessica
Just Said Yes November 2021

Maid of Honor trouble

Jessica, on July 27, 2021 at 2:37 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

Hey everyone! so I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I kinda want to switch my maid of honor. I was engaged 2 years ago but because of covid wedding was postponed. For some background, I picked my besfriend to be my maid of honor, been friends since highs cool. At first it was great but lately this year we have been getting into petty fights or more so she is starting petty fights that i honestly do not have the energy or will to partake in. She gpt mad about my birthday, she wanted a whole day for just her and i but my fiance also wanted to celebrate my birthday with me of course along with our family. She didn't take this well when he asked her (politely might i add) what time she would be dropping me off at home so he could take me to the family dinner for my birthday. Needless to say she got her way, my fiancé moved the dinner and she was still mad. she held a grudge, a week later we went food shopping together and she couldn't stop saying how mad at him she was and that she hates him. then proceeded to say I don't support her because i wasn't the one to tell him to switch the family dinner. ( im the only one of her friends that is ever actually there for her, through breakups, family trouble, school trouble). Now she's mad at me, hasn't flat out said it but she isn't speaking to me, stopped sharing her location with me and when i do text her its very short answers. This is because i declined being a fake reference for her for a job she applied for. There have been many other squabbles just this year and I'm tired of them. I don't see a point in having someone who keeps causing petty fights and keeps saying she hates my fiancé in my wedding. I've grown super close to my fiancé's sister in law and would love tp have her as my maid of honor instead. I just don't know what to do.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on July 28, 2021 at 7:55 PM
  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    If you cut her as your MOH that's the end of your friendship, so don't take that lightly. Also, if you cut her then it's even worse to make someone else your MOH. I wouldn't replace her in any way, just don't have one. The actual title truly doesn't matter.

    It does sound to me like she might be upset that she's not getting any girl time with you to just be friends without wedding stuff. I would take the time to try and deal with your actual friendship first before dealing with any "role" changes. These women are your friends first, bridesmaids second. This isn't just a position like in a job where you can fire people and hire new ones.

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I agree with PP. removing her will effectively end your friendship, and especially if you replace that will make it even worse for her.
    Have you been able to sit down with her and ask her what’s going on? Not by text but an in person heart to heart?
    It does sound like there’s something bigger going on that I think you need to get to the bottom of it. I don’t think that based on your sorry it was appropriate for her to say she hates your fiancé so I think trying to understand where she’s coming from is important.
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  • Jessica
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Jessica ·
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    But that's also the thing. We do have girl time and when we do she wants to talk wedding stuff more than I do. I reach out at least once every 2 weeks to hang out with her but she says she has work but then is hanging out with her other friends. I would understand if it was just that she was missing spending time together

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    Then you need to talk to her face to face and figure out what's going on. Usually stuff isn't as cut and dry as people think it is. If she's supposed to be your best friend then the two of you need to have a serious conversation. I don't know everything about your relationship, I was just saying what it seemed like to me, and that's that it seems like this may be deeper than the information we do have.

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  • Jessica
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Jessica ·
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    It's tough to talk to her. She hates talking about emotions and i don't want to force her too much if she doesn't want to. I know she's been fighting with her other friends as well but idk to what extent. Im going to message her today and see if she wants to meet Friday night. Hopefully get to the bottom of whatever is going on

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    Good luck! She may just be going through something right now. I hope you're able to work things out. Always remember you're a friend first and a bride second. Your wedding is one day but your friendships will last longer than that.

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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    If you were too take away her title of moh it is a friendship ending move, I would give it a month and work on your friendship go out to dinner and get your nails done take a week and not talk about the wedding,

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  • J
    Judith ·
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    First, MOH is an honorary title, usually for the friend you have been friends with longest, or the friend or family you feel closest to at the time you selected. Not the person who does the most for you. ( Most often worked the opposite way: the 1 or 2 2 people you know the best, because they know you best, are people who volunteer to do the most.)
    The M OH may live 1000 miles away temporarily or long term, and nothing til she gets off a plane wedding morning. Friends of mine planned Showers for me in different areas, and volunteered to do a few wedding things, but my MoH St

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  • J
    Judith ·
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    Stayed the same. ( I did give these people larger presents, and did them privately the day of the wedding, easy since all presents were different.


    Advice : If you drop this MOH , don't pick a new one. This squabbling sounds like jealousy and needs to be talked out. Ordinarily it surfaces in people who asked too early, over a year . Desirable is 7 to 9 months, but Covid stretched your time line. Talk to her.
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    She seems like she would be happy if she had you all to herself all the time but when she wanted. She needs to realize that you are moving on with your life, getting married maybe or maybe not having kids (idk). Yes you still get to have friends but as you move forward and grow up you have to put your family first which means there will be times she is going to have to deal with not getting alone time with you. If she can't understand and grow up along with you then maybe where your going in life isn't a place for her. In life you will find that as you go through these big milestones that you are going to lose friends. Getting engaged, married, having kids, etc. I'm not saying to cut her off or that she isn't going to be your friend after this. I think if you remove her it definitely will end the friendship. And if you are ok with that then go for it. As for asking his sister I don't think you should. It would seem like she was just a back up plan and won't be an honor for her. I think I'd have a serious conversation with her about why she feels the need to act this way. And see where her heads at. Maybe she is being this way because she feels she is going to lose you.
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  • B
    Beginner March 2021
    Briana ·
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    You definitely need to talk to her and see what's going on with her, she may be wanting to talk about wedding so much because she doesn't want the focus on her if she is struggling with something. I ended a 15 year friendship 2 years into my relationship because she was so unbelievably unsupportive of my relationship (out of pure jealousy because we lived together and travled and her bf wouldn't). This is now the person I am marrying, so good call by me. However I had talked to her at length before making that decision. You may not want to "force" her to open up, but it seems like that is what needs to happen.

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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    This is true. You won't know what is really going on until you have a serious chat.


    I ended my 12 year friendship with my bff because of jealousy. She was so jealous of me since we graduated from high school because I was moving forward with my life while she was standing still. And when I got engaged her jealousy progressed so I cut her from my life. It was the best decision.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    You've gotten good advice here. Removing your MOH will end the relationship. There must be some reason she is / was your BFF. Maybe that deserves a conversation about the friendship vs the wedding. Also be aware that if you remove her, you may look bad to others in your social group.

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