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Savvy May 2020

Maid of Honor issues

Eive, on May 26, 2019 at 9:03 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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Im getting married in May 2020. My maid of honor is my best friend since kindergarten. She recently moved in with my fiance and I because she needed a little financial help. We are on the lease until December. Recently she has been lying to me about stupid little things. Her most recent is shes going to therapy tonight at 8 on Sunday in Utah. Nothing is open on Sunday especially past 6. I know she is lying. I believe honesty is the most important thing and I have always been 100% honest with her. With all the recent lies Im thinking of pulling her from my line. Problem being I dont want to start conflict in the house. She is here until December like I said. If I wait until after we move out her dress will already be ordered because we are getting them in September. I dont know what to do. I just dont feel close to her anymore and Im starting to see how much shes using me Smiley sad any advice?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Fwbride, on May 27, 2019 at 9:51 AM
  • Monique
    Devoted August 2020
    Monique ·
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    I think you need to reevaluate the relationship. If you want her to move out or you want her to not be your maid of honor, it may end the friendship. Same situation with 2 friends a couple months ago and they don't speak anymore. As for when to talk to her, I would recommend talking to her sooner than September. It would be super awkward to have her invest money into your wedding and then be kicked out. Since you see her everyday, you'll most likely talk about the wedding and if you're not upfront about her place in the wedding, it would be kinda like what she's doing to you.

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  • J
    Dedicated October 2019
    Jeana ·
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    Before you pull her, I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with her even if it will be awkward. It’s only going to get worse over the next few months if you don’t address it now. Just because she’s living with you, it doesn’t mean she has to tell you where she’s going. You’re roommates, not her mom and she might just want some privacy. If you think you’re being taken advantage of financially, you need to have a conversation with her about it. Why do you think she’s lying? Is she going through some personal issues right now? She might just need you to be a friend and sometimes that means forcing a hard conversation. I wouldn’t throw your friendship away just yet. Don’t go to her angry Be really kind about it and that will likely help how she responds to you.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    It sounds like there might be a less dramatic way to handle this (a conversation) than kicking her out of your bridal party. I think it says a lot that that’s your first instinct. Check in on her. Talk to her. Be a friend first, then a bride.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I'd be so frustrated, too! This is why it's widely advised to choose your bridal party closer to your wedding date. Definitely check in on your friend - try to figure out the root of the issues you're having with one another. It's never okay to be used, and that needs to be clear to her!

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  • E
    Savvy May 2020
    Eive ·
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    I forgot to mention I have tried talking to her multiple times and she comes up with more lies. I dont expect her to tell me where shes going or when she will be home. When she leaves i just say have fun let me know if you need anything. I see on her Facebook and snapchat where she is after she came home and told me she was going to work. Its not that I expect to know where shes at its that she tells me one thing and I see another and it hurts to be honest. If she decided to go hang out with her bf instead of going to work I dont care. She pays her part of the rent. The fact she feels the need to lie about it to me is the problem.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Early January is plenty of time to order dresses to arrive in time for alterations and a May wedding. They usually take 2-10 weeks to come in, occasionally 12. And ordered 4 months before the wedding, there should be few alterations besides hems. Short time for anyone to change sizes. Decide when she moves out in December, at the latest.
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  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    If she's lying to you about "stupid little things", are you getting upset over "stupid little things"? Are they that important that you're willing to kick her out of your wedding and risk your friendship?
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  • Trista
    VIP September 2019
    Trista ·
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    You said you feel like shes taking advantage of you, but she pays her rent, how is she taking advantage? Maybe she feels judged for going to hang out with friends or her boyfriend? I don't think lying is right, but she might be trying to save face.
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  • DuttonSandersWedding
    Expert September 2019
    DuttonSandersWedding ·
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    You need to have a good sit down conversation with her first to air out any differences between you before you decide to dump her. Pulling her from the wedding now especially if she is the MOH could be the end of the friendship altogether.
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  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
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    I say anyone who repeatedly lies to someone they say they “care about”, doesn’t really care about that person. It needs to be confronted ASAP. And if nothing changes I say you start talking about different living situations, just to see if she stops lying now that you’re not going to be in close quarters. If she acts out over having to move out, she’ll probably pull herself from the wedding party. I think you need to keep it friendship related instead of wedding related, because she can’t hold it against you if you say her lying is affecting your relationship.
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