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Savvy September 2019

Maid of Honor is a flake

Amy, on July 21, 2019 at 8:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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So I asked my friend of 30 years to be my Maid of Honor last September. She was over the moon excited and discussed taking care of the shower and bachelorette party. She’s the only one I’m having in my bridal party so I had a friend of mine help her plan (I did not expect a party but she mentioned it many times). I gave her a list of names back in April and my friend offered to host it at her beach house. A weekend date was set since some maybe traveling and my MOH asked me to reach out to the girls I want there of the weekend and she will reach out to them. Then nothing. She has not been apart of anything to do with the wedding. She got her dress but when I tried to talk to her about anything she would not respond or talk about herself. Fast forward to last weekend. I had a heart to heart with her and lack of just a friendship. No one heard anything about the bachelorette party so I figured it was canceled and people needed to know. She insisted to still plan the party and would also plan a shower with my mom (again I don’t expect one she mentioned it). She said she would reach out to everyone Sunday (last) and to let everyone know she would contact them. Last week she said she has everything taken care of. Hahahaha! Nope. She sent a group chat and didn’t give dates, mentioned the beach, but not where we are staying. That was it. All the girls texted her and she NEVER responded. The girls worked things out without my MOH. They tried to keep me in the dark but it came out. I reached out to my MOH and she didn’t respond to my question. Just complained about work. The party is this weekend and I was planning on taking my MOH to the beach with me. She has said she took the weekend off of work but would have to check the schedule. As of today, this weeks schedule is still not out...hmmmm. I think she is gonna flake out and not go. At this point I don’t care. But why be my maid of honor if you can’t even be a good friend???

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Danielle, on July 22, 2019 at 10:56 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 21, 2019 at 8:21 PM
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I went thru a similar thing with mine but I knew mine was going thru a lot personally. Is she perhaps going thru something else? Not that that means she can't make an effort for you, especially when she says she will. But I guess for me I wanted to be understanding and also remember that my wedding wasn't the center of everyone else's lives and they had their own things going on beyond it.
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Savvy September 2019
Amy · on July 21, 2019 at 8:47 PM
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When things came up I always said she works a lot. Someone said to me that we all work so what is it really? After thinking about it and talking with my fiancé I think I know what it is. She’s not the center of attention. The wedding is not about her.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on July 21, 2019 at 10:14 PM
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My fiancés week schedule does not come out till Friday, do he would not know if he was off till the day before. Have you checked on her made sure everything was ok with her and work?
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on July 21, 2019 at 10:18 PM
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People’s jobs are different and some people have to work more or get less time off then other. Also work stress at jobs are different and people handle it different. She has seemed to bring work up a few times. Do my thoughts would be something is happening there.
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Savvy September 2019
Amy · on July 22, 2019 at 7:34 AM
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I get it about work. And I have talked to her about it many times. My thing is for almost a year she really hasn’t been there. When I talked to her about it she flew into a rage and thought I wanted to replace her (that was not said). I’m not saying she has to focus all her free time on me. But what gets me is don’t plan something and then just ghost it. I told her so so many times I don’t need a bachelorette party as I know she’s been stressed at work and such. But she still insisted then this. Side note. When I had my first fitting I reached out to her on how it went. She didn’t respond. However 2 days later she did respond with how a first date went and how the next day he politely said he doesn’t want to date her (she sent me a screen shot). Again it is about her.
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Savvy September 2019
Amy · on July 22, 2019 at 7:35 AM
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The thing with the schedule is weird. Early in the week she said the schedule comes out on Fridays. Then each day she made up an excuse as to why it’s not out. Something just was fishy with that.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 22, 2019 at 7:46 AM
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Sounds like something personal is going on with her. It seems like you've been very relaxed so far too.
I'd probably be at the end of my patience with her.
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Expert August 2020
Arielle · on July 22, 2019 at 7:53 AM
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Maybe there is something going on with her like mentioned in the PPs. If talking to her isn't working, it's time to think of what else you can do. If she can't handle the responsibility, she shouldn't have said yes to being your MOH.
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Savvy September 2019
Amy · on July 22, 2019 at 8:27 AM
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I’ve stayed calm with her. But I’ve had a few melt downs over it. But after this weekend I’m not gonna she’s another tear over her or the situation.
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Savvy September 2019
Amy · on July 22, 2019 at 8:29 AM
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I’m just gonna let it be. I’m not gonna replace her as that is not fair to the person I would ask. I will let her know when things are happening such as dinner rehearsal and all but other then that I’m gonna not talk with her.
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Dedicated October 2021
Allison · on July 22, 2019 at 8:36 AM
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She may have really wanted the title but wasn't ready to commit
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Just Said Yes November 2019
Mrsspindler · on July 22, 2019 at 8:40 AM
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I am in the same boat, however dont equate friendship with her lack of planning. My best friend and my cousin ( I have been close to both over 30 years), have personalities that I knew would stress me in the planning. For that reason I brought in 3 of my friends who I knew had opposite personalities. I discussed situation and they are totally on board. I put them in my wedding party but they were cool with not wearing a dress too. It has been a life saver. Since I discussed with the girls no one is stepping on feet. And we are letting both girls do their thing. They feel included and the 3 amigos keep me from going crazy.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on July 22, 2019 at 10:56 AM
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Oh no, that really stinks that she is flaking like that. Sounds like planning really isn't her thing, so she probably shouldn't of offered. But I am sure she had good intentions. It sounds like somethings came up with her job that distracted her though. If I were you, I'd probably be worried / frustrated too. However, friendships are both ways....so maybe you can have a heart to heart with her in person, since she doesn't seem to respond to text messages well. I think you should tell her how you feel, and how she is letting you down. Then maybe you could listen to her issues with work and offer to help her too. 30 years is a long time, and usually indicates a lasting friendship, so I'd hate to see y'all drift apart.
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