Jenna
Just Said Yes October 2021

Maid of honor is in hospital, one month before wedding and i would like to ask my friend to fill in - is it too late?

Jenna, on September 15, 2021 at 7:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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My maid of honor, also my cousin, is unfortunately in the hospital currently having a very tough time with her pregnancy. She was planning on coming to my wedding, bought her dress, etc. So this is truly an extenuating circumstance. I feel so awful for her having to deal with this. She has dropped out of the wedding (which is a month away now) because of this. She let me know tonight of her decision.


One of my bridesmaids is also pregnant, having some complications, but is planning to be there. She hasn’t dropped out. My question is, I would like to ask one of my friends (from high school whom I have known for 10 plus years) to step in and join in my bridal party, taking the place of my maid of honor. I have known her for over 10 years, and we’e grown apart a bit but always kept in touch. I feel as though she would be most understanding of the issue, but I also don’t want to hurt her feelings by asking her to do this, this late in the game.
The reason I didn’t ask her to be a part of the bridal party initially was that she lives a bit far, doesnt know the rest of my bridal party (all the girls are college friends), and I didn’t want it to be awkward for her. Bottom line - I didn’t want to inconvenience her or put her in any awkward situations.
Now that I am so close to the day of the wedding, I am at a loss. I have one existing bridesmaid that is facing some pregnancy complications (right now she is able to be there), maid of honor can to be there, and I would love for my friend to be there on my day and take the place of my maid of honor. I just don’t know if I will hurt her feelings by asking her this late.
Any advice at all would be much appreciated!




15 Comments

Latest activity by Kari, on September 17, 2021 at 11:11 AM
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn’t. I was in a similar situation (asked as a back-up) and it was insulting, plus, I didn’t want the stress. I politely declined.
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I would also be insulted if I was asked as a fill in a month before. She has almost no time to get a dress. Bridesmaids aren’t props, they’re your closest friends and family. You don’t need a specific number of people up there with you. I understand you may be close with her and your intentions are probably good, but it is not necessary to ask someone to step in this last minute.
    • Reply
  • Lindsay
    Savvy June 2023
    Lindsay ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the others. I would be pretty insulted to be a back up.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    You don’t replace bridesmaids. It will come back to your maid of honor and she may not take that well.
    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn’t replace her. Just enjoy the day with the people you have who can be there, and enjoy seeing your friend as a guest. It’s a lot to put on someone one month out, and as others have said, could be pretty insulting, even if the intention is otherwise.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    I’ve been the replacement bridesmaid before. I wasnt upset. I was actually super excited. But then again I was very young and maybe I didn’t know any better. She did ask several months in advance though.
    I get being bummed you may not have anyone to get ready with and have around to support you. If you’re close enough for you to want to ask her I’d say you’re close enough to have a conversation with her bout the situation. I’m assuming she has been invited and RSVP’d yes. You can always ask her to join you for getting ready and not necessarily be a bridesmaid. What ever you do, don’t phrase it as replace or fill in. Good luck navigating the situation and to your cousin and friend with their pregnancies.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Totally agree with everyone- that would be extremely insulting to ask this late in the game.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't ask her, and if I was ever asked one month before the wedding then I would decline. It's not fair to her
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    Do not replace her.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Guest from MoH is a big jump. Why wouldn't you make an existing bridesmaid MOH? Clearly they were picked before this friend. If you had become closer since you picked your bridal party and you made her a regular bridesmaid, that would be different.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Don't replace her. It will make your cousin feel replaced and your friend feel like a plan B, which she is.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag

    You can't replace your nearest and dearest. If I were you, I would be checking in on your pregnant, hospitalized MOH and seeing if there's anything she needs. Some things are more important than numbers in the bridal party.

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I always try to put myself in the position of the person in question. If I were the friend being asked, I would totally say yes to help support my friend in her time of stress. I would not be insulted. You could pay for her dress and stuff so it isnt a last minute shock. If I were the friend in the hospital, I would be glad you found someone else to help you out on your day, so I didn't feel so guilty for having to bail. But that's just me, I don't get insulted easily.

    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Way too late to ask. A bridal party is not essential for a wedding. So no one needs to be replaced . I would definitely feel like second fiddle if asked this late in the game. I’d be stressed about having to get the dress in short notice. (Also, I’d have probably already bought my outfit to attend as a guest!). I’d be really bummed if all the “good stuff” had already passed— shower, bachelorette etc, like, why am I even here ? Or if it HADNT already passed, I’d worry that you only asked me so I would throw these parties for you, not because you really wanted me there (bc if you had you would’ve asked me from the start). So, hard no for me, definitely too late.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I would just accept that your MOH had to drop out and not attempt to replace anyone in your bridal party. No one wants to know they are "replaceable" and no want wants to be asked to join a wedding party as a last ditch attempt to fill a space. It's also a lot of pressure to add to the situation and can easily lead to hurt feelings.

    You don't need a bridal party at all. You don't need even numbers on both sides if you do have a wedding party. If you don't add anyone and just stick with who you have, you'll be fine.

    Due to Covid, we pushed back our wedding celebration date, and my MOH and only bridesmaid got pregnant and dropped out. So I had no bridal party at all, and my husband still had 3 groomsmen. I asked a few friends to come early and get ready with me, but they weren't "bridesmaids" - they wore what they wanted, sat with their SOs during the ceremony, and didn't take any special pictures with us - and it all worked out just fine.

    Do not replace any bridesmaids one month before your wedding.

    • Reply

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