maid of honor is upset

In my opinion, you owe her an apology. When the girls brought up the idea of the party on the east coast, you should have let them know that you needed to speak with her before any announcement about the party went out.

Don't text or email. Call her.

Is she upset because she feels there should only be one? She is invited to both right?

I don't think that you need to ask her if someone else can throw a party in your honor.

I think she might be blowing things out of proportion. Maybe give her a couple of days to cool off and then give her a call and talk things out.

She just said that she thought that everyone here (4 bridesmaids, mom, SIL) were going to fly out to be at her party. i told her that's not practical or economical....she also mentioned that she may be stepping down as MOH and perhaps the bridesmaid out here can replace her.

it's been over a month. i don't know what to say.

I think it's ridiculous that she thought everyone else could come out to her on the West Coast. Seriously. Flights are freaking expensive! If she's paying everyone's way...that's a different story, but that doesn't sound like that's what's happening (and is hard for me to imagine).

I can see how she might feel a little hurt and left out, but I don't think this is anything that should jeopardize a friendship.

If she wants to step down over something as petty as a party, I'd let her. However, if she's a great friend (she is your MOH), I would do my best to repair the relationship if you can.

I am feeling a little bent about it. i feel like over our discussions about this (which she has declined to talk on the phone over, after the first time we discussed it) she has made this all about how she feels.

i have told her that it was a miscommunication and yet one month later she is still upset. i don't know what else to do.

Sounds to me like she's trying to make your wedding about her. The moh is supposed to make things easier for you, not cause you additional grief.

I can see why she would be upset, you.moved, maybe she feels alone and isolated now, but really, she expects the majority (including the bride) to fly out to her just because???

While I agree that you should apologize for the "east coast" comment, I also think you should remind her that YOU are the bride not her. YOUR needs must be a priority, not hers. Tell her that it would be a real loss to you and shame if she were to step down over this. But tell her that you will be ok, she's not irreplaceable (even if you feel she is!!!) The only two ppl who absolutely need to be at that wedding are the ones saying "I do". If she's really your friend, she would be reasonable and understand.

I probably sound mean, I just mean to be stern because I don't think she's a complete victim. But I assume she does feel neglected now being so far away so do take that into consideration when you speak to her.

Wish you the best!!!

AHHH.. I misunderstood.

I agree wth Robin, not feasible to expect all those people to go there for a party. If she is this upset, it might be best if she steps down. Would not want any drama for you on the day of.

Good luck

Shes overreacting waaaayyyy too much. Its not practical for EVERYONE to fly out there! Cant you just have two.. And you make a trip out there by yourself.

Thanks for the comments everyone. i felt like we were passed this the FIRST time we talked about this. she hasn't talked to me or contacted me since he online rants and texts about how she feels and how I should defend her...long story short she has told me she doesn't like my east coast bridesmaids now (without meeting them, of course). I asked her if she thought about how all this made me feel right now.

I thought the wedding was about me. I understand how not telling her about the local party might have upset her but I feel like if she is dragging it out like this that i have no patience or time for it. sorry, end rant.

A) There's something else going on, OR b) you managed to select the most neurotic MOH ever. But I bet you it's a)

The wedding is about you and your FH, but it's also about relationships. Call her and ask her directly what's bothering her. Texting and emailing her won't do the trick. Your friendship is already jeopardized, so I don't think you have many other options.

However, I do not think you should apologize for the east coast comment. That's the way things work when people live in different places. My co-workers threw me a shower, and they did not ask my MOH for permission. In fact, it would have been really weird if they did. Other people have the right to throw parties for you without consulting St. MOH.

Oh, Mrs. S...I love following your wise comments...especially since I agree.

I think it would have been nice of you to tell her there was going to be one on the East Coast before the invite was sent. However, that's in the past now, isn't it? Can't change that.

Have you asked her how she would feel if you had insisted on having the West Coast fly out to the East Coast for the bachelorette? Clearly, it is just impractical to EXPECT such a thing...you are trying to include everyone in your life and she should be understanding of that. However, she has probably spent plenty of time and energy (possibly money) planning your West Coast party, and maybe she feels like you don't appreciate her work. Make sure she knows that...I'm sure you can patch things up, especially if you have a long history!

I agree completely with @Buffee & Mrs. S. While I think she's going way overboard by not speaking to you and that there probably is something underlying here as well, I think her feelings were probably hurt if she didn't know about the East Coast party before she got the email. She may have thought you were taking away her role as MOH, especially if she had already discussed her planning with you. With that being said, she needs to be an adult and speak to you on the phone. There is nothing I learned more in my early 20s than text/email fights can ruin entire friendships because things are taken the wrong way and things are written that never should be said. If she's important to you, really try to speak with her about it. In the end, it's her decision to step up and be a great MOH or step to the side. Good luck!

Call her. You're right in thinking that it's not really economically practical to have people flying all over the country for pre wedding parties, no matter how lovely that sounds.

You can't control what anyone calls anything; technically, you're not even supposed to be involved in those parties. But call her and chat. An email is not going to do it.

You can absolutely tell her you're sorry she is feeling hurt, but you don't take responsibility for the way she's made herself feel.

I dont understand, can you explain why she is mad exactly? Did she say? This doesnt make too much sense to be mad over.