Maid of Honor - Letting go

View Quoted Comment Alllll of this. I hate when people say "fire" a wedding party member and the idea of "replacement." This is supposed to be an honor and all that's required is getting a dress and standing with you on the big day.

I can see where PPs are coming from, however, look at it differently for a moment. OP told us that MOH isn't doing things she is responsible for. The other BMs are worried. This tells me that at some point MOH agreed to a certain role, or certain tasks, and agreed to work with the BMs to make it happen. I am of the opinion that the bridal party's only responsibility is to get the dress and show up on the day. HOWEVER, if they volunteer to do certain things for the bride, or commit to tasks that are being divided up amongst the bridal party, then your responsibilities as MOH have expanded, and you owe it to the bride and the rest of the bridal party to carry your end of the agreement. If you can't do that, you should not volunteer for those extra duties, or commit to doing them when asked. It would have been super easy for her to say to the bridesmaids, sorry, I just can't commit to that. Then they probably would have figured it out without her. But when you do your list, and someone else flakes on theirs, then that's a problem. It's like those dumb group projects in school. There's always someone in the group that doesn't do their part, and then the rest have to scramble the night before it's due so they don't fail.

This is all just my opinion of course. But that's what I see. It may be that OPs friendship with MOH was already on its way out, and this just made it more clear for the bride. I also don't believe in "firing" and "replacing" BP members. OP, if you no longer want her to be a part of her day (and who could blame you), then have that conversation with her. If you decide to ride it out, and just deal with the friendship part after the wedding, that's your choice. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's never fun when we realize we've grown apart from friends we were so close to at one time in our lives.

Fire her? Are you paying her? It’s not her job to plan your bachelorette party. If the other BM want to plan it they can. I think it is horrible they are blaming g the maid of honor for not planning something they want to plan. If you “fire” her be ready to loose a friend.

View Quoted Comment But it’s not her responsibility that is extra stuff.

First of all she told the other BM's and committed that she would do all these tasks and stuff and since then has not done any of them. Firing is just a figure of speech. However when I've looked at bridal books it does say that your maid of honor is the person who you in trust to do allot of tasks and help with bridal showers and etc and usually does these sort of things. There was never an issue until the addictive and controlling boyfriend (now her fiancé) came back into the picture and has completely kept her from a lot other friends. Heck he has even stopped her from her college degree she was in the midst of. When you reach out daily to someone to see how they are doing and you get no response for almost 2 weeks and then they call you names cause you say your concern for their welfare after she tells you of some of the abusive stuff that her now Fiancé has done, then I would say it's time to step away. Maybe I am selfish but this Fiancé of hers already crashed and ruined my surprise birthday party that My Fiancé surprised me with and I sure don't want him ruining my Special Wedding day.

It sounds like there is a history of trouble with this woman (and her boyfriend) and we might not know it all.
Overall I disagree with others about "firing" wedding party members, there has been expectations of maid of honors forever that they will help organize things with/for the bride. This woman clearly agreed to do certain tasks that were not done. Once she knew she could not follow through on something she should have reached out to the other bridesmaids or bride for help. She did not, the bridesmaids are concerned and upset, very reasonably so in my opinion.
As already pointed out firing or demoting someone often leads to ending the friendship, which it seems like this relationship was on its way out anyway. If the bride has had enough problems with someone to willingly end a relationship then she should, and do not invite them to the wedding.
As far as picking another maid of honor I would tell all your bridesmaids that they are great for dealing with the stuff so far and thank them profusely. I would say only a family member could step in as maid of honor at this point because it's late, if your niece is interested then go for it.
Things happen, people change, don't keep someone around that makes you miserable.

Okay Ladies... No need to be so hard on her!

Ann its your day and you need as little stress as possible! If you fell she won’t add anything to your day and may cause drama or make a scene then nicely tel her she isn’t welcome any longer but do it when you are not upset or angry over anything. I would offer to compensate her for any obligations you had to put money into as someone else mentioned. Make sure she understands the reasons. She made these bad decisions with her life and that’s not your fault but hers. If she is mad let her be mad it just will show you her respect for you and your friendship.

Maybe people expect different things yes I would be worried that a good friend of mine was with a abusive person. I guess I never expected parties. Maybe I was harsh and I am sorry but I hate the firing or denoting a BM cause of a party. Now if it is cause she is worried about trouble on her wedding day that is different. I would still try to keep the friendship cause she may need a safe haven,

View Quoted Comment I agree with you. I find it troubling that a person still expects these things from a person who is being clearly controlled and abused. It's unfortunate and unreasonable. I don't think OP sounds like the friend this girl needs and its fair to relieve her of any obligations and the friendship asap. I resent the firing especially given the situation. It's quite cold.