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Just Said Yes October 2018

Maid of Honor Steps down

Ashley, on August 19, 2018 at 4:10 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hey everyone, I’m a little taken back by my current events. My best friend and maid of honor has stepped down from being just that, the maid of honor. Her and her boyfriend have recently mutually broken up. He has started seeing another girl, and I’m thinking it’s hurting her more than she is letting on. They have been broken up for about a month and a few weeks before they broke up she completely started dodging me. I can not get a text or a call back about whether she is going to continue to be in the wedding or if she will be attending. I do see where she is coming from and I’m here for her. But I have a lot of decisions to make regarding the bridal party now. Also forgot to mention her ex is my fiancé’s bestfriend so kicking him out of the wedding is not an option.

Im not going to lie it hurt really bad when she told me she was stepping down. When she I did it she did not give a reason, just a text saying she is stepping down. And then no response. Please help me figure out how to handle this best. I don’t want to blow up her phone but I need to know if she will be apart of everything. Let me know if you had ever gone through this too. Thanks!

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Kay, on August 21, 2018 at 1:09 AM

Super August 2018
FutureMrsO · on August 19, 2018 at 4:16 PM
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I think first you need to take a step back and be a friend first. She broke up with someone and he's already dating someone else, clearly someone who may be her exes plus one. And she'll have to spend a day being very much around her ex. Right now, you don't need to talk to her about anything wedding related. Be there for her as a friend, reach out to see how she's doing, have a girls day, something. It's her choice to step down if she is hurt and doesn't think she can be a part of that situation, but there are no decisions that you need to be making right now. If she steps down, you should not replace her with someone else as MOH and you can have uneven sides. So that's not a decision you need to make. As for pre-wedding events, she's not obligated to attend those anyway. After you're there for her as a friend, then you can tell her you'd still love for her to come to your shower, bachelorette, or whatever it may be, and that it's her choice.
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Ashley · on August 19, 2018 at 4:22 PM
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I do see what you’re saying but that’s what I’ve done as well. I very rarely bring up the wedding as I don’t want it to be the only thing people think I want to talk about. I’ve tried to be there for her for a while now and tried to have girls days with her. I get married in a month and there are so definite decisions I have to make, I haven’t bombarded her at any point. And I have told her ex he is not receiving a plus one out of respect for my MOH. I’m just a little confused is all. It’s not like it’s the end of the world, it just seems like she’s been giving me the boot way before she stepped down from the MOH position. I’ve made it very clear she is still very much welcome to every and any event. But there are a few questions I have for her. She won’t even give me her new address for the invitations. It was sent to her ex’s address since that’s all I had. I just don’t want our friendship to be hurt from this.
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Super March 2019
Mcellist · on August 19, 2018 at 6:17 PM
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Your wedding is probably too much for her to handle, right now. She's probably wondering how can things be working out so well for you and not for herself at the present moment. With that being said, you do need to gently approach the topic of her continuing to be your maid of honor. Maybe have a girls night with her and bring it up casually. Definitely DON'T do it through text or over the phone. It needs to be an in person conversation. You said it seems like she's been giving you the boot already. How so? Definitely figure out what those actions are standing for and do it fast. My MOH dropped me last month because she's jealous and has been for awhile. It sucks, and I wish it would't have happened, but here we are. You need to figure out what is going on NOW because your wedding is basically tomorrow & you don't want to be focused on this close to your wedding day.

Let us know how it goes. My heart goes out to you.
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Master September 2018
Tara · on August 19, 2018 at 7:15 PM
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Yes as pps said be a friend first. Im sorry she is stepping down but i would give her space when it comes to the wedding and dont be too hurt if she does not even attend. As your best friend i wouod hope she could gather the strenght to go, but seeing he will be there i would not be surprised if she cant. She must be in so much pain. Also idk if this has been a thought yet (i am usually always for plus 1s) but i would not allow one to him seeing as its still so fresh. It would be very rude all around.
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Master September 2018
Tara · on August 19, 2018 at 7:16 PM
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Just read this. Glad you are not extending one. Hope all works out
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November 2018
happeningmom · on August 19, 2018 at 8:25 PM
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In the weeks before the breakup I am
sure she was going theu hell if he is already dating someone new. She stepped down as she felt
that was the best decision for you. Maybe she is embarrassed, hurt, angry, disillusioned or whatever. She could also be feeling alone and may not want to place you in the position of having to take sides so she just isn’t responding.
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VIP September 2017
MrsMcK · on August 20, 2018 at 1:37 PM
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Handle it the same way you would if she was going through this and you weren’t getting married.
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Dedicated November 2014
Mandy · on August 20, 2018 at 1:44 PM
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1. Send her a text/message/whatever along the lines of "I don't care about my wedding plans, I'm worried about you! Are you OK? Do you need anything? I'll give you as much space as you need, but know that I'm here for you for any reason".

2. What decisions do you need to make? There's really 3 scenarios: if she's present with her dress she'll be part of the wedding party, if she's present without her dress she'll be a guest, if she's not present then she just won't be there. I can't think of a single thing you actually need from her that's important! Hair and makeup? Who cares, she'll get it done or not if she shows up. Order of the processional? Figure it out the minute before they walk down the aisle. The program? She's your MOH no matter what, regardless if she's able to stand there with you or not.
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Super November 2018
Kay · on August 21, 2018 at 1:09 AM
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Just to clarify...she just no longer wants to be your MOH or a bridesmaid at all? Confused by you saying "My best friend and maid of honor has stepped down from being just that, the maid of honor" but from what you described, it sounds like she doesn't want to be part of the wedding party at all to avoid her ex?
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