Maid of Honor & her date help!

Long story short, etiquette says you cannot ask someone to celebrate your relationship while discounting theirs. Significant others, if they deem themselves an established couple, are automatically invited as a social unit and it is not up to you to judge the validity of the relationship. A plus one is an optional random stranger invited to accompany an unattached single. The fact that she is separated from the groomsman is irrelevant.

Agree with Michelle. You can't protect your FH's friend while simultaneously disrespecting your MOH's new relationship. They're all adults, and will have to be relied on to cope. Your MOH has identified as being in a relationship, which is not a +1.

I slightly disagree with the previous posters. I think it’s okay to reduce the chance of drama with your bridal party and explain to your MOH that she doesn’t have a plus one and her new girlfriend isn’t invited. Did you already send out invites? If so blame it on the numbers and say you are at max headcount. I wouldn’t want the drama at my wedding. It may not be proper etiquette but I don’t care.

I would say you don't need to invite her new girlfriend because that is an EXTRA guest from your original count. If her ex husband wasn't in the party or attending it would change the count and I would say she should get the +1

Is the ex bringing anyone? If not, then I wouldn't let her either. If it was any other guest then maybe, but you don't need bridal party drama to upstage your day.

Be honest with her….maybe let her read your post. You are trying to make the right decision for everyone involved. Maybe she would be able to see this situation a little differently if she knew how conflicted you are feeling. Good luck!

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How is this reducing drama?

View Quoted Comment Well it’s reducing the risk of drama on the wedding day 0between the the couple that is now separated. But it definitely could cause drama with the MOH but hopefully that drama would be handled before the wedding. It’s a tough situation no matter what is done.

I know you want to help out but this really isn't your call. Objectively, now that they are separated, I would give each a plus one out of respect. They are adults and will have to deal with their feelings. Honestly that's the cost of heartbreak that you have zero right to control. Do you really think they'll start drama at the wedding? If so, have a frank discussion with each individually. But respect them by expecting nothing less than being mature about the decision they made to separate. So sorry that you have to deal with this drama.

I would say what you need to do is be consistent! IF "non-married/engaged/living together" are getting plus ones &/or dates then MOH should too regardless of her relationship status. IF you AREN'T giving any single & not married/engaged/living together people plus ones then she doesn't get one either ~ mind you IF you have already told the groomsman that he can bring his new girlfriend ~ then I don't see that you have any choice but to let your MOH bring a date of her choice as well.

You have to trust (and maybe mention) that they are all adults and you expect them to behave accordingly! (you could mention it in passing to her & your FH can mention it to the groomsman IF you feel it's necessary)

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Well no. You have no reason to think there will be drama between the separated couple. You're assuming that and thinking of the worst.

The one certainty is the hurt that your MOH will feel if you exclude her partner.

View Quoted Comment I made the assumption that there would be drama between the separated couple because the original post said


“ Her husband is in the wedding party, and my fiancé’s best friend and I know it would hurt him if she did bring her girlfriend. I also know it’d just cause unnecessary drama that I don’t care for or want.”

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I know. I read that. My point was that you're assuming there will be drama and that it will hurt him. You don't know that for sure. It's not like his friend has had a meltdown over it? Like it could potentially be fine. Whereas you know it won't be fine to disrespect your MOH's relationship.

Has anyone spoken to the ex-husband about this?

View Quoted Comment The groomsmen had told my friend directly, the only thing he ask of her is to not bring the new significant other to the wedding, due to my friend cheating on him with her new girlfriend, which ultimately leading to the separation.
That was another reason I was having trouble on what to do, was just due to their relationship not ending on that great of terms and due the reasoning of their separation.

View Quoted Comment It’s just the new girlfriend, and the acts and decisions of my MOH are one of the main reasons why they are separating..
I guess that’s a big part of the original post I had left out and and that’s one me.
But that’s just why I’m conflicted on what to do and why I think it will just bring unnecessary drama.

View Quoted Comment That's a big detail to leave out of your original post haha. This is one of the few times I am on team don't invite the significant other.

View Quoted Comment At first I agreed with Michelle, but after reading this I say do NOT invite the new girlfriend. If your MOH loves YOU, she will understand. What a terrible situation, but it’s your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Your MoH isn't even fully divorced yet, and she wants to bring her mistress to a wedding where her still husband will be an attendant. It's bad enough to be a cheater, but she wants to flaunt her extramarital partner and the reason for her broken marriage at at her best friend's wedding of all places? This woman is shameless. I would assume she's doing this to piss off her still husband.


I'm wondering how you're still friends with her. I wouldn't want a remorseless cheater at my side while I say my vows
I get that some affairs happen out of true love, and they're meant to be, but your MoH needs to show some tact and respect. At least let the ink on the divorce papers dry, integrate your new gf slowly when your ex isn't there

Just because people are grown in number (age) doesn't mean that they are grown in mind (maturity). You said it yourself you MOH can be petty so because it's YOUR day, if you don't want the drama please please do not invite the "girlfriend". I understand the people pleasing trust me I do, but not on that day. Do not risk one of the most important day of your life to please someone else. I have a similar situation with my upcoming wedding as well but with my fiance's family members and after we spoke about it, my fiancée and I agreed that if we need to verify that there will be no drama, we will have a sit down with all the parties involved or someone will just not be invited (more than likely it will be the later cuz aint nobody have time for that). Not only am I getting married in the same month but Im also graduating from nursing school so I'm pretty busy. Ariel was right from the get go. Its your day focus on you skip the drama and the so call etiquette. If your MOH is a true friend she would understand the situation and how sticky it is for you.

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OK well that changes everything. Certainly that's a tough position to be in. I would say don't invite the new girlfriend then. Cheating trumps the rules of etiquette in this situation, in my opinion.